Women who are divorced… what was your final straw?

[ToughTimes88]

As the title says really?

Previous poster but name change for obvious reasons

When he stopped smiling.

I used to watch the TV with him, and every single comment was negative. He was verbally abusive towards the presenters, the content, the show itself, the tone of the show, the time of the show. Literally every day, all day, no matter what we were watching. It was negative, negative, negative. He never looked happy, he never smiled, he came across bitter and twisted and I used to sit in my arm chair praying he would say something .... anything positive. But it never came.

The time he started punching the steering wheel and screaming in my ear that I was a cunt while I was driving down an A road pretty much did it for me.

I wasn't happy for many years, just staying together for DD, but when he cheated I gave him a final chance and said if he stopped seeing her, promised me there were no more secrets, and agreed to go for counselling (which I hoped might fix the other issues) then we might stand a chance.
He then went away for a dirty weekend with her and thought I didn't know. I did, and that was definitely the last straw!

When he told me he was actually gay, not heterosexual, after 13 years of marriage. Rather an important omission.

When he said that he did not want to move house (to same area, just a different house that we could totally have afforded, no financial strain in the least).
He was not equally contributing to the running of our family, practically, emotionally or financially.
I moved without him.
Thanks goodness cause if it had not been for that I stupidly would have put him on the deeds of my fabolous new house.

He was planning on how he would spend my inheritance before the person I was to inherit from had even died! Told his family what he would be doing with ‘our’ money. He never saw a penny in the end!

Sex with another woman
him not me lol

He'd been highly abusive for years but I'm another who stayed for the kids. I think I've told this story on here before....one day he was doing his usual threatening me about something or other I had or hadn't done, and something switched inside of me. I suddenly looked at him and realised that he was just an insignificant, not very bright, jerk. It was a real light bulb moment.

For the first time ever, I stood my ground and said something like 'you're not going to threaten me any more, and I'm now free of you' He was really taken aback. I should say that he was never physically violent (although he threatened it a lot) but every other sort of coercive control. It sounds like nothing, but it was a completely amazing moment. After that, he caved in quite a bit and went quite quietly in the end.

A lot of wee things over the last few years, but the final straw was a holiday where we didn’t touch once, and only really interacted when the kids were around.

He’s a lovely man and we both deserve more, so we amicably decided to separate after that.

I bought a set of mugs. Next day I went to use one of the new mugs and they werent there. He told me he had returned them because they didn't match.
That was the beginning of the end.

Sounds so minor but it was symptom of much wider control issues.

When I did finally leave and I looked around the house for things to take, and it made me realise I hadnt chosen one single thing. Not a picture, a cushion, any furniture - nothing. Id lost myself completely.

Oh, also my 15 year old son said flippantly, 'god dad really doesn't like you does he'. When I told my exDH he just rolled his eyes like it was no big deal.

Horrid man.

PS: when i got my first place I purposely bought a vintage dresser that I had always wanted but was never 'allowed' and filled it up with loads of mismatched mugs that I loved. Felt awesome.

Death by a thousand cuts.

The main one I remember was that, whilst being unemployed, he bought some sliced cheese and got angry when I used it (we’d run out of “normal” cheese) to make a sandwich for our child’s packed lunch. I remember him saying “but that’s MY cheese!!!”

I realised then how fucking selfish he was and the act of being a responsible loving human being in front of others was just that, an act.

He said he had (unwanted, OCD) urges to harm my teenage DC

"Don't shout at my mummy."

Awful. Heartbreaking. Some wake up call for you that.

"Don't hit.." a similar impact.

Snap! I could have written this except I didn’t even try to forgive him. He also then ran up debt to the £tens of thousands with OW. So messy. So glad I am no longer with him. DC are adults now and want nothing to do with him. His loss.

When he accused me of "lumbering [him] with an autistic child" and described DS as "a lost cause" at age 7.

For some reason, I never reached that point before, despite everything that happened prior to that, like all of the tasty food that he "confiscated" because I was too fat to eat it, all of the fine wine I couldn't enjoy because he decided I was "taking refuge in alcohol", all of the beautiful clothes I returned because "you dress like a frumpy grandmother" and all of the holidays in which I failed to relax because he'd get the screaming abdabs if I walked on a hotel floor with bare feet.

He doesn’t know this but it was a receipt for a bottle of mineral water which proved he was near OW’s place when he claimed to be at work. This was after a whole year of trying to make things work after finding out about his affairs and all the mindfuckery of the pick-me dance. So much happier without him - will be even better once we’re no longer co-parenting and I don’t have to speak to him.

Should say DH (or not as it turns out) said he wished DD had never been born.

I’ve name changed for this. There were loads, terrible behaviour, cheating, financial, emotional and occasional physical abuse, but the final thing was when he got paid on the Friday, disappeared for the weekend, turned back up on the Tuesday demanding train fare for work as he’d spent his entire salary in three days leaving us as a family with nothing. I looked at him and I thought this has to be it. I refused to give him train fare and kept refusing no matter how threatening and aggressive he got, in the end he attacked me in front of my five year old who was trying to pull him off me. His family said “she’ll take you back within the week” and I might have done, I always had before, but it had never been in front of my children and all I could think of was my five year old little boy trying to protect me and who was clearly much braver than I was myself. I am crying right now thinking of that and it’s been 17 years.

I felt repulsed at the very thought of him touching me! I feel terrible saying this.

You are an amazing mother for leaving because you protected your son’s childhood. I hope you found happiness 🌺🌷💐🌹

We were away celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary when I discovered him messaging someone on social media telling her about a woman he loved, I assumed it was me... He was saying how he'd never felt like that about anyone before and ending it was the hardest thing ever... wasn't me he was talking about 💔. This was the third woman he'd slept with during our marriage (that i knew about). I decided enough was enough and that as much as I didn't want to break up my family, I couldn't ever get over what he'd said and done.

it was a cumulation of things.. but the argument that ended in me screaming at him that i didn't want to be married to him any more started with him telling me that i wasn't allowed to go out for the afternoon on a saturday, because i had enough time to do that in the week when the kids were at school.

i'd had one foot out the door for months, if not years... he was emotionally and mentally abusive. I put up with a lot of shit, but that was his first, and last, attempt to control what i did/where i went. Fuck that bullshit.

The catalyst for my divorce was when he said the dinner was awful and the texture of the sausages weren't to his liking 😂
He'd never cooked, cleaned, did washing or shopping in 23 years of the relationship. I worked FT, long hours and often away from home. I had to meal prep when I was going away. The sausages were the last straw!

It's now forever known as Sunday Sausagegate.

When he punched our teenager.

He was a controlling wanker and id grown up with a narcissistic mother,so this was my normal

He would stalk me and take all my money while treating the dc like shit and watching me beg for money to be able to feed them (in his eyes he was the hero for providing food/nappies for them even though it was my money)

He did nothing all day,was happy enough to take but never give

The final straw was when id scrubbed the kitchen clean and id put some rubbish in a bread bag and asked him to put it in the outside bin

It was sat there for well over a week-id spent the whole day cleaning his mess and he couldn't be bothered to move a bread bag a few feet to the bin

He also kept making the 'jokes' around this time that 'if they are old enough to bleed,they are old enough to fuck' and 'can't get yourself a 16 year old?two 8 year olds will do!hawhawhaw!'

I threw him out (he didnt believe id do it,so kept trying to come back) and when the penny dropped that i didnt want him back,he started breaking into my home in the middle of the night and telling the world I was the one who had been shagging around (the police didnt want to know)

He waited until I was about 20 stitches from finishing a cross stitch (that id spent almost a year making) and 'accidentally' pouring a pint mug of black coffee over it and smirking at me while flicking fag ash all over my new carpet

A few months later,I find out that he'd been raping a young girl and got her pregnant (while we where breaking up)

He dragged me through the courts for access,just to control me and never paid a penny for the dc

It all ended in the end when he went to prison (not for any of the above) and I moved us away from the area

30 years on he still thinks he owns me and I'm his property

Last time I saw him,he spat at me and ignores his own children if he sees them in the street (all my fault apparently)