Page 3 | Women who are divorced… what was your final straw?

ToughTimes88 · 2025-10-07T22:14:51+00:00

As the title says really? Previous poster but name change for obvious reasons

MoominMai · 08/10/2025 15:08

TheBakeOffCakeMissingRaspberry · 07/10/2025 23:40

When he smiled at me it no longer reached his eyes.

Oh gawd - yeah. Or in my case, whenever he smiled it increasingly seemed more like a grimace.

MoominMai · 08/10/2025 15:10

NippyNinjaCrab · 08/10/2025 14:01

The catalyst for my divorce was when he said the dinner was awful and the texture of the sausages weren't to his liking 😂
He'd never cooked, cleaned, did washing or shopping in 23 years of the relationship. I worked FT, long hours and often away from home. I had to meal prep when I was going away. The sausages were the last straw!

It's now forever known as Sunday Sausagegate.

Oh no - that sausage complaint wouldn’t be out of place in a Victoria Wood (RIP) sketch 😂

TheDenimPoet · 08/10/2025 15:21

My ex took up running, and quickly became obsessive over it. It got to the point where he didn't give a shit what I was doing, he was travelling the country (and occasionally going overseas) because he wanted to tick every park run off his bucket list. He was using his holidays at work to do this, and would never make a longer break out of it other than one night before if it was a distance away, so I couldn't even make a bit of a holiday out of it.

Eventually I realised my life would actually be easier without him. So off he went.

He's gone from travelling the country and having a lovely home to come back to, to living in a house share with a really shit car.

We were building such a lovely life together. It was a shame.

SugarSpice2020 · 08/10/2025 15:45

Has anyone with young kids been on verge of wanting to spilt but living abroad (hubby’s home) & wanting to return to your home country? But splitting would mean either leaving your kids behind (!!! As if!) or staying put in current place & possibly being more unhappy as you’d then be alone. … am possibly facing this!

GeraniumRoseblush · 08/10/2025 15:45

Mine was when my exH decided to take out his upset at his son heading off to university on me and I realised I was always going to be treading on eggshells to keep the peace. It had built up over time with me always molding to his needs and wants and I just knew in my gut I couldn't continue to live with his constant mood swings and put-downs. Mumsnet was a lifesaver at the time as I read lots of threads and realised that I was dealing with a controlling tw*t and that it would never change.

iamnotalemon · 08/10/2025 16:12

Ncforthiscms · 08/10/2025 14:17

When he punched our teenager.

Thanks for sticking by your child. My mum didn’t and they are still together!

iamnotalemon · 08/10/2025 16:16

NippyNinjaCrab · 08/10/2025 14:01

The catalyst for my divorce was when he said the dinner was awful and the texture of the sausages weren't to his liking 😂
He'd never cooked, cleaned, did washing or shopping in 23 years of the relationship. I worked FT, long hours and often away from home. I had to meal prep when I was going away. The sausages were the last straw!

It's now forever known as Sunday Sausagegate.

This makes me think of Shirley Valentine x

RedFlagsAllOver · 08/10/2025 16:24

Letsskidaddle · 08/10/2025 02:40

When he had health problems that he didn’t address or try to manage at all, including heart problems and type 1 diabetes.

I looked at him stuffing another burger and knew I didn’t want to end up looking after him as we got older.

Sounds shallow but he’d had many warnings from Drs and many health scares related to his condition. He just wasn’t remotely interested in trying to help himself.

This is my husband. He was told years ago if he managed his diet he could avoid diabetes. Instead he carried on eating shyte, is on a shit ton of medication and recently had a mini stroke. He lost his job last year and was doing food deliveries to make money but since the stroke he's done nothing. We currently live on my part time wage and inherited. I warned him last week that if he doesn't sort his shit out I'm leaving and taking my money with me. He's currently asleep upstairs has been since 2pm. I've worked mornings and evenings for 14 days straight, this is my 1st night off and he's chosen to stay upstairs. I can't stand it anymore. I'm 44 and want a life. This isn't living.

RedFlagsAllOver · 08/10/2025 16:25

Inheritance *

Luckyingame · 08/10/2025 16:39

Journey1234 · 08/10/2025 13:47

I felt repulsed at the very thought of him touching me! I feel terrible saying this.

I hear you.
Nothing to feel terrible about!

UseOfWeapons · 08/10/2025 16:55

Husband 1 - told me he was having an affair and didn't love me
Husband 2 - psychopathic domestic abuse
There won't be a 3rd!

KathrynWheel · 08/10/2025 16:59

SugarSpice2020 · 08/10/2025 15:45

Has anyone with young kids been on verge of wanting to spilt but living abroad (hubby’s home) & wanting to return to your home country? But splitting would mean either leaving your kids behind (!!! As if!) or staying put in current place & possibly being more unhappy as you’d then be alone. … am possibly facing this!

No experience of this but please get some professional advice. Could a charity like "Womens Aid " help?

amibeingaknob · 08/10/2025 20:04

SugarSpice2020 · 08/10/2025 15:45

Has anyone with young kids been on verge of wanting to spilt but living abroad (hubby’s home) & wanting to return to your home country? But splitting would mean either leaving your kids behind (!!! As if!) or staying put in current place & possibly being more unhappy as you’d then be alone. … am possibly facing this!

How old are your kids? Ive been through this. PM me. My situation (he was VERY abusive) ended very very badly.

amibeingaknob · 08/10/2025 20:08

This was in Australia. Police, social services, courts - fucking useless and made it worse. Ive been back in the UK without kids (all young adults) for a few years now, and two out of four loathe me (parental alienation is incredibly powerful). He got away with murder I feel - sounds dramatic but Id rather he shot me, the emotional pain he put me through. It almost killed me.
The ironic part - Im a social worker. I see it way way too often. Im not rare sadly.

TheDayWeGotMinnie · 08/10/2025 20:09

Sequinsoneverythingplease · 08/10/2025 13:46

I’ve name changed for this. There were loads, terrible behaviour, cheating, financial, emotional and occasional physical abuse, but the final thing was when he got paid on the Friday, disappeared for the weekend, turned back up on the Tuesday demanding train fare for work as he’d spent his entire salary in three days leaving us as a family with nothing. I looked at him and I thought this has to be it. I refused to give him train fare and kept refusing no matter how threatening and aggressive he got, in the end he attacked me in front of my five year old who was trying to pull him off me. His family said “she’ll take you back within the week” and I might have done, I always had before, but it had never been in front of my children and all I could think of was my five year old little boy trying to protect me and who was clearly much braver than I was myself. I am crying right now thinking of that and it’s been 17 years.

Oh sweetheart. You amazing woman for removing yourself and your darling boy. I hope your life is wonderful now!

Size40Shoes · 08/10/2025 20:12

I just realised one weekend that I couldn't live like I was anymore.

LadyBrendaLast · 08/10/2025 20:17

When he told me the reason he didn't visit me in a mental health unit when sectioned was because I "was playing up".

I was in the high intensity care unit on a 1:1 arm's reach.

NippyNinjaCrab · 08/10/2025 20:22

MoominMai · 08/10/2025 15:10

Oh no - that sausage complaint wouldn’t be out of place in a Victoria Wood (RIP) sketch 😂

Show quote history

If I ask DH now how his dinner is he always says it's lovely, and the texture is delightful 😂😂😂😂

NippyNinjaCrab · 08/10/2025 20:24

iamnotalemon · 08/10/2025 16:16

This makes me think of Shirley Valentine x

Show quote history

The eggs and chips! 😂 when we had divorced he said i miss you, i replied what do you miss! He said your cooking 😂😂😂 arsehole!

Pomped · 08/10/2025 20:25

The feeling of contempt. It’s very, very hard to come back from. Feeling like you are two strangers living under one roof.

starrynight009 · 08/10/2025 20:30

Finding out he had been secretly filming me with hidden spy cameras. I had put up with a lot before that, but that was the moment I became scared of him. There was no saving the marriage after that.

I'm now in a relationship which is happy and healthy thankfully.

Original poster

ToughTimes88 · 08/10/2025 21:26

YellowGuido · 07/10/2025 23:33

I realised just how little he considered me in his plans day to day that I couldn’t even risk booking ahead for a surprise meal out / event activity ahead for a special occasion as he would invariably have something in the diary for the same or following day which he hadn’t mentioned…

@YellowGuido this sounds so similar to me. Thank you for your input x

OP posts:

DoubtfulCat · 08/10/2025 21:30

There’d been coercion for a long time and manipulation and EA for longer; but he was yelling at me for something and my 2yo stepped in front of me and shouted back at him, “Don’t you shout at my mummy!” It broke my heart. I knew then that it would never be ok, never be healthy, and I didn’t want her growing up thinking that was normal.

Oddly enough our relationship improved after that. Not enough but that was a nadir. That and me knowing he’d taken about £80 from a cash tin I kept but he denied it. I knew he was lying. Both those incidents were around the same time. The theft made me see him quite differently (and see my powerlessness in the relationship). The shouting one made me see what I was modelling to my daughter.

Original poster

ToughTimes88 · 08/10/2025 21:32

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 08/10/2025 00:33

I've so many things I would consider a final straw now looking back, but the apparent final straw was being choked!

Really, if I could turn back time I'd have ended it years and years ago, when he insisted on his jobs and my jobs, but his jobs never got done and I was expected to be sympathetic because "depression", but when my jobs didn't get done because I was burnt out I obviously had to step my game up because living in squalor was making his depression worse so if I loved him, I'd remember to do all these things.

In fact, scratch that, I'd go back even further in time, and my last straw should have been working overtime while he takes time off to recuperate, meanwhile he was ordering dominos 5 times a week, getting us more in debt, because he was too "depressed" to cook from the food I'd bought on a budget to tide us over while I worked us out of our overdrafts.

In fact, scratch THAT, my final straw should have been not falling for his nice facade of him not being like his family who are violent, sexist, mysoginistic wastes of space. You are the company you keep, and in his case both nature and nurture were against him.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead oh wow i am so sorry you went through that! I’m so glad you got out!

OP posts:

Original poster

ToughTimes88 · 08/10/2025 21:33

Yabayabadoo · 07/10/2025 23:54

A work affair that he continually gaslit me with. Tried to forgive when he eventually admitted it , might have stood a chance if he had looked for another job but he refused. He also put zero effort in , the arguing was affecting my DC so eventually kicked him out. He is with the OW but I am long over it

@Yabayabadoo this is shit. Well done you for moving on

OP posts: