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Original poster

Women who are divorced… what was your final straw?

174 replies

ToughTimes88 · 07/10/2025 23:14

As the title says really?

Previous poster but name change for obvious reasons

OP posts:
Original poster
ToughTimes88 · 08/10/2025 22:34

shellyleppard · 08/10/2025 21:57

@ToughTimes88 why has he not got a job?? I think you will end up despising him especially if you are working so much. Where do you see yourself in 10 or 15 years?? Sending hugs x

@shellyleppard he says there’s nothing out there that suits him. Or that the hours don’t fit with our childcare (he does half of the school run, I do the other half)

i don’t know how I’ll feel in the future. I imagine worse of things don’t change!

Edited as posted too soon

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 08/10/2025 22:34

He was crap with money. He was given a Christmas bonus of £200. That would have made a massive difference to life with a 3 year old and 2 year old ( this was 1995). He went to the pub at lunchtime Christmas eve with all his colleagues ( who had all been given the same bloody bonus ten minutes before) He bought a huge round of drinks then, because he was now very late home, he speeded down the A40 and was stopped by the police . Instant huge fine. By the time he got home most of the money was gone. Absolute prat.....maxed out credit cards on rubbish, bought a motorbike when we had a new baby and a toddler, took money from savings to buy a mountain bike we didnt neeed and couldn't afford, bought endless pairs of Levis for ' dress down Friday', didn't pay his poll tax bill and ignored the demand letters until bailiffs turned up at the house.

Original poster
ToughTimes88 · 08/10/2025 22:36

AngelinaFibres · 08/10/2025 22:34

He was crap with money. He was given a Christmas bonus of £200. That would have made a massive difference to life with a 3 year old and 2 year old ( this was 1995). He went to the pub at lunchtime Christmas eve with all his colleagues ( who had all been given the same bloody bonus ten minutes before) He bought a huge round of drinks then, because he was now very late home, he speeded down the A40 and was stopped by the police . Instant huge fine. By the time he got home most of the money was gone. Absolute prat.....maxed out credit cards on rubbish, bought a motorbike when we had a new baby and a toddler, took money from savings to buy a mountain bike we didnt neeed and couldn't afford, bought endless pairs of Levis for ' dress down Friday', didn't pay his poll tax bill and ignored the demand letters until bailiffs turned up at the house.

@AngelinaFibres that is awful. I feel like I get that. My ‘DH’ speeds all the time even when I tell him not to. His response to me is ‘don’t tell me how to drive’. It’s sickening really

OP posts:
Original poster
ToughTimes88 · 08/10/2025 22:37

hereistandtoday · 08/10/2025 22:03

We were married for years but the last couple of years it got gradually worse, and then when we had our twins… awful.

I was admitted into hospital for around 3-4 weeks before giving birth, it was a very high risk pregnancy and we knew our children would be premature. I was petrified in hospital and he was my only visitor permitted as it was during Covid. He would go to work during the day and visit at night. I was worried he wasn’t eating enough so I asked my Mum to pop over to our house one day whilst he was out working hard, to fill our fridge. She found him laying on the sofa gaming. Turns out he hadn’t been going to work most days, but pretending he had been whilst I lay in bed in hospital alone and petrified.

6 weeks after bringing our twins home from NICU, I discovered he’d registered with an escort agency.

Our wedding anniversary came around, no effort made, despite the fact it had been a big year with us having the twins. My Mum came over to take care of the twins so we could go for breakfast. He made such an issue out of not being bothered I went out with my Mum instead.

My maternity pay stopped and I went onto SMP. Wasn’t worried as we had savings to lean on. Until I found out he had spent all of our savings.

He started booking himself into hotels so that he could get “a good nights sleep”. Leaving me at home with twin babies (I had forgotten what sleep was by this point). On one of his hotel trips, something clicked and I checked his phone bill online. He was at a woman’s house. I kicked him out…

And then, he gaslit and lied to me, told me our savings had been lost to gambling and he was in trouble with loan sharks. Sent me screenshots of messages from these “loan sharks” saying they’d burn our house down with me and the babies (who were 7 months old by this point) in it. I didn’t sleep for months, had all the locks changed, ended up on anti anxiety tablets, had to have friends and family come over as I was petrified that these loan sharks would hurt me and the babies. Turns out it was all a lie to distract me from all the other women.

Christmas came around, he still wasn’t home and spent his energy and money taking women out on dates. I still wasn’t back to work from maternity leave, surviving on pittance and caring for two 1 year olds. One evening, I had a grocery order containing the babies milk and nappies coming the following morning, I got a text from the supermarket to say the order had been cancelled due to insufficient funds in the account. I checked our joint bank account, he’d completely drained it and used the money to take another new woman on a festive weekend away.

3 years on, I don’t know how I survived it. I am a very forgiving person, but I can never forgive what he did to me and how he ruined what should have been such a special first year with my babies.

Divorced and happy now 🤍

@hereistandtoday oh my goodness what you went through is awful! I wish you the best

OP posts:
Merseymum1980 · 08/10/2025 22:43

This is a great thread

User975312469 · 08/10/2025 22:45

I was married to a very heavy drinker. One night around 11 he said that he was going to the pub for just one drink. I woke around 1.30 and realised he hadn't come home. I drove to the pub to get him because I didn't want him driving over the limit. He was drunk and all over another woman at the door of the pub.

We got home and I told him to sleep on the couch because I had work in the morning. When I got up the next morning he was gone. He wouldn't answer his phone to me or our DD. I drove to the pub. It was obviously closed by then, but his car wasn't in the carpark so i knew he had walked back and taken it, even though he wouldn't have been sober.

He came back a few hours later and wanted me to go look in the back seat of his car. He had a length of rope there. He said that he had been driving around looking for a good place to hang himself because I was such a bad wife.

I realised then that I'd had enough of his guilt tripping and drinking to last a lifetime. DD was also glad to see the back of him.

shellyleppard · 08/10/2025 22:49

@ToughTimes88 sending hugs x here if you want to talk x

Shouldhavelovedathunderbird · 08/10/2025 23:15

ToughTimes88 · 08/10/2025 21:40

@Shouldhavelovedathunderbird that first one sounds abusive and the second sound useless. Glad for you that you’re rid!

Show quote history

The second was a different type of abusive, the lying, cheating, gaslighting variety. The 1st one was a foul little teenager. There was a pp about 'sausagegate', we had pizzagate. I'd just given birth and served him frozen pizza. He threw it away, saying it was too breaddy. Dickhead.

Original poster
ToughTimes88 · 08/10/2025 23:19

User975312469 · 08/10/2025 22:45

I was married to a very heavy drinker. One night around 11 he said that he was going to the pub for just one drink. I woke around 1.30 and realised he hadn't come home. I drove to the pub to get him because I didn't want him driving over the limit. He was drunk and all over another woman at the door of the pub.

We got home and I told him to sleep on the couch because I had work in the morning. When I got up the next morning he was gone. He wouldn't answer his phone to me or our DD. I drove to the pub. It was obviously closed by then, but his car wasn't in the carpark so i knew he had walked back and taken it, even though he wouldn't have been sober.

He came back a few hours later and wanted me to go look in the back seat of his car. He had a length of rope there. He said that he had been driving around looking for a good place to hang himself because I was such a bad wife.

I realised then that I'd had enough of his guilt tripping and drinking to last a lifetime. DD was also glad to see the back of him.

@User975312469 that is horrendous! I’m so sorry you went through that!!

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 08/10/2025 23:22

@User975312469 I'm so sorry you had to go through that x

RylanClarksTeeth · 08/10/2025 23:27

Leaving underpants with skid marks and socks that he'd wanked into in the washing basket.

SandStormNorm · 09/10/2025 00:15

I was 7 months into a very high risk pregnancy and just found out my Dad was terminally ill with cancer. We were close and I was very upset. I had just recovered from a blood clot, and he seemed in denial about how at risk I was (and the baby). I had previously lost two babies so was nervous about this pregnancy. I had saved money and cleared credit cards in anticipation of not being able to work for a while post-partum, as was needed for care of my Dad and with a newborn that potentially had complications. She did as it turns out, so watching my Dad slip away while juggling unwell infant was a difficult time. He secretly gave money to his friend, who spent it on gambling. He lied about it for months but it reached a point where I demanded the bank statements to finalise a tax return for our joint business. I just wanted all jobs out of the way before our baby arrived. It wasn't the money. It was the fact he lied and kept dodging the issue, and I told him there and then our marriage was over. I don't regret divorcing him as he has continued to lie about all manner of things big and small since then. It just seems like the way he is, and he does it to other people too so always in some drama or other with associates or colleagues. I will never marry anyone again, and it is solely because I struggle to trust anyone after my experience of my ex-husband.

JohnDenver · 09/10/2025 00:34

SugarSpice2020 · 08/10/2025 15:45

Has anyone with young kids been on verge of wanting to spilt but living abroad (hubby’s home) & wanting to return to your home country? But splitting would mean either leaving your kids behind (!!! As if!) or staying put in current place & possibly being more unhappy as you’d then be alone. … am possibly facing this!

You need specialist advice. Your exit won’t be quick or might be super quick.

speak to lawyers in both countries

HumphreyCushionintheHouse · 09/10/2025 00:34

I’d already seen some red flags, like rudeness to wait staff and customer service reps, and he’d started to show a mean streak to me, but I made excuses as I was in my late 30s and thought he was my last chance to have a family.
Then he kicked our dog, in a temper. I realised I couldn’t have children with this man. So I found an apartment, took the dog and left him.
I didn’t feel any sadness once I’d gone. I think I’d done all my grieving while I was with him, as I’d been very depressed and walking on eggshells around him. It was a relief to be away from him.

somethingbeginningwithb · 09/10/2025 01:14

So many occasions that should have been the last straw with my ex partner:

  1. When he made a waitress cry so much she was sent home early.
  2. When he punched a hole in my bathroom door in a fit of drunken rage.
  3. When he lost his job through gross misconduct then turned down work to concentrate on his ‘art’, leaving me as the sole breadwinner.
  4. The three times he dramatically proposed to me over the course of four years - even though I said yes each time a ring never materialised.
  5. When he claimed the reason he never initiated sex was because I “wasn’t nice to him” but then I found his profile on Gaydar - I threw him out but he moved himself back in 3 days later when I was at work!
What finally clinched it was his brother’s wedding. I never gelled with SIL but when I saw the pure love in her eyes for BIL as she walked down the aisle, I thought to myself: I’ll never experience that if I stay with him. This time, my Dad chucked him out and rang his parents to collect all his belongings from the front garden. 3 months later, I met DH. That was 15 years ago and life is infinitely better.
DoubtfulCat · 09/10/2025 06:47

Threads like these make me think how the hell have men got the gall to complain that they ans an group are all being left lonely and on their own? WTF is going on with the upbringing of boys that ends up with men who can do things like this to their wives and children? Why are so few of the good ones stepping up and shouting at their brethren to get a fucking grip, look in the fucking mirror, and behave like a decent fucking human being? This stuff should be rare, not common enough to fill a thread in a day!

Sending sympathy and hugs to everyone and also 🥂 that you are out safely.

DoubtfulCat · 09/10/2025 06:51

ToughTimes88 · 08/10/2025 22:34

@shellyleppard he says there’s nothing out there that suits him. Or that the hours don’t fit with our childcare (he does half of the school run, I do the other half)

i don’t know how I’ll feel in the future. I imagine worse of things don’t change!

Edited as posted too soon

Edited
Show quote history

How do conversations go when you point out that you’re doing everything?

RedAdmirals · 09/10/2025 07:11

Yabayabadoo · 07/10/2025 23:54

A work affair that he continually gaslit me with. Tried to forgive when he eventually admitted it , might have stood a chance if he had looked for another job but he refused. He also put zero effort in , the arguing was affecting my DC so eventually kicked him out. He is with the OW but I am long over it

Been there got that t-shirt and it's not a nice one.

I'm glad you're doing well now.

Winteriscoming80 · 09/10/2025 07:42

Crushed23 · 08/10/2025 01:20

Not a marriage but a longterm relationship.

When I realised I didn’t fancy him one bit and I could no longer keep having sex with him to keep the peace, and how much doing so for years had destroyed my sense of self. I was literally raping myself with his d*ck and it had to stop.

That was exactly my situation with my ex dh!

Journey1234 · 09/10/2025 08:50

amibeingaknob · 08/10/2025 20:08

This was in Australia. Police, social services, courts - fucking useless and made it worse. Ive been back in the UK without kids (all young adults) for a few years now, and two out of four loathe me (parental alienation is incredibly powerful). He got away with murder I feel - sounds dramatic but Id rather he shot me, the emotional pain he put me through. It almost killed me.
The ironic part - Im a social worker. I see it way way too often. Im not rare sadly.

That sounds awful I’m so sorry. 🌺

Journey1234 · 09/10/2025 08:56

Achewyhamster · 08/10/2025 14:36

He was a controlling wanker and id grown up with a narcissistic mother,so this was my normal

He would stalk me and take all my money while treating the dc like shit and watching me beg for money to be able to feed them (in his eyes he was the hero for providing food/nappies for them even though it was my money)

He did nothing all day,was happy enough to take but never give

The final straw was when id scrubbed the kitchen clean and id put some rubbish in a bread bag and asked him to put it in the outside bin

It was sat there for well over a week-id spent the whole day cleaning his mess and he couldn't be bothered to move a bread bag a few feet to the bin

He also kept making the 'jokes' around this time that 'if they are old enough to bleed,they are old enough to fuck' and 'can't get yourself a 16 year old?two 8 year olds will do!hawhawhaw!'

I threw him out (he didnt believe id do it,so kept trying to come back) and when the penny dropped that i didnt want him back,he started breaking into my home in the middle of the night and telling the world I was the one who had been shagging around (the police didnt want to know)

He waited until I was about 20 stitches from finishing a cross stitch (that id spent almost a year making) and 'accidentally' pouring a pint mug of black coffee over it and smirking at me while flicking fag ash all over my new carpet

A few months later,I find out that he'd been raping a young girl and got her pregnant (while we where breaking up)

He dragged me through the courts for access,just to control me and never paid a penny for the dc

It all ended in the end when he went to prison (not for any of the above) and I moved us away from the area

30 years on he still thinks he owns me and I'm his property

Last time I saw him,he spat at me and ignores his own children if he sees them in the street (all my fault apparently)

Wow this was a tough read. He sounds like a child sex offender. I can only imagine what you went through. What excuse did he have to be such a disgusting human? I hope you found peace. 💐

Journey1234 · 09/10/2025 09:04

hereistandtoday · 08/10/2025 22:03

We were married for years but the last couple of years it got gradually worse, and then when we had our twins… awful.

I was admitted into hospital for around 3-4 weeks before giving birth, it was a very high risk pregnancy and we knew our children would be premature. I was petrified in hospital and he was my only visitor permitted as it was during Covid. He would go to work during the day and visit at night. I was worried he wasn’t eating enough so I asked my Mum to pop over to our house one day whilst he was out working hard, to fill our fridge. She found him laying on the sofa gaming. Turns out he hadn’t been going to work most days, but pretending he had been whilst I lay in bed in hospital alone and petrified.

6 weeks after bringing our twins home from NICU, I discovered he’d registered with an escort agency.

Our wedding anniversary came around, no effort made, despite the fact it had been a big year with us having the twins. My Mum came over to take care of the twins so we could go for breakfast. He made such an issue out of not being bothered I went out with my Mum instead.

My maternity pay stopped and I went onto SMP. Wasn’t worried as we had savings to lean on. Until I found out he had spent all of our savings.

He started booking himself into hotels so that he could get “a good nights sleep”. Leaving me at home with twin babies (I had forgotten what sleep was by this point). On one of his hotel trips, something clicked and I checked his phone bill online. He was at a woman’s house. I kicked him out…

And then, he gaslit and lied to me, told me our savings had been lost to gambling and he was in trouble with loan sharks. Sent me screenshots of messages from these “loan sharks” saying they’d burn our house down with me and the babies (who were 7 months old by this point) in it. I didn’t sleep for months, had all the locks changed, ended up on anti anxiety tablets, had to have friends and family come over as I was petrified that these loan sharks would hurt me and the babies. Turns out it was all a lie to distract me from all the other women.

Christmas came around, he still wasn’t home and spent his energy and money taking women out on dates. I still wasn’t back to work from maternity leave, surviving on pittance and caring for two 1 year olds. One evening, I had a grocery order containing the babies milk and nappies coming the following morning, I got a text from the supermarket to say the order had been cancelled due to insufficient funds in the account. I checked our joint bank account, he’d completely drained it and used the money to take another new woman on a festive weekend away.

3 years on, I don’t know how I survived it. I am a very forgiving person, but I can never forgive what he did to me and how he ruined what should have been such a special first year with my babies.

Divorced and happy now 🤍

Im
so glad your happy now! He sounds awful.

Meandmyguy · 09/10/2025 09:10

Slapping my then 5 year old son across the face.

Get. The. Fuck. Out.

We haven't seen him since 2014.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 09/10/2025 11:29

neveradmit17 · 08/10/2025 13:09

He'd been highly abusive for years but I'm another who stayed for the kids. I think I've told this story on here before....one day he was doing his usual threatening me about something or other I had or hadn't done, and something switched inside of me. I suddenly looked at him and realised that he was just an insignificant, not very bright, jerk. It was a real light bulb moment.

For the first time ever, I stood my ground and said something like 'you're not going to threaten me any more, and I'm now free of you' He was really taken aback. I should say that he was never physically violent (although he threatened it a lot) but every other sort of coercive control. It sounds like nothing, but it was a completely amazing moment. After that, he caved in quite a bit and went quite quietly in the end.

I had a similar moment.
After a few years of things getting worse, his overspending, utter laziness, punching holes in doors, escalating into violence against me, etc. etc. I was still desperately trying to "make it work between us".
Then one evening he went out, again, leaving me alone, again, with our toddler.

The door shut behind him and in a split second, I went from being 100% in the relationship to 100% out. I knew I was leaving. It was so strange, like a switch had been flipped.
I moved out within the week.

FogCatcher · 09/10/2025 12:47

When he described our autistic son as a “thing” as in “get that thing away from me” and threatened to put him into care saying he doesn’t know where he is anyway. Terrible.

Others - Behaved like a dick on Father’s Day and refused to open his children’s presents and handmade cards cos he was in a mood with me. He also looked at the little pile of gifts and said “there’s hardly anything there”

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