Amazing first date, heard from the next day but is now ignoring me.

[Boomska]

Hello!
im looking for advice.

I went on amazing first date that lasted 6 hours! We even had a hot kiss at the end and we both were sober as we were driving. We even spoke about going on a second date!

the first date happened on Friday night, we then spoke Saturday morning and afternoon where the convo flowed naturally. However, I haven’t heard from him since his last message on Saturday night which he sent at 6:45pm. I replied to it an hour later.

but then I’ve not heard from him. I’ve sent him another message Sunday mid afternoon just being like “hey noticed you’ve been quiet- I hope everything’s ok?” As he normally texts quite promptly. And still nothing. I know he’s been on his phone so definitely feel like he may be ghosting? 😭 I just hope he isnt ghosting me.

I’m just wondering when should I cut the chord and accept he’s ghosting or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 72hrs?

thanks for reading xx

There is ZERO value in sending that message. There was zero value in sending the ‘you’ve been quiet message.’ There is zero value giving this head space, which you absolutely are despite your protests that you’re not. Remember that he isn’t giving it any at all. Either he’s not interested (most likely), or he’s super busy with some unforeseen circumstance. Either way it’s his turn to text, and all you are achieving with multiple texts is having him pick up his phone, roll his eyes and think ‘just leave me alone.’

What do you mean give him 72h? Do not message him again!

It suck’s when this happens, we’ve all been there.

I had it a few times in my online dating days, one or two great dates, amazing connection etc etc massive spark and then… radio silence. The most standout one was one great dinner date, followed by me going to his for him to cook the following Friday night, and I didn’t end up leaving until the Sunday. We had an amazing time, he treated me like a queen, encouraged me to stay an extra night etc … I left that Sunday on top of the world and then never heard from him again. It’s so confusing!

But honestly I wouldn’t bother texting him again. You text him back Saturday night, then again Sunday. He’s not replied to your last two messages. If he wanted to, he would. It’s crap but he’s not interested. Just leave it. Also at the risk of sounding harsh, he’s probably quite put off by your text from yesterday, it’s a bit intense after one date.

Sounds like he might have dodged a bullet. That text would completely put me off tbh.

This - 100%

Don’t triple text him. If anything, he will think you are super needy.
Give him the 72 hours if you want but personally I would have got the message loud and clear that he is not interested. And block.

🤣

I’m someone who loves texting/messaging. I WhatsApp very regularly with friends and family, and DH and I have messaged most days since we met. We’re now married, live together, and still send each other memes all the time. And even I think this is mad.

If I put myself in his shoes: we go out on Friday, have a great time, loads of chemistry. We message a few times on Saturday, last one in the evening. On Sunday, I’m out with friends, maybe a roast, not really on my phone. Then I wake up Monday morning, get ready for work, check my phone, and the person I thought was lovely and fun, the one I was looking forward to messaging later today or tomorrow, has sent that message. I’d be freaked out, really disappointed, and would block them on the spot.

It’s like some people have no self control or self soothing capabilities. It must be exhausting to live like that.

You have to give him time to do the running and if he doesn’t he doesn’t you can’t control that or make it happen by pestering him. Give yourself a talking to an move on. It was just one date you shouldn’t be that invested. If you want online dating to work for you you have to stop doing this. Play it cool. Guys much much prefer this - they don’t like being chased - I know it shouldn’t be like this but I think it’s down to biology tbh . You will get a better result if you back off and be a bit mysterious !

Oh god don’t triple text!

You have had one date, and you’re about to text him for the third time (and have started a thread on MN) after not hearing from him for one day?!

I agree he isn’t interested or you would have heard from him, men chase and put effort in to who they want, but don’t embarrass yourself by texting him a third time! Just move on.

I fear he was managing your expectations from the very start OP, by telling you from the off he is a poor communicator.

Do the Claudia Schiffer test. Can you imagine any man on a first date with her saying 'Claude, I'm a shit communicator, so don't expect much'.
I can't.
Move on.

Nooooooo don't send that text OP, you'll scare him off if you haven't already! You're not in a relationship, he doesn't owe you constant messaging, the ball's in his court now, you'll soon know if he's still interested

This is why no-one deserves 6 hours of your precious time on a first date. Aways have something else to do after 3 hours maximum. Your time is too valuable for strangers, and that's who someone is on a first date. Such a long first date can also create a feeling of intimacy that isn't really there.

I never double text either. Men either want you or they don't, and when they want you, there's never any question in your mind.

This man doesn't behave in the way you want in a partner, OP, so in this case you've been handed an excellent chance to bin him off early doors. Sending that last text you sent? Whenever you find yourself trying to educate another adult on the appropriate way to behave, you are better saving your breath/fingers. They know, they just don't want to.

Why on earth would he be “all in” after one date? I’d be worried if he was all in after one date - what else is missing from his life that one date takes over his life.

@Boomskaslow the fuck down a bit. Anything could have happened to stop him messaging you - he might even just want a bit of head space, or not naturally be someone in constant contact. Give it time, he might message back, he might not but pressing for some kind of response would be a red flag for me.

I'm with your ex on that one. I don't see the need for daily contact. Ignoring messages is another matter though.

I tend to agree with this.

Don’t message him again until he responds you.

It’s normal not to talk everyday for some people and it could be nothing. He could if been busy. The possibilities are endless.

However, train yourself to stop chasing people. Let it flow naturally and match the effort.

@Boomska what did his last message say? Anything about being in touch later or just thanks for a nice time?

I thought this too, I went on a date with a self confessed crap texter and in hindsight he wasn’t that interested in me but wanted to keep me on the backburner for when/if he was bored.

Under no circumstances should you send that message.

Please start respecting yourself and your time.

I would say hey it was good seeing you but as I haven’t heard from you ill take it as you aren’t looking for anything more, thanks for the friendly date , hope you find what your looking for. Then block him

Someone who can't take, what, a min to send a hello text? You don't want one like this, honestly, setting yourself up for this kind of stuff from the off. Get back out there. There will be plenty more amazing dates with people more reliable and thoughtful!

I would be mighty pissed off if someone I barely know, sent me 3 texts in a row basically asking me why I haven't replied. He may be messing with your head, he also may have had something come up that he has no obligation to share with you.
The former is most likely the case but you don't know him, there could be a multitude of reasons.

Remember that many people are ‘good’ at first dates. They’re charming, articulate, funny, intelligent. Throw in good looking and sexy and then every single first date they go on is ‘amazing’ according to the other person.

100% this 👆🏻

I don't understand why guys do this. It's frustrating. It seems like he might be ghosting otherwise there's no reason why he doesn't reply. Sometimes they are scared to communicate, and wants to avoid the awkwardness. Or may have been on another date too. Please update if you hear anything!