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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Amazing first date, heard from the next day but is now ignoring me.

398 replies

Boomska · 06/10/2025 01:51

Hello!
im looking for advice.

I went on amazing first date that lasted 6 hours! We even had a hot kiss at the end and we both were sober as we were driving. We even spoke about going on a second date!

the first date happened on Friday night, we then spoke Saturday morning and afternoon where the convo flowed naturally. However, I haven’t heard from him since his last message on Saturday night which he sent at 6:45pm. I replied to it an hour later.

but then I’ve not heard from him. I’ve sent him another message Sunday mid afternoon just being like “hey noticed you’ve been quiet- I hope everything’s ok?” As he normally texts quite promptly. And still nothing. I know he’s been on his phone so definitely feel like he may be ghosting? 😭 I just hope he isnt ghosting me.

I’m just wondering when should I cut the chord and accept he’s ghosting or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 72hrs?

thanks for reading xx

OP posts:
Ashersmom · 06/10/2025 07:51

Don't message again.

LoftyRobin · 06/10/2025 07:53

Boomska · 06/10/2025 07:50

I totally get what you both mean but I think with online dating (or however you’ve met them!) you pick up on someone’s communication and see if it mirrors yours. I never said he had to be in constant communication, but the amount we were messaging was suitable for my preference. As for some people prefer more and some people prefer less 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ communication is a big thing for me because it shows how they included you in their life & whether they are thinking about your feelings, even after one date.

Show quote history

I think it is unreasonable to believe that the communication you have on day 1 is the same as day 100. If you start where you want to start on day 1, you live together by day 100. There is nowhere to go.

Lighteningstrikes · 06/10/2025 07:53

Stop chasing you’ll make yourself look desperate.

I know it’s hard, but listen to what his silence is telling you.

KingCatMeowInSpace · 06/10/2025 07:54

Don’t send that - it’s been no time at all. Give him some space. That text will def put him off. No need to keep messaging. He knows where you are and you’ve been on 1 date! He doesn’t need to message straight away.

Original poster
Boomska · 06/10/2025 07:55

LoftyRobin · 06/10/2025 07:51

I think it is really unreasonable to bombard him with text messages because he hasn't answered for a few days. Honestly if I was dating again, I'd need to make sure that a new date understood that we arent going in with daily contact and expectations. We will build up to that.

Please, for your sake, do not send that last message. You aren't in a relationship and anything could have happened that is keeping him busy. Yes he may well be on another date. But in truth, you should have things to do as well. Not sat there waiting for his texts. It isn't healthy.

If a man took this approach to me, because I hadn't replied to him over the weekend, I'd see it as a red flag for control and abuse.

Im not sat waiting around for him to message, I’ve had a busy weekend as my life doesn’t stop for a man but I have noticed he hasn’t been messaging as I had a couple hours free yesterday where I thought we could meet up for a walk if he was free too.

OP posts:
fknEndlessCycle · 06/10/2025 07:56

I entirely get where you’re coming from but don’t send that next text. He might just have been tired or any other valid reason. I’m a major texter in a dating situation but I can go a day without texting back when I just need a rest from everyone/everything. After one date he probably has no idea you could freak out about it

pinenuts75 · 06/10/2025 07:57

Boomska · 06/10/2025 07:46

Thanks everyone for their input about this one. He definitely said he was a poor communicator on the date and that he was getting better, so maybe that should’ve been my first 🚩

something about this whole situation feels off, but it’s hard to know with online dating. I’ve had guys blame their mental health for going quiet…

he definitely could’ve been on another date and he’s right to do so, but that’s why I didn’t message for the rest of the Saturday night & waited until Sunday to send a prompt.

I think I’m going to send another message today (fuck what he thinks!) that basically says this: “Hey, I know you’ve said communication isn’t your strong suit, but I have to be honest; going quiet like this comes across as rude and hurtful. I’d much rather you be upfront and you’re no longer interested than just disappear”

i’ll keep you all updated xx

I really wouldn’t message him that sorry it makes you sound desperate, have some self respect, I don’t mean to be horrible when I say that, he’s just unlikely to respond, just move on and get chatting to someone else, with online dating you have to have a very thick skin and lots of respect for yourself.

Jsowny · 06/10/2025 07:57

If a man was behaving this way towards me after one date (I mean as the OP is doing re texting) I would run a mile.

hidinginthebathroomagain · 06/10/2025 07:57

Boomska · 06/10/2025 07:46

Thanks everyone for their input about this one. He definitely said he was a poor communicator on the date and that he was getting better, so maybe that should’ve been my first 🚩

something about this whole situation feels off, but it’s hard to know with online dating. I’ve had guys blame their mental health for going quiet…

he definitely could’ve been on another date and he’s right to do so, but that’s why I didn’t message for the rest of the Saturday night & waited until Sunday to send a prompt.

I think I’m going to send another message today (fuck what he thinks!) that basically says this: “Hey, I know you’ve said communication isn’t your strong suit, but I have to be honest; going quiet like this comes across as rude and hurtful. I’d much rather you be upfront and you’re no longer interested than just disappear”

i’ll keep you all updated xx

Don’t send another message whatever you do.

BadgernTheGarden · 06/10/2025 07:58

Boomska · 06/10/2025 07:50

I totally get what you both mean but I think with online dating (or however you’ve met them!) you pick up on someone’s communication and see if it mirrors yours. I never said he had to be in constant communication, but the amount we were messaging was suitable for my preference. As for some people prefer more and some people prefer less 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ communication is a big thing for me because it shows how they included you in their life & whether they are thinking about your feelings, even after one date.

Show quote history

How old are you both? It sounds like a rather intense reaction to one date and could become a really claustrophobic relationship (for him anyway). I guess I'm too old to understand the need for that type of constant reassurance and extreme reaction to it not being forthcoming (ie, your proposed message).

OrdinaryGirl · 06/10/2025 07:58

Please OP, don’t message him. It will achieve nothing and will make you feel awful and angry and needy when you don’t get a reply or the reply that you want. If he was into you, you would know it and be feeling wonderful. Move on.
It is mad and dated and people will quack about it, but consider reading The Complete Rules by Fein and Schneider, and have a 3 month pilot of being a Rules Girl. I think you can only find copies secondhand now.
Honestly life changing for me (many years ago) and for a number of women I personally know who also did this. Used to have a train-wreck love life but this book - flawed and bonkers as it is - turned it around.

TwistedWonder · 06/10/2025 07:58

Please don’t send another message OP - you will look like you’re chasing him and it will come across desperate.

Just remember that if he wanted to he would. Unfortunately maybe the dare wasn’t as amazing for him as it was for you and he’s just not interested.

Yes ghosting is cowardly but chasing for a response isn’t the answer.

Let this one go

bunnypenny · 06/10/2025 07:59

For the love of God, do not send him that text message.

how old are you?

Personperson · 06/10/2025 08:00

Definitely don't message him that. Just don't message him at all.

Hurt? You hardly know him.

Move on with grace op.

Iamfree · 06/10/2025 08:00

OP, please don’t message, his silence IS a message. For whatever reason he’s not interested. The more you message the more he’ll think “phew, I’ve dodged a bullet”.

nilniosk · 06/10/2025 08:03

You’re coming across really obsessive. Your Sunday text would have put me off. Less than 24 hours of no contact and you’re telling him he’s ‘quiet’ and sending ‘prompts’.

And now you’re planning to send a F you text. There’s a red flag here for sure, not sure it’s coming from him.

Lighteningstrikes · 06/10/2025 08:04

Do not send that text.

You sound completely obsessed.

Calm down and really think about the effect your forceful approach has on people.

Honestly it’s no wonder he’s ignoring you.

If a man wants you he’ll get you, but you can’t force or control the situation.

NigellaWannabe1 · 06/10/2025 08:06

OP, that’s not a good message. You already sent him one saying you were wondering about his lack of contact. That text is on his phone and he’s not doing anything about it. If you absolutely must send him one (although I think you shouldn’t), just say something casual about your day. Don’t beg.

DaisyChain505 · 06/10/2025 08:06

If someone wants to make the effort they will.

if someone wants to message you they will.

We live on our phones now and there’s really no excuse for someone not to be in contact.

You need to remember that you can have a great first date and it can still not lead anywhere unfortunately.

GroovyChick87 · 06/10/2025 08:06

Unless he comes back with a good excuse that his phone is broken or he's been ill, he's not interested. Under no circumstances message him again. I reckon he's been on another date and he'll probably get in contact soon but I couldn't be doing with wishy washy communication if I was looking for a serious relationship. When they are interested in you there is none of this doubt.

Rhubarbandgooseburycrumble · 06/10/2025 08:07

I don’t think he’s the one with the red flags! If you sent me that text or even the one 24 hours after a date, it would put me off.

You’ve been on one date!! I’d feel suffocated by your messages.

Lighteningstrikes · 06/10/2025 08:08

How old are you?
Whatever age, I really hope you are acknowledging what posters are saying. They know from good hard experience.

Fmlgirl · 06/10/2025 08:08

ShowOfHands · 06/10/2025 07:43

This thread has really surprised me. Are we really supposed to be in constant contact? With a person we've been on one date with?

Surely it isn't healthy to count in hours how long it is since somebody messaged? To be watching their online activity and ascribing meaning to it? This sounds like so much hard work.

After one date?

I've clearly been out of the dating game too long.

Agree.

childrenwatchthefools · 06/10/2025 08:10

Back when mobile signal was dodgy and phone boxes still existed, I had a bloke I’d been on one date with walk 6 MILES to find a call box to get in touch as his phone wasn’t working properly. We went out for over a year. Believe me, if he wants to get in touch then he will. DO NOT MESSAGE HIM AGAIN.
think about it - if you’re unsure about something and someone keeps hassling you, what does it make you do? It doesn’t make you go ‘oh yes! Ok then!’ - it puts you off, like if you’re in Lush and the salesperson bothers you when you just wanted a quiet browse. same thing. Just leave him be.

JoanOgden · 06/10/2025 08:10

It's so easy to fling yourself into a first date then realise the next day that actually you don't want to take it forward for whatever reason. Particularly if you're dating other people at the same time. If he's unsure then putting him under any pressure will be counter-productive.

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