Amazing first date, heard from the next day but is now ignoring me.

[Boomska]

Hello!
im looking for advice.

I went on amazing first date that lasted 6 hours! We even had a hot kiss at the end and we both were sober as we were driving. We even spoke about going on a second date!

the first date happened on Friday night, we then spoke Saturday morning and afternoon where the convo flowed naturally. However, I haven’t heard from him since his last message on Saturday night which he sent at 6:45pm. I replied to it an hour later.

but then I’ve not heard from him. I’ve sent him another message Sunday mid afternoon just being like “hey noticed you’ve been quiet- I hope everything’s ok?” As he normally texts quite promptly. And still nothing. I know he’s been on his phone so definitely feel like he may be ghosting? 😭 I just hope he isnt ghosting me.

I’m just wondering when should I cut the chord and accept he’s ghosting or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 72hrs?

thanks for reading xx

These threads make me smile.

I am in my early 70s. My parents did not have a telephone installed until after I had left home for art college at 18. If I wanted to speak to a boyfriend in between dates I had to walk several minutes to the only phone box in our village to phone him and hope that he was at home.

Why do people feel the need for daily contact?

Hold on - you texted him saying ‘you’ve been quiet’ after a couple days? And he ‘normally’ replies promptly? How can it be normal this early on?
I didn’t have a mobile at the time but my DH didn’t call me for a week after our first date as he was busy AND he was on dates with a couple other women he’d set up before he met me. But I waited and thought after a week that was it when he called, and we married a year later.
Texting really makes it feel you need to be in contact constantly - that would drive me crazy. Forget about sending that last text, it comes across as needy after one date! Just get on with your life and stop investing so much in every date.

This. If you need to question it, he’s not all in.

You're quite possibly on the bit on the side list.

Did he do and say all the right things, made you feel amazing, gave you the perfect date?

If so, he's had a lot of practice and he'll be getting some more in elsewhere.

@Boomska - you’ve only had one date. He doesn’t owe you communication. In fact, silence is communication. It’s decades since i dated but it was accepted that, in the early days, men called if they were interested and didn’t if they weren’t. I understand it’s disappointing (we’ve all been there) but sending another message complaining about him not contacting you is really excessive. If you were a man hassling a woman in that way, it would be regarded as problematic. Please take your cue from his silence and move on.

But he hasn't ghosted her! He just hasn't replied for 1 day!

Whatever the reason.. you were ghosted, he was on another date with someone who put out, his girlfriend arrived home earlier from her spa weekend … whatever …

He’s gone off grid. End of story. Leave it. This one is a no-go.

If he starts the stop-start messaging thing then it’s a red flag for sure. But right now he’s not really done much wrong other than perhaps being inconsiderate.

you however - are showing some red flag 🚩 tendencies and perhaps should step out of the dating game to reevaluate your dating skills and ability to recognise and accept that rejection is part and parcel of it.

You are coming over as needy and kinda stalkerish (you know he’s been online 😱) and you want to send a final text??? That’s really cringy and trust me - you will not stop overthinking that text if you send it.

Then there will be the “yeah I guess you ghosted me” and the “I don’t know why everyone does this to me” by which point he would have blocked you (if he hadn’t already)

Block him delete him remove the temptation and then step away from the phone.

It's these messages that us under 50s have been getting from media aimed at us since the 90s. We are told that the green flags we should look for in a guy that is interested us are essentially the same as the red flags that predict he will try to kill us one day.

I’m bamboozled not texting for a day is a problem. Why couldn’t you have just caught up next week about a second date? It’s only one date. You’re both individuals who have lives.

Oh I agree, I meant more that if he was keen, he probably would have replied to her message yesterday asking if all was good. So either he isn’t keen, or he sort of was but has been put off by the response to less than 24 hours of not texting, which really shouldn’t be significant. Either way, probably best to send a quick text saying “nice to meet you but blah blah insert generic message here”.

I think I’m going to send another message today (fuck what he thinks!) that basically says this: “Hey, I know you’ve said communication isn’t your strong suit, but I have to be honest; going quiet like this comes across as rude and hurtful. I’d much rather you be upfront and you’re no longer interested than just disappear”

This is just going to make you look nuts. He’s been quiet for what, 36 hours?

I agree with PP it probably means he’s not that into you, but it’s not rude or hurtful. He hasn’t done anything wrong and berating him makes you look a bit obsessed.

Just stop texting him and get on with your life.

Your expectations sound too much to be honest. And all these people saying he was probably on another date on Saturday! Maybe he was out with mates and hung over on Sunday! Maybe he had a family thing arranged. Maybe he thinks you're a bit OTT now and you've scared him off.

Just because people can text back instantly due to technology doesn't mean they have to and I think you need to give it longer than a day before deciding you've been ghosted.

Fair enough to lay your cards on the table, nothing to lose. But I would move on. I hate the expectation to be in constant contact so feel sorry people that are expected to be constantly sending messages when it's not their thing, and it sounds like he has been fairly upfront about that in a sense, but if you're feeling something is off then just take note of that and move on.

See to me, the whole "keen" thing is irrelevant. Yes it was a great first date, but that should just be one of the things that he had going on and shouldn't be this major priority that means he cant focus on other things for one day. I am not sure you want a guy who is really keen if keen means that after one date, I'm number 1 in his world . I think that might be a red flag in itself.

I agree 100% this would scare me so much if from a man after one date. If you were a few dates along and had slept with him then fine, but you just men him! Allow him one day off texting you. He’ll be afraid you’re bunny boiler

if you need instant attention you’ll attract love bonvers not normal guys

Yes I agree with this. I think if he wanted too he would have already messaged or even replied to the Sunday text.

ergo he’s ghosted her.

interestingly I learnt this lesson the hard way some 20 years ago. I didn’t send the Sunday text but the great date got back in contact midweek arranged a second date the following weekend and then ghosted me …

i messaged him the night before - no response - I then messaged him the morning of the date hey are we still on this afternoon and … nothing…

I still got somewhat ready just in case and then when it got to the point where if I didn’t leave the house I would have been late, I sent him a message saying “I won’t be at meeting place as I’ve not heard that date is on but I expect that if I was you wouldn’t be there either. Thanks for letting me know earlier when I text 🙄”

he then came back with “yeah sorry I forgot I agreed to watch football with my dad yesterday and I’ve been ill all day ” utter horseshit. He just had a better offer.

men can be pricks. We’ve all been there.

That’s is OP, sit back and wait for things to happen on his timeline otherwise you’ll seem “obsessed”.

god forbid a woman should expect a bit of communication. By the way, the way you’ve worded this is very unpleasant. Perhaps you should think about the way you come across, the way you’d like OP to reflect on the same

If i was his friend, I'd have told him to move on from you after the first message on Sudnay. Yo've met him ONCE and you're already sending chaser messages asking if "everything is okay" becuase he hasn't texted you in 12 hours?

Sorry OP, but you need to dial this back hugely.

Honestly OP you are obsessing. I get it / I can be like this too. I was climbing the walls yesterday as a guy said he would then didnt. But I actually went on the site and started a few convos and got into great banter with another guy. He’s not the only one out there. Give him some space and time - you’re crowding him/ try and have a couple of potentials on the go. It will stop your brain fixating on one person. I understand as I’m totally like this too. But it’s a lot more attractive to play it cool calm and collected. Try not to worry and like the others say if he likes you he will contact you again and you can decide then. You have to control yourself it’s hard but you won’t get what you want by sending that message today. Try and distract yourself sit on your hands and do nothing. Trust me it will work one way or the other . If he wants to he will get in touch and if he doesn’t he won’t. You will know soon enough !

Don't send him another message OP. He knows your number and doesn't need to be prompted. Don't set up a pattern where you have to beg for contact. You'll always be chasing after him even if he does want another date. Put your efforts into finding someone who doesn't mess you about.

You’ve been on one date and now he’s ignoring you, doesn’t that say it all? Just delete, block and move on. Sending messages like that will make you look needy as hell. Move on OP.

Your reading too much into this in terms of how long to wait you've messaged him twice hes been online and said he had a pretty free weekend. You aren't dating you had one date move on with your life, message others on the app if ur interested do whatever else would normally be doing had u not had that one date and if u hear from him then great if not its not a massive loss its one date. The bad communication with none Saturday would put me off personally it takes two seconds to message someone to say your busy. Sorry but I dont think he's interested in taking it further

Even if he comes back with a drama excuse for why he hasn't been in contact( I wouldn't believe him) and he took you out on another date, you have subliminally told him you're prepared to put up with his crap and he will treat you accordingly. As someone said above , know your worth and 'next'.

After one date, I would not want to be in daily constant contact with the person no matter how much I liked them. It's a bit suffocating.
You had a life before this dage which didn't involve constant contact eith a person you just met, now all of a sudden you need to build into your day to check your phone and reply every few hours. Its a lot to ask.
Just chill now and see if he messages you ina few days.
Going from 0 to 100 after 1 date is probably too much for most people. Ease into it.

Wait, you spent six hours together on Friday night, texted all day on Saturday, and you’re now complaining because he didn’t text all day on Sunday as well?

If a man had those expectations of me after one date, I would think he was way too clingy and intense.