Amazing first date, heard from the next day but is now ignoring me.

[Boomska]

Hello!
im looking for advice.

I went on amazing first date that lasted 6 hours! We even had a hot kiss at the end and we both were sober as we were driving. We even spoke about going on a second date!

the first date happened on Friday night, we then spoke Saturday morning and afternoon where the convo flowed naturally. However, I haven’t heard from him since his last message on Saturday night which he sent at 6:45pm. I replied to it an hour later.

but then I’ve not heard from him. I’ve sent him another message Sunday mid afternoon just being like “hey noticed you’ve been quiet- I hope everything’s ok?” As he normally texts quite promptly. And still nothing. I know he’s been on his phone so definitely feel like he may be ghosting? 😭 I just hope he isnt ghosting me.

I’m just wondering when should I cut the chord and accept he’s ghosting or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 72hrs?

thanks for reading xx

Maybe. And I don’t disagree with anything you’ve said. But I think OP has sensed a change in his communication and attention. That’s what has unsettled her. And the reason she sensed a change is because he has created as a pp said a false intimacy with a 6 hour date and kissing. And imho there’s a reason men do that. He’s then realised it wasn’t going to immediately pay off so he’s moved on.

When I first started dating I did the repeated texts without replies a few times and I cringe now thinking about it. I do get the impulse and once you've sent a text you think how you should have said something else, but seriously if you've sent two texts that's enough. I really hope you didn't send that third one, as you'll just be lowering yourself and it won't make him feel bad. He'll just know how he got to you and how you were quite desperate.

Like others say it was a mistake to write the "are you ok?" text so soon. It'd been less than 24hrs. People have lives and different ways of communicating. I disagree with some people here who say that a guy will be in constant contact if he likes you. Some people like some space and the long date plus texting the next day might have been a bit too much too soon and he just wanted a bit of space. That's what I would be like. Then if I'd received that text I would feel the person was a bit desperate.

People lose track of time, have other things going on etc. On MN there are always people saying someone is playing this game by how they're acting, but in real life people don't have that much thought going into it.

Anyone noticing the irony that the OP, so confused and bewildered by being "ghosted" after a few hours by a guy, posted loads before 8am yesterday and then hasn't even been back to the thread?
It's been TWENTY-SEVEN HOURS op!!
Where aaaaarrrrreeeee yyooooooouuu?

That could also be true yes. The upshot is OP needs to be a bit more cautious. Both with long dates, expectations and contact afterwards.

I’m sorry that makes no sense, at all, not in my mind, a false sense of intimacy due to one six hour date and a kiss, does not mean you get another date the next day, you can call them on the morning, then text all day long, then decide the next day they’ve been quiet, then send an arse text the following day saying it’s hurtful

yes his communication changed, likely as the op was continually trying to get his attention, I can genuinely say if I went on a date with a man, and he did what the op did, I’d also shut down and stop communicating and I’m fairly sure if the genders were reversed people would be saying run by the time the female got that third demanding needy text.

Nail on the head!

Then he's a bit of a melt. I wouldn't get freaked out by someone keeping on messaging me. A sincere person wouldn't be overwhelmed by something so small.

Doesn't sleeping with them put them off? My friend went through a phase of sleeping with every guy she went on a date with but they'd all either ghost her or taper off communications and it seemed like once sex was on the table, they lost interest

well I would. It has nothing to do with 'sincerity', as you put it. It's a question of space, for both sides, of having other things to do, of communication styles. As another PP pointed out, if it was the man who kept on messaging, it would called love-bombing. So he could have been shagging another girl, or maybe not, or something else has come up. Waiting 24/36/48 hours is not a long time , and of course he may never text. It was just a date, FFS, and a first date at that (even if it was a great one).

I suspect we’ll never get to know how this pans out, as the OP has not returned. As much as I didn’t want her to chase him, I’m not surprised she was upset

This thread is a terrifying illustration of just how warped some people's idea of relationship has become.

OP, you spent six hours with a complete stranger, and became a ravenous addict, desperate for your next fix.

You haven't the slightest interest in who this man actually is as a person. For example, if he is thoughtful and grounded enough to let your date settle in himself before he decides if he wants to see you again. (Something you should also be doing, btw.) Or if he is spending time with someone else, and slowly working out who will suit him best. (Something else you should be doing too.)

You care only about a fantasy concocted in your head, and that he performs the role you have cast him in exactly as you have scripted it. He deviates, and all hell breaks loose.

If you feel uncomfortable i.e. anxious and insecure without immediate and constant follow-up attention from this person you have only known for 6 hours, it does not signify that he is doing something wrong. Instead it is a sign that you are in no fit state to be looking for a relationship. Get some therapy. And stay away from whatever influences have suggested your behaviour is healthy or normal.

What you are doing, how you are interacting, it has nothing whatsoever to do with genuinely getting to know someone. If he has any wisdom, if he is someone you'd want to be in relationship with, he will have run very far away.

I wouldn’t be so sure about your first paragraph.

I had a married man messaging me for a year, and then travelled 6 hours to see me, sober, for just a few hours.

You can never predict how someone might behave.

OP, he’s possibly in a relationship or seeing someone else. But for the love of god, don’t message him again.

@Allthatshines1992 that's not my experience.

@stravaig so true

If you urgently seek approval and connection from strangers its not because of them. Its because somewhere inside you...you dont value yourself enough

Hello OP.

I know it's hard, but try your best to forget about him for now, move on, look to date others. He isn't the be all and end all. If he appears in the near future with a very reasonable excuse, then see how you feel. As for why he didn't reply, this has happened to so many of us including myself, you could drive yourself mad thinking of all the different reasons. Could be anything. So please don't give it any more thought xx

I think that’s very unusual. I mean who wants to message for a year with a stranger in the first place. Sure some people behave in odd ways, but I think overall the poster is correct, the fact there is some exceptions and people who behave oddly and a bit desperate doesn’t change that.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yes 💯

No one has so many "other things to do" that stops them sending a short text which will take a minute or two, just to explain he's busy and will text/message later. No one is so busy they can't do that! It's simply a complete lack of respect that he couldn't be bothered to even send back a short "holding" message. It shows his true character and the OP is right to walk away and forget him.

Well, I disagree. Especially after a first six-hour date. I call it breathing space. But then I'm not beholden to my phone.

Im with you, I also disagree. In fact quite stunned at the posters position, the entitlement is off the charts.

Totally agree. After a 6 hour date I’d have things to do with my own life and I’d want the space to see how I felt once the dust had settled.

If I got a ‘you’ve gone quiet message’ because I didn't reply within a day of the date, I’d find that needy.

Id rather not bother with meaningless ‘I’m busy message later’ type messages. I’d wait until I had time to respond properly.

And if in the meantime I got an essay about how hurtful it was to someone I’d met once, I’d definitely be deleting that number.

So he’s gonna call in a bit - Mr softy - oh god I have it bad - I can’t help it - when I saw him texting 🥰

Oh God