Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Amazing first date, heard from the next day but is now ignoring me.

398 replies

Boomska · 06/10/2025 01:51

Hello!
im looking for advice.

I went on amazing first date that lasted 6 hours! We even had a hot kiss at the end and we both were sober as we were driving. We even spoke about going on a second date!

the first date happened on Friday night, we then spoke Saturday morning and afternoon where the convo flowed naturally. However, I haven’t heard from him since his last message on Saturday night which he sent at 6:45pm. I replied to it an hour later.

but then I’ve not heard from him. I’ve sent him another message Sunday mid afternoon just being like “hey noticed you’ve been quiet- I hope everything’s ok?” As he normally texts quite promptly. And still nothing. I know he’s been on his phone so definitely feel like he may be ghosting? 😭 I just hope he isnt ghosting me.

I’m just wondering when should I cut the chord and accept he’s ghosting or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 72hrs?

thanks for reading xx

OP posts:
TotalEclipse23 · 07/10/2025 06:22

@Boomska you’ve been quiet. Is everything okay?

ilovepuppies2019 · 07/10/2025 06:37

ShowOfHands · 06/10/2025 07:43

This thread has really surprised me. Are we really supposed to be in constant contact? With a person we've been on one date with?

Surely it isn't healthy to count in hours how long it is since somebody messaged? To be watching their online activity and ascribing meaning to it? This sounds like so much hard work.

After one date?

I've clearly been out of the dating game too long.

Yes, I agree. I date but I certainly wouldn't reply or expect a reply in a few hours. Aren't people busy doing things? Surely people aren't replying during the workday? During the workday I'm either working, eating or relaxing by reading.

I do agree that if it's been a few days then that's too long and he's probably not interested. I wouldn't text again and definitely don't ask him if everything is okay. He's fine. He'll either reply in the next day or so or he won't. It's so frustrating because 6 hours sounds like an incredible date but not everyone is looking for a genuine connection. It could be something as stupid as he didn't like your shoes ....

Having said all this, I'm very frustrated with my friends who won't reply for days or weeks. It's very hurtful to propose something and be ignored for weeks.

Subwaystop · 07/10/2025 06:42

Is it always true that if a man is interested he pursues? I hear it on here a lot but hadn’t heard this view outside of mumsnet.

Gymbunny2025 · 07/10/2025 07:22

emilysquest · 06/10/2025 14:02

He doesn't want to "meet up for a walk" believe me. For him the 6 hours was an investment that didn't pay off and he doesn't intend to invest any more in that particular plan.

This 💯. He wanted sex. He’s moved on/given up on you

MrsDoubtfire1 · 07/10/2025 07:23

Poor bloke! He has probably picked up on your desperate vibe. If you read through your comments, you just can't let go. Also, your approach does not bode well for the future of this non relationship. If he has any sense, he will head for the hills!

LBFseBrom · 07/10/2025 07:31

Gymbunny2025 · 07/10/2025 07:22

This 💯. He wanted sex. He’s moved on/given up on you

Show quote history

If he had particularly wanted sex with the op, would he not have made that clear at the end of Friday evening?

Iceandfire92 · 07/10/2025 07:33

TotalEclipse23 · 07/10/2025 06:22

@Boomska you’ve been quiet. Is everything okay?

She won't be coming back as she texted him again. She may have even triple-texted. She is probably cringing after more deafening silence and has realised that everyone on this post was right. Allowing an actual stranger who is just going about his life to be such a prominent placeholder in your life is never going to end well. It makes you appear as though you are just sat at home waiting for him and that you are bereft of hobbies, responsibilities and friends. I can guarantee if a woman posted on here freaked out after receiving the same messages you have sent this man, they would categorically told to run for the hills. The last thing you want is for him to be calling you Baby Reindeer or similar with his mates. Delete his number (don't block as that makes you look angry and like you care too much) and move on.

Gymbunny2025 · 07/10/2025 07:46

LBFseBrom · 07/10/2025 07:31

If he had particularly wanted sex with the op, would he not have made that clear at the end of Friday evening?

Show quote history

Presumably he imagined he was such a good snogger she would be dragging him home with her 😂

Piggypiggy89 · 07/10/2025 07:55

I think questioning him about "going quiet" after 1 day is going to send him a red flag. It sounds needy and demanding which is a complete turn off.

I do remember if a guy ever did this kind of thing to me - it was an immediate turn off, because it assumed a greater level of intimacy and connection than had been established.

There was a guy I went on a date with who similarly, we had a long date - from maybe 11.30 in the morning on a Saturday til 11.30 at night. No big songs, but lots of talking.

I realized two things within 24 hrs. Firstly he'd not revealed his last name and secondly he had mentioned going on a date with a woman who was clearly desperate for a relationship and how he could have just "slept with her" and ghosted her. He then said "but I didn't of course!"

Which made me realize that is exactly what he'd done.

I ghosted him.

Thebigonesgetaway · 07/10/2025 07:59

Gymbunny2025 · 07/10/2025 07:46

Presumably he imagined he was such a good snogger she would be dragging him home with her 😂

Show quote history

Huh? So clearly he wasn’t just after sex then, in fact it feels quite obvious he didn’t even try that,

Gymbunny2025 · 07/10/2025 08:03

Thebigonesgetaway · 07/10/2025 07:59

Huh? So clearly he wasn’t just after sex then, in fact it feels quite obvious he didn’t even try that,

Show quote history

Well OP hasn’t come back. But I’d be verrrry suspicious of a guy investing 6 hours of his time for a date and then suddenly having 0 mins of his time to invest subsequently.

Singleoldermum · 07/10/2025 08:07

This is a person you've met once. A stranger. Even if the date went well, it was a single meeting. You are not in a relationship and he doesn't owe you any explanations. You've been out, had a nice time and he's not been in touch afterwards for whatever reason, it really doesn't matter the reason. If he wanted to be in touch, he would be. He's not.

Move on and in future don't get so invested after a single meeting. It sounds exhausting.

Suszieq · 07/10/2025 08:07

Hi @Boomska

Hes no longer interested, that’s why he hasn’t reached back out. I’m sorry I know it’s disappointing.

A huge no no is super short dates and super long dates too. Ofc some people have had success with them but generally it’s an indicator that things will dwindle from there.

i repeat, no more 6 hour dates. Keep it 2 hours MAX. It also avoids feelings of fake “intimacy”. You think you know someone because you were with them for 6 hours but you don’t. Pace yourself.

Also no more texting, the reality is that you want to text him because…he’s not texting you.

Throw this one back, when a guy likes you, you would never feel like this

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/10/2025 08:10

The sad part about online dating, is greed, even if you were the perfect date, the person is thinking about the next swipe, not giving the relationship any time to grow.
Any dislike is a thumb down. Next.

Thebigonesgetaway · 07/10/2025 08:11

Singleoldermum · 07/10/2025 08:07

This is a person you've met once. A stranger. Even if the date went well, it was a single meeting. You are not in a relationship and he doesn't owe you any explanations. You've been out, had a nice time and he's not been in touch afterwards for whatever reason, it really doesn't matter the reason. If he wanted to be in touch, he would be. He's not.

Move on and in future don't get so invested after a single meeting. It sounds exhausting.

To be fair, he was in touch, he spoke to her sat morning, texted during rhe day, and then just stopped, I think it all became a bit much to be honest, it would for most people.

and agree with the pp, I don’t think the op is coming back, she sent him that third text, he’s ignored her again, and she’s upset/embarassed she ruined it but effectively hassling him.

OneFlewOverMy · 07/10/2025 08:15

Next !

CurtsyFriends · 07/10/2025 08:18

I would move on, OP. I can’t be doing with people who play games or don’t respond to messages for days on end. I had a couple of guys do that to me before I met DP. He never did anything like that, communicated well (not constant as we both have busy jobs, but he would check in with me, ask me how my day had been etc) and I didn’t feel any of this fear that he might never reply.

It was all natural and easy. Throw his one back and find a decent one.

tarnishedglitterball · 07/10/2025 08:24

Are you mental ? You have probably scared him to death

TwistedWonder · 07/10/2025 08:29

Thebigonesgetaway · 07/10/2025 08:11

To be fair, he was in touch, he spoke to her sat morning, texted during rhe day, and then just stopped, I think it all became a bit much to be honest, it would for most people.

and agree with the pp, I don’t think the op is coming back, she sent him that third text, he’s ignored her again, and she’s upset/embarassed she ruined it but effectively hassling him.

Show quote history

I think when she said ‘I’m going to send him this text’ she’d already done it and he’s blanked her again.

WatchingTheDetective · 07/10/2025 08:29

Keep your dignity and don't send that message.

Singleoldermum · 07/10/2025 08:55

Thebigonesgetaway · 07/10/2025 08:11

To be fair, he was in touch, he spoke to her sat morning, texted during rhe day, and then just stopped, I think it all became a bit much to be honest, it would for most people.

and agree with the pp, I don’t think the op is coming back, she sent him that third text, he’s ignored her again, and she’s upset/embarassed she ruined it but effectively hassling him.

Show quote history

Yes he texted the next day and then just stopped for whatever reason. She knows he's been online because she's been checking, so we can be fairly sure he's not stuck in a ditch somewhere.

If he's not texted back after a single date he doesn't owe any explanations. It's just one date.

In the days pre-mobiles and dating apps you'd meet someone, give them your number and arrange a time for them to phone you. You'd then get all anxious when another family member was using the phone at the designated time for them to phone. If they didn't get in touch again you didn't give it more than a passing thought (and perhaps a cringe when you next ran into them at the pub).

She's texted three times. He's not replied. It's not difficult and he's got really done anything wrong. If he wanted to reply he would have done. He's either busy or no longer interested. Either way, move on and don't give it another thought.

BlueandPinkSwan · 07/10/2025 09:09

Boomska · 06/10/2025 07:46

Thanks everyone for their input about this one. He definitely said he was a poor communicator on the date and that he was getting better, so maybe that should’ve been my first 🚩

something about this whole situation feels off, but it’s hard to know with online dating. I’ve had guys blame their mental health for going quiet…

he definitely could’ve been on another date and he’s right to do so, but that’s why I didn’t message for the rest of the Saturday night & waited until Sunday to send a prompt.

I think I’m going to send another message today (fuck what he thinks!) that basically says this: “Hey, I know you’ve said communication isn’t your strong suit, but I have to be honest; going quiet like this comes across as rude and hurtful. I’d much rather you be upfront and you’re no longer interested than just disappear”

i’ll keep you all updated xx

Don't bother sending that, he's not interested enough to contact you.
As others have said, move on with your life, if he texts at some point then deal with it then but in the mean time take a break if you feel this way. You will end up hanging on to the first thing that drifts passed you rather than meeting someone decent.

RMAC67 · 07/10/2025 09:18

OP, kindly, he’s not interested if he’s not texting you after the date. Went through this many times myself, until I met my husband. When somebody actually likes you, you don’t doubt it.
Save your dignity and do not message him again. He doesn’t care if you feel hurt, in fact he might like to hear it. Block & delete if he’s causing you a headache after one date.

DonnyBurrito · 07/10/2025 09:23

"You've gone quiet" 🤢. He may have been mulling things over a bit and deciding how he felt whilst he got on with his life, then you've chased him... Oh dear.

Then you've told him off... 👀

LOL

There are some decent women's relationship coaches on Instagram. I suggest you follow them ALL, OP.

Delatron · 07/10/2025 10:43

Gymbunny2025 · 07/10/2025 08:03

Well OP hasn’t come back. But I’d be verrrry suspicious of a guy investing 6 hours of his time for a date and then suddenly having 0 mins of his time to invest subsequently.

Show quote history

He was probably going to arrange another date but the ‘you’ve gone quiet, are you ok?’ After one day - probably put him off.

It may have been 20 years ago but I remember when I met DP. I don’t think I texted him at all barely. He did message me the day after the date wanting to meet that night. I said no. No chasing. Said I’d see him when I next had time. Men hate being chased and questioned.

Focus on your life. Let them come to you and make the effort. It doesn’t matter if a few days or even a week goes by with no contact. I hate this constant texting malarkey.