Amazing first date, heard from the next day but is now ignoring me.

[Boomska]

Hello!
im looking for advice.

I went on amazing first date that lasted 6 hours! We even had a hot kiss at the end and we both were sober as we were driving. We even spoke about going on a second date!

the first date happened on Friday night, we then spoke Saturday morning and afternoon where the convo flowed naturally. However, I haven’t heard from him since his last message on Saturday night which he sent at 6:45pm. I replied to it an hour later.

but then I’ve not heard from him. I’ve sent him another message Sunday mid afternoon just being like “hey noticed you’ve been quiet- I hope everything’s ok?” As he normally texts quite promptly. And still nothing. I know he’s been on his phone so definitely feel like he may be ghosting? 😭 I just hope he isnt ghosting me.

I’m just wondering when should I cut the chord and accept he’s ghosting or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 72hrs?

thanks for reading xx

I would never be texting someone all the time after a date, or get into prolonged conversation before that. A quick chat on the Saturday morning, fine, then I'd be busy enjoying my weekend and then I'd be at work.

Later in the week I'd perhaps then be in touch to organise another date if I hadn't heard from them. Keeping on at them just makes you look needy and that you have nothing else going on in your life. Particularly after only one date!

I'd also be irritated by someone who expected instant replies or for me to be constantly on my phone. Sorry, I have a life.

Well he probably has amazing first dates every weekend.

If you know a date went well, you had positive communications since and it has only been a day since the person last spoke to you. A person you have just met. It shows attachment issues for you to be worrying that he must have completely changed his mind about the whole thing and he must have abandoned you.

That's the kind of attachment issues that people want to avoid in a partner because it often the cause of things like possessiveness, jealousy and other toxic behaviour.

Chop your fingers off. DO.NOT.TEXT

No one wants a chaser

He’s married or has a girlfriend, I reckon.

Don't make anymore effort. If he's not got back to you. He's ghosted you. Move on.

Chasing men doesn’t work.
also a 6 hour first date is too long.

If this guy wanted to pursue things with you he would have texted before now, no mucking about. At worst he’s ghosting you, at best he’s still keeping his options open. I’d close those options down.

Don’t send any more messages if he doesn’t contact you first.

To be honest, this is my exact feeling as well. I've binned a guy off for doing exactly this before. He'd sent a closed off message and I knew he had plans for his weekend and was busy so I left it at that. The next day I received a "you've gone quiet" message which immediately pissed me off - if you want to message me then message me and make conversation rather than demanding my attention. If I got the follow up message op is intending to send I'd just block and delete. I also wouldn't do two dates on one weekend that's intense.

Op I think you control how much energy this takes up in your head and right now you're giving it too much. You've had one date. You just need to let it go now and if he does come back to you THEN you assess it on how long that took or what he's said.

Don’t message him again - two ignored messages say it all.

But you are bombarding him sending that. He’s just not that into you a you are making yourself look desperate sending that.

hold on to your dignity and match his energy. Ignore, forget and move on

oh op dont message him again

behaviour is a form of communication

he went on a single date with you its mildly rude but he really on the big picture owes you nothing

you need to really lower your expectations from first dates - I know its painful when it seems it went well but - you dont know someone well at that point so dont put your trust in them

You will find the man you are looking for - and it wont be confusing or stressful when you do.

Maybe he went on a date with someone else and tries to decide?! I went on dates with other guys for a week or two till I decided to date exclusively one of them (my now husband). I kept all my options open cause I didnt know what the guys wanted/thinking. So maybe he is doing the same! Don’t chase again though. Wait & see. Sucks when people ghosting!

Wow you are intense!!

I think if I’d gone on a 6 hour date then some texts on Sat, I’d want a rest, decompress on Sat/Sunday.

if someone kept texting me and expected immediate replies I’d think 1. They have no other life interests, 2, they are needy / desperate 3. Immature

I come from a generation where things happen naturally not because one person demands attention. He has already said his comms are not great. He could mean anything by that but he was getting a message across. He could be already married or in relationship, he could have gone out on a date, or he could be up to his eyeballs on a work project or other friend commitments that kept him busy. Or he zoned out maybe mental health, sleep needs. Who knows. But you need him to take ownership. If he wants to speak to you again then it’s in his camp now. Just leave it. Chill out and carry on with life. Think about you are what you enjoy doing.

But also, whilst what he did isn’t polite, it’s not exactly ghosting. I would reserve the word ‘ghosting’ for when you’re in an established relationship, and they disappear. It was just one date, which he has decided from he’s not interested, for whatever reason. Yes, he should have sent a no thanks text, but I wouldn’t call this ghosting. Some aresholes are in years long relationships and disappear!

As someone else said, it’s only been one date, he doesn’t need to message you every day does he? I’m shocked at everyone’s reactions, saying block, delete etc… it was a lovely first date, you talked of another, relax!

Chill out, OP! Sounds like the whole thing was quite intense. Don't make yourself look like a wet lettuce with nothing else to do but text him. I know you had a great time, but you don't know him and shouldn't be this focused on him after one date. Go and do - and think about - something else. Take it from an older woman, they're not worth all this so soon.

I think the first date/day was maybe too intense and you've got too quickly invested. You'll look like a bunny boiler if you message again. Best thing is just to move on and accept that dating these days is shite and you should keep it very light in the early stages.

This. It’s not worth it.

Send the text. You’ll see if he blocked you after you sent the weird text yesterday and if he hasn’t he’ll likely do that now.
You sound obsessive which is incredibly offputting.

This! My husband took 9 days to get back to me after our first date as he was so nervous about getting involved after the breakdown of his first marriage. Funnily enough, after a week I planned in my head that he had 2 more days and that would be it!
It was pre-texting days so I know that makes a difference. Aso he had the emotional honesty to tell me why he delayed when he did get in touch.
After a first date I would not be texting for several days at least, other than maybe 'lovely to meet you, catch up soon'. Don't people have jobs to go to, friends to see, life admin etc? I think anything between 3-7 days interval is fine. I wouldn't want to be constantly in touch with someone I'm only just getting to know. Lucky my marriage is fine as think I'd flounder in the OLD world!

If a man wants you, he’ll tell you.

It’s nonsense the advice ignore them for a few days to keep them keen.

A man who is interested will pursue you with gusto once you’ve shown reciprocation.

Cut this one off, move on, date again.

Its not about keeping anyone keen, it's about having a normal life with other existing commitments and priorities.

With how often people are on their phones these days I am doubtful of this. Takes a minute to say “had a great time, be in touch in a few days”.

The fact he’s so ill mannered makes me think he’s not that into her.

He’s dipping his hands in the sweetie tubs - men tend to treat OLD as if they were kids ij a very big sweet shop.

You’ve dodged a bullet. Move on. Your time and energy is a precious resource. I only wish I’d realise d that 25 years ago