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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Amazing first date, heard from the next day but is now ignoring me.

398 replies

Boomska · 06/10/2025 01:51

Hello!
im looking for advice.

I went on amazing first date that lasted 6 hours! We even had a hot kiss at the end and we both were sober as we were driving. We even spoke about going on a second date!

the first date happened on Friday night, we then spoke Saturday morning and afternoon where the convo flowed naturally. However, I haven’t heard from him since his last message on Saturday night which he sent at 6:45pm. I replied to it an hour later.

but then I’ve not heard from him. I’ve sent him another message Sunday mid afternoon just being like “hey noticed you’ve been quiet- I hope everything’s ok?” As he normally texts quite promptly. And still nothing. I know he’s been on his phone so definitely feel like he may be ghosting? 😭 I just hope he isnt ghosting me.

I’m just wondering when should I cut the chord and accept he’s ghosting or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 72hrs?

thanks for reading xx

OP posts:
Thebigonesgetaway · 06/10/2025 20:26

jubs15 · 06/10/2025 19:49

Why on earth is saying that I move on from anyone who can't be bothered to reply needy? It is the complete opposite of needy. I don't understand your comment, especially when multiple people have since said much the same thing that I did.

Edited
Show quote history

I don’t want to answer for the poster, but it says you need people to reply to you very quickly, even after one date, when you spoke the next day and then had multiple texts like the op, you then give them 24 hours or you block, so they have to constantly respond to you, like the op, no matter how much you hassle them, which let’s face it is what she was doing. That’s needy. You need that contact.

Puregoldy · 06/10/2025 20:28

If he was interested he would make the effort. I met my dp on an app and he admitted he doesn’t like constant messaging. We had the odd day without contact and sometimes I’d wonder where he had gone at first! But I didn’t stress over it I just met him where he was at. At first it was odd. But he wasn’t wanting too much from me which I liked. But a year and a half in and he got better and it’s all good. Throw him back if his style doesn’t suit you. I wouldn’t send another message.

Squigglydums · 06/10/2025 20:33

Jasnah · 06/10/2025 05:05

If a man wants you, there will be no doubt. There will be no second-guessing, waiting games or mind games. He will make time for you. Everyone can write a quick text to touch base, and if they don't, they don't care enough to do so.

Literally this. Let him go - unless there was a really serious issue then it’s not worth it. He is setting the scene for what the future will look like and you will be in for a rollercoaster.

Illegally18 · 06/10/2025 20:37

taxguru · 06/10/2025 19:34

Funnily enough, you can still use your hand/fingers to send a text even if you've got a cold - unless it's so bad he's been admitted to ICU!!!!!

Show quote history

True, but since it's only been 24 hours since he saw her last, why the rush?

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 06/10/2025 20:39

ThisBrickOtter · 06/10/2025 19:37

Ah this sounds like a pattern. The 'poor communicator' is he premade excuse. A guy I was interested in said he was not not a fan of tech, another version of being primed to expect bad communication.

I gave the guy I had the experience with 28 hours and then sent him a message along the lines of "I thought there was something between us worth exploring, clearly not so I'm closing the door in this. I wish you future joy". He texted back within minutes of that one with the bad at tech excuse. He could reply fast enough when the control shifted basically, and his ego was hurt.

Met this one in the wild, had great convos before we fixed to meet outside our shared interest. My view now is he liked the chase, but not the reality. He's been a bit fucking weird since as well, but hey, not my problem. I'm left knowing I dodged a bullet in my case as I've seen his behaviour after!

So yeah, if they don't respect your time, bin them off. If you're over 40, be extra aware of your peace and wellbeing. The apps are actually quite dangerous for women 40+ compared to women in their 20s (yes, there's academic research that backs this up). Just this type of mithering shite means I just can't be arsed trying tbh.

Show quote history

Would you give more info on why the apps are dangerous for women over 40?

Mehmeh22 · 06/10/2025 20:39

Boomska · 06/10/2025 07:50

I totally get what you both mean but I think with online dating (or however you’ve met them!) you pick up on someone’s communication and see if it mirrors yours. I never said he had to be in constant communication, but the amount we were messaging was suitable for my preference. As for some people prefer more and some people prefer less 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ communication is a big thing for me because it shows how they included you in their life & whether they are thinking about your feelings, even after one date.

Show quote history

If you're communication levels dont match then sorry, this will not work. Just leave him alone.

He may message you if you send what you had planned but all you're doing is putting a sticking plaster over a huge crack.

I don't see this ending well at all.

ArtesianWater · 06/10/2025 20:43

ShowOfHands · 06/10/2025 07:43

This thread has really surprised me. Are we really supposed to be in constant contact? With a person we've been on one date with?

Surely it isn't healthy to count in hours how long it is since somebody messaged? To be watching their online activity and ascribing meaning to it? This sounds like so much hard work.

After one date?

I've clearly been out of the dating game too long.

I thought the same. No idea if the man in question is interested in the OP but there's no way I could date someone who got so anxious after a delayed reply to a text. I hate feeling like I have to be in constant contact with people and often leave it a while to respond to people I like. Sometimes I just forget!

Oxforddictionary12 · 06/10/2025 20:50

Agree with the majority of posters on this one. If they leave you in any doubt it's no. I don't know/I've been busy/I'm not sure all mean no. Silence means no. The right guy will be as eager as you to keep in contact and arrange another date.

It's a shame but move on. Your feelings are completely valid but I wouldn't waste your time on another text. Onto the next!

Doodleflips · 06/10/2025 20:52

If you’re on Facebook, follow the Burned Haystack Dating Method.

This one is affecting your peace, don’t let him. Move on.

Starseeking · 06/10/2025 20:53

Yes, this happened to me.

When he came back bright and breezy a month or so later, I moved him unread to my archive folder and left him there, still unread however many months later. So much more satisfying than blocking lol

ChilledBeez · 06/10/2025 21:13

Jasnah · 06/10/2025 05:05

If a man wants you, there will be no doubt. There will be no second-guessing, waiting games or mind games. He will make time for you. Everyone can write a quick text to touch base, and if they don't, they don't care enough to do so.

Like my Mother used to say when I asked her a similar questions about a date "Where there's a Will There's A Way" If they are into you nothing can stop them getting in touch.

TypeyMcTypeface · 06/10/2025 21:14

If you have to ask on Mumsnet if he's interested, he's not interested.

EarthSight · 06/10/2025 21:17

Jasnah · 06/10/2025 05:05

If a man wants you, there will be no doubt. There will be no second-guessing, waiting games or mind games. He will make time for you. Everyone can write a quick text to touch base, and if they don't, they don't care enough to do so.

This.

ElleintheWoods · 06/10/2025 21:34

Firstly, come over to the dating thread.

Secondly, what do you want with this man? If you actually want him, messaging him now commenting about his absent messages isn't going to help you reach that outcome. You've been on one date and you're already showing your insecure side, sending the kind of texts that aren't nice to be on the receiving end of, and giving him all the power.

If you don't want him, why do you care whether he texts or not? Don't text him and he will text you back.

Sometimes people like to take breathing space after a great date. Sometimes guys don't want to seem overly keen and give the woman all the power, which she already has anyway. Remember the old 'don't call her until the third day' advice for example? I imagine you're not here to play games, but most people aren't super earnest.

mrlistersgelfbride · 06/10/2025 21:38

I’m glad I read ‘the rules’ and ‘he’s just not that into you’ when I was in my early 20s .

You know this one.
It's frustrating as it’s so old fashioned , but it’s true.
When men are interested they call and message.
If they don’t, they aren’t interested.
It’s been one date please relax.
Take it for what it is , you had a nice evening.
I would delete his number so I’m not tempted to text, please don’t send that second text.
In my experience you won’t need to play these games when it is right x

Ebee19 · 06/10/2025 21:44

Girl. Gosh, ok I am going to put it out there that a lot of people have been in your shoes and a lot of people will send the texts and will then be absolutely cringing when they look back at what they did. Because it feels pretty horrible, but so does a text saying he wasn't feeling it when you obviously were.

So, how I read this was guy plans a date on friday - he has a nice date. He texts you on saturday. Then guy has either a date planned on saturday night or he has a lads night out. If a date, quite simply he preferred that girl or maybe went back with her etc etc. If lads night, now either - he is a nice normal lad who doesn't text people when he is out with his friends. He had a good night, got into bed and had a lie in. Then rushed to the gym or the supermarket on sunday. He hasn't looked at his phone much etc. Or he met a nice girl on his lads night and he was with her till sunday morning then got on with his weekend.

Now, either or, you sending a follow up text. Well if that had been say tuesday or wednesday, it probably would have been fine. But maybe just a "Hey, not sure if I misread the signals, but just wanted to check everything is okay as you kind of dropped off there? If you aren't interested in a second date, that is totally fine, but would just rather if you could let me know and wanted to check you weren't in some horrific car wreck or something..." But like many days later. But sending a text following up the next day, while I totally get the temptation to do so, that is just a bit too keen in many men's heads. It's that situation where you need to your friend to have locked your phone away for you.

So I totally get it, but I wouldn't send that last text and I wouldn't expect a genuine reply. If you get a reply by Tuesday, then I wouldn't worry about pursuing, he was just living his life. But you need to adjust your expectation re texts. If you do get a reply in three months you have your answer that basically he met someone he liked more and has been dating her for that time between. We have all been there, but you need to step away from the phone :)

Ebee19 · 06/10/2025 21:47

Starseeking · 06/10/2025 20:53

Yes, this happened to me.

When he came back bright and breezy a month or so later, I moved him unread to my archive folder and left him there, still unread however many months later. So much more satisfying than blocking lol

I had it a year later to the day, when ghosted after six dates. He texted asking if I was still single. I sent back a selfie with my boyfriend and said "Our first year anniversary next month". Felt pretty satisfying too.

Lilybo7 · 06/10/2025 21:47

Please come back and update us!
If you still haven’t heard from him then delete his number and all your message threads so you have no way of contacting him even if drunk! I know it’s hard after such a good first date but I promise you will be fine. As others have said, read The Rules or He’s just not that into you (or watch the film).

JohnTheRevelator · 06/10/2025 22:06

I really wouldn't bother sending another text. Men can sense desperation a mile off.

Daygloboo · 06/10/2025 22:08

BadgernTheGarden · 06/10/2025 07:49

It was one date, you're not joined at the hip (yet). He may have other obligations or friends he sees regularly, you hardly know him, he will be in touch if he's interested if not it was one nice date.

I used to date, admittedly.years ago before technology.. I'd go out with.someone and we'd make a vague arrangement to meet again a few days later etc etc, phone up and then maybe firm up the date. Thays the waynitvused to be. Sadly I think that all the forms uf immediate communication these days has introduced a whole.level of anxiety into dating that simply didn't exist years ago. It's a shame..Inknow its nobody's fault but it really complicates things.
.

Invinoveritaz · 06/10/2025 22:09

Do yourself a favour and watch ‘He’s not that into you’.
Let it go and move on You messaging him will not achieve anything positive.

JohnTheRevelator · 06/10/2025 22:10

Doodleflips · 06/10/2025 20:52

If you’re on Facebook, follow the Burned Haystack Dating Method.

This one is affecting your peace, don’t let him. Move on.

Agree with this. The author gives some excellent advice.

Illegally18 · 06/10/2025 22:12

Ebee19 · 06/10/2025 21:44

Girl. Gosh, ok I am going to put it out there that a lot of people have been in your shoes and a lot of people will send the texts and will then be absolutely cringing when they look back at what they did. Because it feels pretty horrible, but so does a text saying he wasn't feeling it when you obviously were.

So, how I read this was guy plans a date on friday - he has a nice date. He texts you on saturday. Then guy has either a date planned on saturday night or he has a lads night out. If a date, quite simply he preferred that girl or maybe went back with her etc etc. If lads night, now either - he is a nice normal lad who doesn't text people when he is out with his friends. He had a good night, got into bed and had a lie in. Then rushed to the gym or the supermarket on sunday. He hasn't looked at his phone much etc. Or he met a nice girl on his lads night and he was with her till sunday morning then got on with his weekend.

Now, either or, you sending a follow up text. Well if that had been say tuesday or wednesday, it probably would have been fine. But maybe just a "Hey, not sure if I misread the signals, but just wanted to check everything is okay as you kind of dropped off there? If you aren't interested in a second date, that is totally fine, but would just rather if you could let me know and wanted to check you weren't in some horrific car wreck or something..." But like many days later. But sending a text following up the next day, while I totally get the temptation to do so, that is just a bit too keen in many men's heads. It's that situation where you need to your friend to have locked your phone away for you.

So I totally get it, but I wouldn't send that last text and I wouldn't expect a genuine reply. If you get a reply by Tuesday, then I wouldn't worry about pursuing, he was just living his life. But you need to adjust your expectation re texts. If you do get a reply in three months you have your answer that basically he met someone he liked more and has been dating her for that time between. We have all been there, but you need to step away from the phone :)

Or maybe he had a cold or went to lunch with his mum or it was his nephew's birthday, or went to his gym or needed to take a breather. or may be he's got the runs..but the OP needs to relax with the text expectations, that'.s for sure

daisychain01 · 06/10/2025 22:22

What the fuck is a hot kiss!

actually it really doesn't matter what it is, the name is just cringgggggge

miss79guided · 06/10/2025 22:23

Glad you had a great time - hopin to progress things
> Unfortunately it IS a 1 way street - the guy is NOT interested in pursuin further
Move ON - maybe WITH somebody in HIS office ? You WILL work somethin out