Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Amazing first date, heard from the next day but is now ignoring me.

398 replies

Boomska · 06/10/2025 01:51

Hello!
im looking for advice.

I went on amazing first date that lasted 6 hours! We even had a hot kiss at the end and we both were sober as we were driving. We even spoke about going on a second date!

the first date happened on Friday night, we then spoke Saturday morning and afternoon where the convo flowed naturally. However, I haven’t heard from him since his last message on Saturday night which he sent at 6:45pm. I replied to it an hour later.

but then I’ve not heard from him. I’ve sent him another message Sunday mid afternoon just being like “hey noticed you’ve been quiet- I hope everything’s ok?” As he normally texts quite promptly. And still nothing. I know he’s been on his phone so definitely feel like he may be ghosting? 😭 I just hope he isnt ghosting me.

I’m just wondering when should I cut the chord and accept he’s ghosting or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 72hrs?

thanks for reading xx

OP posts:
Suusue · 06/10/2025 22:25

Please forget about him. If he were still interested nothing would stop him contacting you. From what iv heard a lot of them do this so delete his number.

Sarover · 06/10/2025 22:27

Jasnah · 06/10/2025 05:05

If a man wants you, there will be no doubt. There will be no second-guessing, waiting games or mind games. He will make time for you. Everyone can write a quick text to touch base, and if they don't, they don't care enough to do so.

This 100 percent. This is the answer to almost all the ‘dilemmas’ about dating on here.

Ebee19 · 06/10/2025 22:30

Illegally18 · 06/10/2025 22:12

Or maybe he had a cold or went to lunch with his mum or it was his nephew's birthday, or went to his gym or needed to take a breather. or may be he's got the runs..but the OP needs to relax with the text expectations, that'.s for sure

Show quote history

Yep, I was going to say family night or watching strictly or a movie, or just turns his phone off for sundays - my brother does that. But yep, she does. But she wouldn't be the first girl to be struggling :)

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 06/10/2025 22:34

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 06/10/2025 14:49

Agreed.

Even if he messages you...
Do not go on another date.

I have been on about 6 or 7 of these dates... it never ends well ultimately.

I remember my dh who i met via OLD saying something after we'd been married a while it was approx
'when I saw your profile picture I remember thinking "I would be so lucky id she agreed to a date and if she does i better not fuck it up" '

Our first date was actually pretty impromptu - and he went to TM lewin in london bridge station and bought a new shirt as he didnt have a clean ironed one 😅
After that he messaged and set dates consistently and I never had that "why hasn't he texted" nervous sick feeling.
It was just enjoyable and easy - THAT is what you are looking for. Not this.

Show quote history

It sounds like you're very lucky to have found each other.
Shows there are still some genuine ones out there..

Gives me a bit of hope. X

Illegally18 · 06/10/2025 22:34

Ebee19 · 06/10/2025 22:30

Yep, I was going to say family night or watching strictly or a movie, or just turns his phone off for sundays - my brother does that. But yep, she does. But she wouldn't be the first girl to be struggling :)

Show quote history

True... . But gosh she needs to relax.

Sportsdaywinner · 06/10/2025 22:37

I mean this in a kind way but you do sound a bit intense. The follow up text after he'd failed to reply to your previous one was a bit too over the top in my opinion. I'd have just left it to be honest, as hard as it can be! I understand it's very tempting at times to want to message but try and distract yourself. Don't send him anymore texts. If he doesn't get in touch then he isn't right for you.

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 06/10/2025 22:38

It sounds like you're very lucky to have found each other.
Shows there are still some genuine ones out there..

Gives me a bit of hope.
X

Cherryicecreamx · 06/10/2025 22:51

I've got to be honest, if someone I had been on one date with messaged me that ("you've been quiet - everything ok") it would really put me off. It comes across as passive and needy. Let him come to you.

Phobiaphobic · 06/10/2025 22:53

Jasnah · 06/10/2025 05:05

If a man wants you, there will be no doubt. There will be no second-guessing, waiting games or mind games. He will make time for you. Everyone can write a quick text to touch base, and if they don't, they don't care enough to do so.

Yup. Sorry, OP, he's just not that into you. Value yourself highly, and hold out for the one who is.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 06/10/2025 22:54

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 06/10/2025 22:34

It sounds like you're very lucky to have found each other.
Shows there are still some genuine ones out there..

Gives me a bit of hope. X

Show quote history

For me the key was not just the panic buying of shirts.... it was that "It was just enjoyable and easy"

Romcoms and Hollywood make you think its all butterfly's and churning stomachs on reality bit thwts BS.... when I met my dh there was never any doubt / questioning/ unsureness... it was just really nice and pleasant (which sounds boring but wasnt)
I had been in so many bad relationships i found it so disconcerting I was suspicious for a while and thought he was too good to be true... 😅

I waded through a sea of horrors to find him though. He also had a ropey time.
We both agree we got the last chopper out of nam in terms of OLD....

Delphiniumandlupins · 06/10/2025 23:03

Let it go. You don't need to block him but please don't message him again.

emilysquest · 06/10/2025 23:14

Saturday girl put out and you didn't. Its as simple as that.

Munkamunka · 06/10/2025 23:25

I hope you’re ok OP. I’ve been in your position more times than I like to remember but as many people have said to you it’s all really about raising your self esteem and your standards. I look back now and think why did I waste my time and my tears on people who really didn’t give a toss about me. Treat texting as a game of tennis; you hit the ball into their court and if it doesn’t come back you leave it there. Go and play on a different court. I know it’s hard when you got your hopes up and are feeling hurt and disappointed but see it as a signpost that he’s not the right person for you. Set your boundaries and have zero tolerance for flaky behaviour. Once you are happy and content in yourself the right people will find you.

ilovesushi · 06/10/2025 23:49

Just leave it now. It's one date. It was great. You've made contact. He's replied. It's his turn to reply now. He might or he might not. I wouldn't read anything much into him not getting back straight away. Different people have different ideas of what's an acceptable time to reply to a message. Personally I'd not be too fussed if he didn't get straight back.

SoInLuv · 06/10/2025 23:54

I hope you haven't messaged him at all, OP. You'll find a better man 🌼

Allthatshines1992 · 06/10/2025 23:55

jubs15 · 06/10/2025 07:31

If someone can't be bothered to reply to me within 24 hours then I block/delete and move on. Unless they're dead, they have no valid excuse not to spare me a few seconds. They know exactly what they're doing and someone like that is not worth my time. Know your worth.

I even do this with friends to be honest. I just delete them as contacts if they ignore a few messages.

Happygolucky314 · 06/10/2025 23:56

Has it even occurred to you that he is a human he can do as he pleases as he isn’t in a romantic relationship with you. He also is entitled to a life without responding on his phone. He also might not just be that into you and you have to accept that and let it be. You seem like the pushy type which will make a man run. You need to calm down and just chill out the more you chase the more he’ll leg it as fast as he can away from you. He isn’t replying for a reason and yes maybe he should have reached out gave any excuse he could have thought of and then disappeared but he hasn’t and that’s in his own right.

6 years ago I met someone. It was a causal relationship where we met up on nights out as a big group ans we always ended up in bed. I absolutely adored him fancied him you know everything however when we text we would text and then we’d be silent for a week… I dropped him a text one day for some reason and he came with “ my name… do you know what I love about you? I said what? He said that you’re not arsed…. He fully meant cause I wasn’t on his case 24/7 needing a response.

i then met someone else who was a dick etc but I walked away from that first “ casual” knowing I’d done myself proud and that I wasn’t desperate that I wasn’t clinging onto every last word even though my insides and my imagination would have settled down with the man because as I got to know him he was so so kind.

my point is, don’t message don’t bombard don’t expect and just relax move on find someone else to date and learn from this experience although… if you message and message him and he then runs even further you may learn it by yourself and know everyone on here was right

Allthatshines1992 · 06/10/2025 23:57

Suusue · 06/10/2025 22:25

Please forget about him. If he were still interested nothing would stop him contacting you. From what iv heard a lot of them do this so delete his number.

Yep. I've had loads of first dates that I thought went well but suddenly they changed their minds and it's because they're dating for entertainment, not seriously. They have their own fulfilled lives and we are nothing to them but a potential orifice. And don't think you're the only one either. Guarantee they have numerous other women they're courting

CrystalShoe · 07/10/2025 00:00

Boomska · 06/10/2025 07:50

I totally get what you both mean but I think with online dating (or however you’ve met them!) you pick up on someone’s communication and see if it mirrors yours. I never said he had to be in constant communication, but the amount we were messaging was suitable for my preference. As for some people prefer more and some people prefer less 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ communication is a big thing for me because it shows how they included you in their life & whether they are thinking about your feelings, even after one date.

Show quote history

You are very wise to want someone who matches your communication style. I married a poor communicator, and it was awful. They never tell you straight up what they're thinking; you have to guess, they play games, and they upset you when they go away on business for a week and don't phone you. I hated the way my exH never phoned me when we were dating but did everything by text. It seems small, but it was the tiniest tip of an iceberg that meant we had completely different approaches to emotional intimacy. That is, he needed much less than me, and he was avoidantly attached, which is hell for relationships. (Look up avoidant attachment.)

If this guy has said he's a poor communicator, he probably won't suit you. I am an excellent communicator, and my poor communicator remains exactly the same today, twenty years after we first met. It's not a trait you can change, IME. It's strongly inbuilt. Now I'm dating someone who has no problem calling me, and texting me every day. It's so much better.

MungoforPresident · 07/10/2025 02:16

Boomska · 06/10/2025 01:51

Hello!
im looking for advice.

I went on amazing first date that lasted 6 hours! We even had a hot kiss at the end and we both were sober as we were driving. We even spoke about going on a second date!

the first date happened on Friday night, we then spoke Saturday morning and afternoon where the convo flowed naturally. However, I haven’t heard from him since his last message on Saturday night which he sent at 6:45pm. I replied to it an hour later.

but then I’ve not heard from him. I’ve sent him another message Sunday mid afternoon just being like “hey noticed you’ve been quiet- I hope everything’s ok?” As he normally texts quite promptly. And still nothing. I know he’s been on his phone so definitely feel like he may be ghosting? 😭 I just hope he isnt ghosting me.

I’m just wondering when should I cut the chord and accept he’s ghosting or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 72hrs?

thanks for reading xx

He has been busy with other date(s). Unfortunately. It is a common pattern. Then in a few weeks when he has no more interest from the other woman or women, he will turn up on your phone saying something inane, like 'how r u' or 'ur sexy.' Or 'where u been?' as if you caused it!

It is tedious behaviour from men when they do this.

JillyGiraffe · 07/10/2025 03:37

Definitely the above! He’s been on other dates so texting someone else now. If that goes cold you may hear from him again. Ignore it/move on. Don’t message again!

Sevenh · 07/10/2025 04:41

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 06/10/2025 07:50

I wouldn’t bother sending that message. Really.

If he’s into you, you will know it.

If you have to wonder then he’s not into you.

Keep your dignity.

I fully agree with this. Maintain a dignified silence and move on.

intherough · 07/10/2025 05:18

Jasnah · 06/10/2025 05:05

If a man wants you, there will be no doubt. There will be no second-guessing, waiting games or mind games. He will make time for you. Everyone can write a quick text to touch base, and if they don't, they don't care enough to do so.

THIS - it’s really this simple

ThePerkyEagle · 07/10/2025 05:28

I don’t think you’re compatible with each other, as hard as that is to read.
Don’t message him again, he would have contacted you by now if he wanted to and you sending that message won’t make him come running to you with open arms. Get back out there, you’ll find someone who is meant for you! They won’t screw you around and they’ll be on the same page of dating as you. 🫶🏼

Swipe left for the next trending thread