My husband lost his job and I’m finally saying it out loud

[Mamalolly]

Sorry if this ends up being long I just need to get it off my chest because I feel like I’m going to explode if I keep it in any longer.

My husband lost his job, and I’m finally admitting it out loud. We’ve got two kids one’s still a baby and I’m not working right now because I’m home with them. I’ve been trying so hard to stay calm and keep things normal for the kids, but inside I’m absolutely terrified.

Every day feels like I’m holding my breath. I can’t stop worrying about how we’re going to manage the rent, the bills, food, nappies, everything. It feels like there’s no breathing room, and every time I try to plan ahead, I just end up spiralling. I’ve been cutting back on everything I can, but it never feels like enough.

My husband’s been applying for jobs nonstop, but he hasn’t had any interviews yet. I can see how much it’s getting to him. He’s trying to stay positive, but I can tell he’s scared too. He keeps saying he feels like he’s letting us down, and it breaks my heart because he’s not he’s doing everything he can. The job market just feels impossible right now.

I feel guilty for not working, even though I know looking after a baby is basically a full-time job on its own. I keep thinking about trying to find something, but childcare is so expensive that it feels like we’d just end up worse off. It’s such a horrible catch-22.

I’m exhausted from trying to stay strong all the time. I smile and act like everything’s fine for the kids, but when they’re asleep, I just fall apart. The fear is unreal.

Still, somewhere deep down, I do believe we’ll get through this. We’ve faced hard times before, and somehow we’ve always found a way. I just wish it didn’t have to feel this heavy in the meantime.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this maybe just to finally say it out loud. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read.

Could you take on some evening work for when the kids are in bed so your partner can look after them . Ask in local places or even shops especially if you’re local to big shops where they could be taking on staff for Xmas ? It might give you a bit of breathing space and you might like the break too .

I think you should be looking for work too. Its not just his burden to provide for you all. You will be doubling your chances of income and feel like a team in fixing your probelm.

Good luck.

Of course you’re worried. It’s only natural. You will get through this.

Are you on maternity leave? How much longer? Could you do a budget and a proper cash flow? What comes in, what goes out and work out how long your savings will last (if you have savings). Have you checked you are claiming all benefits you are entitled
to as a family? Obviously cut out all non essentials but sounds like you have done this already.

Aww, thank you so much for the suggestion . I’d honestly love to work I’ve been applying for quite a few jobs but haven’t had much luck so far, which has been a bit disheartening. Evening work sounds like a really good idea though, especially with the kids in bed and my partner at home. I’ll definitely start asking around locally and see if anywhere’s taking people on for Christmas even a few hours a week would make such a difference. Thanks again for the encouragement, it really means a lot x

Thank you for your comment. I just wanted to clarify that my baby is only a few months old and is exclusively breastfeeding, so I can’t take on full-time work at the moment. I am, however, actively looking for opportunities that I can manage alongside caring for my little one. My partner and I are very much a team he’s supporting us now while I focus on the baby, and I hope to contribute more financially as soon as I can. I appreciate your concern and good wishes.

Can you not get benefits? If you rent surely that would be covered.

Thank you so much for your support and advice ❤️ I really appreciate it. Due to only just starting my job when we found out we were expecting, unfortunately I wasn’t entitled to maternity pay. I’ve been looking carefully at our budget and savings and making sure we’re claiming all the benefits we can, but it’s definitely a bit of a juggling act. Your suggestions are really helpful it’s reassuring to know others understand how stressful this can feel.

My husband lost his job at the beginning of this year and I completely understand the spiralling panic.

I work too, but he is the main breadwinner so it was an awful time.

However, although it seemed like we were ‘doomed’ as a family 6 months ago, he did get a job eventually. An even better one than previous.

I think what I’m trying to say is please try not to spiral, you never know when things might change. Awful to go through though 💐

Yes we have made a claim for benefits but due to our rent being extremely high and it going by my local LHA due to us private renting they cover less than half it's hard I just posted here to try and get it off my chest x

Thank you so much for sharing. Reading your story really hits home. We’ve definitely had our moments of panic and worry, and some days it feels like there’s no end in sight. But hearing that things eventually turned around for you and even got better than before gives me a bit of hope. I’m trying to take it one day at a time and keep my head above water. Your kind words really mean a lot❤️

You might try skipping over to the Martin Lewis MSE site and look for the "debtfree wannabe" board. You'll find a link to a "statement of accounts" which you can fill out and post back there and people will help trim your budget and make some good suggestions for you to help stretch what money you do have.

Meanwhile - check the supermarkets as they always hire before Christmas and you might also qualify to buy stuff at a discount after an initial waiting period. Also look to the foodbanks and community fridges for essentials. Lots of them will have nappies and the rest for the little one.

And don't forget the old line "this too shall pass away". Basically that, good or bad, things don't last forever so don't be too discouraged. Lots of us have been right where you are now and come through it.

Did you claim Maternity Allowance? You can find out if you’re eligible on the gov.uk site.

When my two were little I worked in the evenings so DH could watch the children.
Have you looked at bar work, late shifts at supermarkets ect?

In between jobs my son signed up to deliver amazon parcels, he could choose when and how much / little he did in terms of hours and still does a few when he wants a bit of extra cash.

"My husband’s been applying for jobs nonstop, but he hasn’t had any interviews yet."

If he is just smashing out CVs and applications as fast as possible without much attention, he may not be giving the best account of himself. Of course it is perfectly understandable he wants to get as many irons in the fire as he can, but have you/he/a good friend taken a proper look at his CV and the applications to make sure they are correct, accurate, readable, sensible etc? What sort of roles is he applying for?

(I once sent off an application which had a typo right in the line where I congratulated myself for my excellent proofreading, so I know how easy it is to miss mistakes when you have seen the thing a thousand times.)

You should look for Christmas shifts at one of the supermarkets & do evening shifts. What is your husbands field? Would he consider jobs like the Ocado driver?

Tbh I think a year off or being SAHM is a bit of a luxury. I had to go back when my first was 4 months & just had to accept that & did a strict routine & bottle fed so she would be sleeping through & could go to a childminder.

What type of work were you doing before you had children? I suppose it depends on salary of that job. But surely DH can stay with children while you go out to work during the day?

The obvious answer is he looks after the children and you go back to work.

I think you should both apply for jobs and whichever gets one first accepts it. And the other does childcare until they get a job.

My husband lost his jobs a few months ago, he refused the redeployment offer because it was longer travel and hours and I was on a massive panic spiral. Well done for keeping it together for the kids, I really struggled with that. My husband was stressed and felt a lot of pressure and we found it very rough on our relationship.

Lots of applications, recruitment companies and interviews later he is starting a new job in a few weeks which is better then the previous one. The relief was enormous and it will come if you keep at it.

We worked on applications and interview prep together, AI is helpful but don't use it exclusively, check everything you submit and tailor it to the job. It's a lot of work but it will pay off. Build in some time for other things - my husband cleared loads of unwanted bushes from our garden - was a good way of taking his mind off it and feel more able to tackle it. Good luck

I'm sorry to hear this, Mamalolly. I've been there and it's really scary at first, but it did get better. A friendly heads-up. When you edit a post, you can see your original post underneath.

I'm a single mum op, and I was made redundant last year. It was very stressful (I'm in my 60s) but I found a new role, equally well paid, within 7 weeks.

Has your dh changed his profile to looking for work, on LinkedIn. Put searchable profiles on TotalJobs and Indeed?

Have you checked his cv? Has he put feelers out to all his ex-colleagues?

What county are you in? What sort of job is he looking for?

Apply for benefits asap if you have no savings over the threshold. It doesnt matter that your rent is higher or private renting. You will still recieve something, even council tax releif and job seekers allowance. You have paid into the system for these eventualities. Put your claim in tonight online.

Came here to say this. I hope he's doing this already but he needs (well both of you) to be very strategic about applications. I have multiple variations of my CV, an admin one, a technical IT focussed on and a design focussed one. Each one down plays the non relevant skills and upplays the relevant skills. I also keep every cover letter I have sent and so rather then starting from scratch I can gather any relavent parts but also make it individual to the job spec.

He should get onto linked in, CV library, he should get you to proofread his CVs especially to avoid CV blindness and bad readability.

He should sign up for all the agencies for short term work. Consider contracting work, consulting work, ask his friends and family.

Consider driving jobs, delivery or Uber, weekend work, evening work. Get a job to secure your income then from a more secure position you can move onto his desired job. A gap in the CV won't look good. Much better to fill it with something.

Sorry if this seems patronising, I'm sure you must be doing much of this already...

Another one sending solidarity - we have been in this redundancy boat for almost 18 months now. DH was the significant breadwinner - earning 4x my earnings - we have a big mortgage, 2 children at uni and 2 more at home.....it's really really tough. Luckily, despite having been a SAHM for about 12 years, I have managed to find a 'returnship' in my previous profession and although it's not going to mean we are anything like as financially free as we were, we can at least pay the bills, just.

Try and stay positive, make sure he's 'sweating his network' as everyone has told DH and just keep trying....DH is volunteering, and is doing a very part time minumum wage job (which I am SO proud of him for doing because it's 'humiliating' as he says) but his industry (marketing) is being decimated, and his age group (50s) are deemed too expensive and no longer of value :-(.

I would also echo seeing whether you can find evening or weekend work that is part time so that you can at least have some income - as others have said, if you are able to work in a supermarket over the Christmas period, you may get a staff discount which helps. Good luck to you both and hoping both our DHs are successful soon!

There’s work out there, is he applying to anything and everything? Could he do delivery driving (food or parcels) in the short term? There will be heaps of seasonal jobs coming up in supermarkets etc