DH wants me to sleep with another man

[Greentiger54]

We’ve been married for 4 years now and have been happy together and have children. Recently DH has been talking about threesomes and foursomes and talking a lot about a fantasy of me having sex with another man and coming back, having sex with him and telling him all about it.

DH says it’s a ‘hotwife’ fantasy. He encouraged me to message a man I used to be fwb with, the guy seemed keen at first to meet but has messed me around the last few days, arranging to meet and them coming up with an excuse why he can’t. I keep getting cold feet about the whole thing and DH is now angry that he’s messed me around and is really pissed off. I now feel used and upset.

AIBU to feel like this or is it normal in a relationship?

Do you actually want to be passed around ? Do you not have self respect.
Your dh obviously has no respect for you.
Also always keep in mind kids find things out. Not now but when they get older. Just takes a comment from a relative/friend and secrets slip out.
Is your husband bi ? I would be thinking about what other kinks he has and not told you yet

I would never do anything I didn't want to do just to make someone else's fantasies come true. He's pressuring you to do something you are clearly not fully comfortable with.

Listen to this part of you … it is correct and telling you exactly what you need to do and how you feel.

Why would she be blackmailed?

Plot twist: FWB falls in love head over heels with OP and tries to blackmail her into divorcing her husband or he will be sending a 'video' to her MIL.

I think this response tell you how you really feel about his request and then his behaviour after it fell through.

Be completely honest with him on further reflection it's a hard no and therefore you are both at a crossroad - either he respects that boundaries or you split

Of course! That goes without saying (though we always specify it as a base requirement, alongside practicing safe sex ourselves with any other partner). Not had an issue yet in the decades I’ve been sexually active - no partner, nor either of us have ever tested positive for any STI/STD because we don’t sleep with just anyone. It’s not like we’re going out clubbing until 2am and drunkenly shagging randomers on one night stands. We get to know potential other partners, trust them and have strict rules in place that everyone is expected to abide by. Before I sleep with anyone, I want to see that recent NHS text and expect to show them mine too - good, clean fun 😁

Condoms always. Texts can be easily faked.

Sex without feelings. Oh, dear. Sex is not just for fun, it is pair bonding in preparation for offspring, and producing offspring. It's part of the glue that keeps people together. Atomised lives sound sad.

Yes, that’s what we mean by safe sex (plus, I might have a coil but I’m gloving up to be super sure on the pregnancy front as well). But even with condoms, seeing the text is non-negotiable as well.

Talk for yourself, not for me. I want no offspring 🤣

That's fine. But a marriage built on being sexually open to others - who are, you say, as unattached as you and your DP - is not a mix for ultimate content with oneself. Life is not about getting as much fun out of everything as possible. We have responsibilities to ourselves and others - esp. to do no unnecessary harm. I think open marriages damaging - and I was once married to someone who thought them an excellent idea. This played into his idea of what marriage meant and it was not what I meant - he did not want any responsibility for anyone else or their emotional health. Amazingly, we divorced.

But we get both - sex with feelings with each other, and sex with friends outside of that. It might sound sad to you but genuinely, I always saw sex as something fun to do with my friends, when I was younger. A lot more fun than a round of badminton! Sometimes there are feelings involved, sometimes it’s just hedonistic pleasure with someone you get on with (followed by sex with emotions!).

It’s just different for you, so again, I don’t expect someone who is monogamous to understand that. It sounds sad to you because it would leave you feeling empty. It doesn’t feel sad to me because it leaves me feeling fulfilled. Both states are right for each of us individually and that’s the beauty of being human - we’re all different and like different things. As long as what we do doesn’t harm
anyone else, it’s all good 😊

I definitely prefer the sound of that to badminton.

I would rather have sex with a hot younger man that will produce no offspring than watch "Dancing with the stars".

It’s as real as the rest of this tale.

🙄

Why dont you apply for next series of Open House?

A woman being pressured by her partner into some sort of threesome, never heard of that before! 😂

Not as often as a certain type of poster on mumsnet.

Yeah, if I was you I'd be out of that marriage ASAP.

In the early stages of my relationship with my now ex, he was pressurising me to have a threesome, even went as far as arranging for a complete stranger to come to our house. I got very annoyed and he cancelled it. No OP I don't think this is right.

LTB, OP. At least, be wary. Your husband sounds sick.

Sorry, but this is really f**ed up and disgusting.