DH wants me to sleep with another man

[Greentiger54]

We’ve been married for 4 years now and have been happy together and have children. Recently DH has been talking about threesomes and foursomes and talking a lot about a fantasy of me having sex with another man and coming back, having sex with him and telling him all about it.

DH says it’s a ‘hotwife’ fantasy. He encouraged me to message a man I used to be fwb with, the guy seemed keen at first to meet but has messed me around the last few days, arranging to meet and them coming up with an excuse why he can’t. I keep getting cold feet about the whole thing and DH is now angry that he’s messed me around and is really pissed off. I now feel used and upset.

AIBU to feel like this or is it normal in a relationship?

You don’t have to do anything you would not feel comfortable with.

Whats normal will vary, what’s important is you’re comfortable and actually want to do it.

Your husband wanting you to sleep with another man isn't normal ....

Don’t do it.

What matters is if you want to.

Probably best to keep this as a fantasy! Not sure he’s thought it through

Only do what you want and be aware of the possibility that he will use 'you had sex with another man and I didn't mind' to sleep with other women.

No advice I'm afraid, but ewwwwww

"I keep getting cold feet about the whole thing" - there's your answer right there. You don't fancy the man or the situation.
Have a look through your husband's internet/phone for the porn sites he's visiting. That will probably make your future choices a bit easier.

I mean it's pretty kinky but up to you whether you want to or not

Tell him to fuck off if you don’t want to do it. Does he watch a lot of porn?

Do you want to do this OP?

This sounds like something that’s great in the fantasy world but in reality will destroy your marriage.

We spend every evening together so I don’t think he watches any porn and when he’s not at home he’s at work so he’s deffo not a porn addict

He sounds gross 🤮 is this his way of getting to sleep with another woman?

Do you really want to sleep with another man or do you just want to please your husband?

My husband would be getting a divorce do you really genuinely need to ask if this is normal?

Does he take his phone into the loo with him? And what does he do during his breaks at work?

You can NEVER say a man isn't a porn addict if he spends basically any time alone during the day and has his phone with him.

Two things to consider -

1. Do YOU want to do this?
2. What will the impact on your relationship be?

obviously you can’t be sure about point 2 but you need to talk about it and give it some deep thought. It feels incredibly risky to me (but then again I wouldn’t have got past point 1)

If you’re together and happy, this is only going to destabilise that.
Be careful what you wish for, DH.
And you shouldn’t be doing anything like this that you don’t REALLY want to do yourself, for yourself, NOT for someone else.

Stay safe.

Mmmm only do what you want to do but think of the reasons behind it.

Is he wanting to sleep with someone else and once you have it gives him the green light and who knows where it will end or has he maybe already done so?

How would you feel about him sleeping with someone else and what if it was a regular thing how would you feel then.

It seems strange if he wants this why he doesn’t want to watch surely that is part of the thrill. But then he obviously wouldn’t want you watching or joining in with his flings or whatever so lots of red flags and blurred boundaries. Personally for me it isn’t normal and I wouldn’t be happy and the fact that he was mad you were getting messed around is more red flags.

This.

Once you have done this what will be his next request to fulfill his fantasy. He may well also use this against you if you go through with it that you cheated

Presumably when you took your marriage vows you both were agreeing to a monogamous relationship.

He now wants to change the goal posts.
And he shouldn't be doing that unilaterally. It's a fundamental change in your relationship that needs to be talked through and needs the willing consent of both parties

it sounds as though he is another porn addled man who wants to convert the stuff he has been watching into a real life porn movie with you as the star.

Unless it's what you really want OP then don't be pressured into doing it.

And if he continues to try and coerce you then you will know for certain he doesn't give a damn about you apart from you being his personal sex object.

This will likely destroy your marriage. Only sleep with another man if you don't value your marriage and want to have sex with the other man. In the future your DH will use this against you. Think of your poor kids.