DH wants me to sleep with another man

[Greentiger54]

We’ve been married for 4 years now and have been happy together and have children. Recently DH has been talking about threesomes and foursomes and talking a lot about a fantasy of me having sex with another man and coming back, having sex with him and telling him all about it.

DH says it’s a ‘hotwife’ fantasy. He encouraged me to message a man I used to be fwb with, the guy seemed keen at first to meet but has messed me around the last few days, arranging to meet and them coming up with an excuse why he can’t. I keep getting cold feet about the whole thing and DH is now angry that he’s messed me around and is really pissed off. I now feel used and upset.

AIBU to feel like this or is it normal in a relationship?

Look up cuckhold fantasy (be prepared to be horrified) not on porn sites redit will be gross enough and then take your dc and run from this man asap

I’d never heard of hot wifeing till just now, because I don’t watch porn. Pretty sure my DH hasn’t heard of it either.

It's completely irrelevant if your husband wants you to have sex with another man or not. It's what you WANT that's important and what you're comfortable with. It sounds very much to me, that you're going along with what your husband wants, because you don't want to upset/disappoint him. It's your husband's fantasy, but is it yours??! What if you go along with it, and suddenly he decides he wants to have sex with another woman, so he can come home to you and tell you all about it?! Or he decides he likes the idea of you having sex with a woman??! To do something like this, takes a huge amount of trust and communication. There needs to be solid boundaries, and what is and isn't acceptable. Once you bring another person into a relationship, man or woman, you can't forget it happened, if it doesn't work out. Your ex FWB isn't interested in the arrangement, that's clearly very obvious. So now what? Is your husband going to want you going through the internet trying to find another random man? Or is he going to start suggesting his mates/work colleagues??! If you don't want to do this, then you need to tell your husband very clearly that it won't be happening.

Not normal at all.

He is pressure you to do something you have no interest in.

I would also wonder whether he is trying to justify his attraction to men by suggesting this is only about wanting to see you with someone else. Or he is yet another man who thinks that what he sees in porn is what sex should look like.

Frankly, I think I would just cut my losses and dump that loser.

You surely know in your heart that this is deeply abnormal and absolutely rank of your husband to propose.

He absolutely still could be, you'd be surprised where he might be able to find the time.
Taking his phone in the bathroom, staying up a bit later than you to watch TV..
It definitely sounds like he is consuming a lot with his 'hotwife' talk.
It doesn't really sound like you want to do it.
It also sounds like he needs a hobby.
I don't care what consenting adults do as long as everyone is safe and happy. But I do think sex has a fair bit in common with gambling, gaming, and substances.. it's easy for something you enjoy to take a darker turn. Maybe put the threesomes on hold and have some couples therapy to find out what you both need from the relationship.

Do not do anything you don’t feel comfortable with; this isn’t normal.
He’s been on swinging sites and read sexy stories about this and thinks “everyone” is doing it 🙄

This is common, honestly, but you will get a lot of very judgmental posters who can’t imagine that someone might like something that they don’t. Whether you want to do it and are 100% keen on it is another thing, and you have to have the space to decide it for yourself.
You could consider a role play version where you do the talking part of it without it actually being true.

You do know that you don't have to go along with this just because he wants it? Your only consideration should be whether it's something you want to do. These things are often not as good in reality compared to the fantasy - and can really destabilise a relationship. My advice is to take some time to really think this through.

I wish my DP would want me to sleep with another man.
I'd love to have a threesome with two men personally but that's me.
You shouldn't feel pressured into anything sexual. If you don't feel comfortable with it, don't do it and if he gets arsey tell him to give his head a wobble, you're not a sex toy and if he's still moody then fuck him off

Tell your pig of a husband to watch porn to get his kink serviced. Do not do anything that will place you in danger or make you feel bad about yourself, or wish you hadnt done it.

There is no "Normal" it's what you're comfortable with that is important!

As PP have said, you need to be 100% sure that you want to do this. It sounds from your post that you dont want to, so please don’t mske yourself. If it’s not what you want, you probs will feel like shit afterwards. It runs the risk of your H using it as a ploy to shag as many women (or men if he is curious) as he likes without you being able to object, or expecting you to go along with other kinks he may fancy. There’s also a high chance that he doesn’t end up enjoying the reality, which will slowly and painfully destroy your marriage. Is it worth the risk if you are not enthusiastically into it?

I find it very odd he's encouraging you to do this with someone from your past. Even if he was only FWB, the request is odd when he knows that you are now married. FWB is meant to be some fun. who wants to get dragged in to someone else's marriage, no wonder he's not keen. I would run a mile if my ex FWB told me he wanted to sleep with me and his wife was fine about it 🙄

If you do agree to do this don't be shocked when he dumps you and accuses you of adultery. Might be his plan all along, wants a divorce but wants you to be the bad one,

It's normal and you know that deep down. Your FWB also knows that hence backing out.

Why do women aways get dragged into their male partners' filthiness? Just say no, OP.

Don’t do this, if you don’t want to.
This would be horrible for me.

If he persisted, and I told him how upset I was, and he didn’t stop and apologise, I would likely have to separate.

I also wonder how people have the head space, when they have children.

This is so seedy. Instant urrggghhh. For fucks sakes - can people not just live their lives without everything being centred on their genitals? 🙄

My friend does this and when she talks about it it sounds very hot to me, but as a fantasy only. I would not want to act upon it.

It's much more common than we think. She thinks she's got the best of both worlds, but he isn't sleeping with other women (or so he says!)

I'm afraid this would be marriage ending for me.

He's using you to fulfil his own warped fantasy, without giving any thought as to how it might affect you.

I've known several couples who have tried this over the years, and none had a great experience. It ended in divorce every time.

In one case, the 2 women involved in the threesome, actually ended up together, leaving the husband with massive regrets.

Do you really want to do it?

Also, what happens after? You come home, have sex with your dh and then what? How more times do you have to do it to satisfy his fantasy??

Actually that should read, how many more times will he want you to do to satisfy his fantasy?

And then what? What if he actually gets jealous because one of your fwb managed to give you multiple orgasms and he hasn't? Who does that jealousy get aimed at?

And then what? How many women does he want to shag to satisfy his fantasy?

None of this sits right with me but im not you.

However, this reminds of an old tv drama called Touch and Go with Martin Clunes. He was a bored husband got his wife into wife swapping, then the tables turn, she basically gets busy with it but no one wants him and he gets all sad and lonely.

I haven’t experienced this type of situation ever but from what I’ve read, it takes time, preparation and care to make sure you find the right person and that you are both comfortable to work together as a couple to keep each other emotionally and physically safe and content.

it sounds like this is your husband’s idea and you are going along with it. The fact that your husband is angry already and you feel used is a big red flag and you should re-evaluate. Just because you used to have an FWB relationship with this guy doesn’t mean he wants to get entangled in this situation. I think that would be quite intimidating for him. If you are really interested, perhaps you should seek out some swingers events near you and go along to see how you feel.

I would also be thinking about why your husband wants this, whether porn and/or another woman is involved.

Not to mention who has the time or inclination for all this shite with young kids?!

OP, I don't want to sound sanctimonious but your body isn't a toy for your husband to remote control.