Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

[Goldleafsand]

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

I would casually engage him in chit chat about how the evening played out. If he lies to you then that is worrying.

Well, you certainly won't get a church to do them at 8pm. And if it's in a venue, they're usually afternoon events. 8pm is extremely late for a memorial. They're not parties.

Hi all, thanks again for the replies, I am on a lunch break. Just trying to catch up and read through all of these.
I did send my usual good morning txt as that is what one of us would usually do , regardless of whether the other person had gone out the night b4 or not
The other person would also respond quite quickly even if it's just to say hi. I'm hungover feeling rough speak later on.
I still have not heard a thing from him and I am actually very concerned about his well being now. This is so out of character.
His phone is on as it shows that he has received the txt.
Not sure if he has read it or not as the read recipients on both our phones is switched off .
To those saying I sound stalkerish, well you couldn't be any further from the truth 😂 I have been with this man for a year and I have never had any cause for concern.
I didn't feel at all uneasy last night or this morning until I saw his house I completely fully trusted him , and still do ! As I'm not sure what is going on
Yes it was just a massive coincidence that I was asked to pick my work colleague up, we do all live in quite a tight knit area so quite likely to live near each other if that makes sense?
My gut is all twisted and I'm feeling hurrendous, maybe it was fate that I had to drive past his this morning? As I've never had to do that and never have in the whole time we've been in a relationship! 🤔
My heads a mess
I'm not sure what to do?
Shall I send another msg yet just checking he is ok?
Any advice appreciated
Thank you

So you don’t live together, so he’s your boyfriend. For how long?

you’re not his keeper, nor is he yours

he’s on holiday and free to crash at a mates if he wants to. He doesn’t need your permission.

all this, wait and see what he does stuff sounds like you’re trying to set him up.

he owes you nothing. Chill out, you’re coming across as unhinged

Come on, they're in a relationship. She has every right to expect him to be faithful. Her heart and health is at stake.

Please read my update

Thank you

I would be thinking he's either had an accident or he's avoiding you due to guilt. Either way its not looking good, so sorry op.

Ignore the posters trying to make out you're being controlling etc.

Could you call the local hospitals? Then maybe one of his friends? But I would leave it until perhaps this evening before trying. Do you know his parents numbers?

Can you phone him rather than message?

OP, you do have every right to expect him to be faithful, but you don’t actually know that he’s been unfaithful yet. Wait until you’re in possession of all the facts - there could be an innocent explanation.

Are you able to contact him at work?

Edit - if he'd been in an accident, would one of his friends have contacted you?

It's definitely late for him not to be in touch. I wonder if he has the mother of all hang-overs.

Oh I think I would be feeling the same! I would ring next see if he answers

Just phone him surely? If it's not normal that you haven't heard from him by now then give him a call.

The OP said he is on annual leave, so he isn’t going to be there.

You have only known this guy a year? Woman this is only when relationships start to get serious.

you need to calm the hell down

if he’s a wrong un, good to find out now, and not waste any more time. If you start behaving like some bat shit crazy woman stalking his texts etc HE may decide that this isn’t working.

You tearing yourself to pieces because of one night out is stupid and insane. Relax, it’s only a bloke you’re seeing for a year.

i dumped someone at the year mark because he wasn’t committed enough, i resolved to never even consider myself in a relationship until at least a year, and only then, tentative. Took each day as it comes

it made me a better gf. And the very next relationship I had is now 10 years old next year

This would have been my assumption too. If I came home drunk, not sure closing the curtains would be my priority.

@MsPavlichenko

Not the point of the thread, but it’s not compulsory to live with your partner. My partner and I do live together now, but didn’t for almost twenty years. We were as committed then, as now and partners in every way. It may well be the same here.

I hate this obsession with cohabitation on here too. There's always someone who jumps on and says: "You're not his partner! You don't live together!" like some sort of gotcha.

Some ridiculous hangover from the days when everyone had to be married.

Loads of people these days live apart for many very sensible reasons, we're not all falling over one another to move in. Why does the fact you wash someone's socks and share bills automatically make the relationship more durable?

If he were up to no good he would have texted/responded to your text hours ago to keep you off the scent so to speak.

He's either semi-comatose on his or a mate's sofa or ill.

Just phone him.

I’d give him a quick call just to check he’s ok. Especially as this is out of character for him.

just call him

OP - in your shoes, I'd phone rather than message. There are still any number of options that could have happened, but it's definitely late for him not to have been in touch.

I don't live with my dp (he is my partner, not my boyfriend). We both have a teenager still in school (Years 9 & 10) and we won't live together until they're sorted as we're both primary carer. Kids first for a few years is the agreement. I love being with a man who thinks likes me!

This guy is either passed out at his friend’s house, passed out at a female’s house or something bad has happened.

Relax, it’s only a bloke you’re seeing for a year.

Only on Mumsnet!

I have just tried to call as am so worried about him.
His phone just rings out