Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

[Goldleafsand]

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

Really pleased things turned out OK for you OP. He obviously had a bit of a crazy one but perhaps it was a release of pressure (you mention you both lost ppl this year). Sounds like he has had an adventure and a half!

Glad hes ok, as someone who lost her dad at 23 I can understand random trips haha. Completely changed my outlook on life. Although im married with children now so defo wouldn't be doing this without planning ahead. Hope hes had a nice time haha

It's strange isn't it. First he tells you a surprisingly exact plan - one last beer, then home in a taxi. All bases covered. Then by 1am he is totally plastered and decides to go to Calais. And he doesn't text you right then so either you're awake and see it or else you'll see it whatever time you wake up and turn your phone on. Instead he decides to "tell you when they get there" and surprise surprise when he decides to get round to it his battery is dead.

It's not exactly that I don't believe him, though the story has more holes than my old tights. More that I don't like him. If a bloke says "I'm having a great time, might make a night of it, love you, see you Wednesday, byeee" that's fine. But I hate it if a bloke says what he's supposed to say "one last beer than home in a taxi" and then does the opposite.

The souvenir comment made me laugh a lot! Cheers :-)

Maybe the friend had a friend that was going to France and that friend said meet me at the dock.
Or maybe that one last drink turned into a bit of a therapy session and they thought sod it.
It's the op's life she gets the full details she doesn't need to share them all, if she asks for advice then give it but by being armchair detectives without all the information can be quite damaging to some people.

The very judgy comments here make me laugh, from him having a drinking problem to the OP being a doormat. How unkind and very presumptuous too.
Nobody knows anything about this couple.
Anyway, glad all ok, he's going to be talking about this for a while, lol and he owes the OP dinner!!

If you read the opening op then you would have read he's on annual leave from work.

Reminds me of the drunken episode of Friends with Fun Bobby and Chandler and Ross ended up on a trawler...

Agreed. What a brilliant adventure!

This is an excellent update and has made me laugh as it's exactly the sort of thing I've done in the past when "in my cups".

(I ❤ Eurostar)

Why is that do you think? Because it’s also a made up story? Because it’s also ridiculously
far fetched?

Sorry to be that pedant, but that was the never seen Gandalf.

'Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school?'

'No, I had sex in high school'

WELL. I'm sure he'll be happy to show you the stamps in his passport, as a kind of badge of honour for his drunken escapade. 😏🤔

Glad he's OK!
I could live with that if it was a one off but your response will tell him how much he can get away with. He does sound very repentant though so hopefully it's not a red flag...

Your updates show he is incredibly immature.
This is the sort of behaviour I might expect from students in their early 20s.

How old is he?

Does he work? Can he just take time off work to get drunk in France?

He'd not be my sort of man.

Unreliable, binge drinks, selfish (keeps you worrying over where he is.)

What a load of rubbish. IF they went to France, it was all prearranged and he just didn't want to tell you. Because there's no way 2 blokes would have the focus and brain power to arrange such a detailed excursion when they were totally pissed at 1am. Let alone the energy. You'd be flagging by 1am, unless of course there's drugs involved.

So my bet is :

A) This is all a made up story

or

B) They went in the day time, it was all pre planned, but he just didn't tell you because he thought you would veto the trip.

I have at least a dozen such stories that initiated from the pub on a Thursday/Friday night.
Living on mainland europe there was always parties of some sort going on in neighbouring countries and friends of friends saying come and stay.
We had plenty of money and were mad to travel.
That's 35-40 years ago and what made my 20's such a fantastic decade.

My husband was the same with his friends, plenty of money, game for anything.

We survived, well. Great memories.
My adult children's lives are tame in comparison.

Well this was an unexpected outcome 😂 TBH if you're young and free why not? People saying they'd dump him, why? He's just living his best life in a way that isn't harmful for OP or him at all. These are the kind of stories that stay with you your whole life, what is the harm?

Why did he have random annual leave booked (obv he had nothing to do)? Perhaps ‘the adventure’ (hours of content unknown) was planned in advance after all.

Can you be a foot passenger in the early hours without a pre booking?

Do passports still get stamped?

Glad you've heard from him OP and that he's basically OK.

There's nothing to say they didn't get the morning ferry, if they didn't even decide to go until 1am and then had to go and get passport, sort out ferry and accommodation, get to Dover etc, so I don't necessarily disbelieve the story. I would be seriously unimpressed I have to say, but I come from the perspective of having divorced an alcoholic so any kind of over-the-top drinking escapades would be a major trigger and red flag for me. If you stay together, I'd just advise you to keep an eye on it. Occasional drunken bender that he ultimately grows out of - fine. Continued and increasing drinking that interferes with your lives - not so fine, and likely to get worse. Believe me. Hope it's nothing sinister in his case and just "one of those things".

They got the ferry not Eurostar.

Maybe he works somewhere that they don't insist that holiday can only be taken if you have plans they approve off.

Have you never had a day off without having specific arrangements?

Yes. The French stamp any British passports unless you have a French residency card.