Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

[Goldleafsand]

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

If I was completely hammered then I might come home and forget to put my bins out, fall asleep on the floor or sofa and not close the curtains. He actually may just be at home.

However, my first thought would be concern for welfare not something suspicious if all else was otherwise okay. It would only be if something was niggling away underneath that I’d be suspicious.

Don’t play games. Just message.

I’d message him.” U ok? Passed ur house this am enroute to picking up colleague and noticed you weren’t home. Tbf a bit worried.”

If you really care, don’t play games. Be upfront and expect the exact same from any partner.

If there’s no rational explanation or any obfuscation, LTB. Respect yourself.

I couldn't give this any headspace, hasn't everyone been on a night out where things have gotten carried away/plans have changed?

Have you checked to see he’s ok?

If he was drunk he may not have bothered to shut the curtains, or might have fallen asleep on the couch? And likewise forgotten to put the bins out?

Don't play games.

Have you heard from him OP? Tbh I'd be feeling the same as you in these circumstances.

Came home lay on the sofa and fell asleep , no need to close curtains as it was dark and didn’t have alarm set as off today so bins missed ?

If you're going to play these games, you need to know what you'll do next. If he doesn't say anything, do you you tell him a week later that you know he didn't go home but didn't bother checking on him?

If he tells you he crashed on "Bob's" sofa will you feel the need for evidence....?

How would you feel if he knew something that caused him to question your relationship, but left you to trip yourself up on it?

Crossing my fingers that it's all innocent.
How long have you been together?

Follow your instincts but keep your cards close to your chest.

Message him and ask him if he had a good night that you hope the hang overs not too bad as with not getting the usual morning message, you assumed he is unconscious on the couch! Make it jokey and see what the response is. If his answer explains what you know, then there is no harm done. Alternatively if his answer rings bells.....weigh up the situation and act as you feel fit.

Interesting that your first thought was cheating. Even just reading your post I was thinking 'gosh I hope he hasn't been in an accident or something and not made it home'.

Are you his next of kin? i.e. if something had happened to him would someone contact you?

I would just wait til he says something again and then ask directly.

I don’t know why people are giving you a hard time about it, I think the issue is the gut feeling and knowing this is unlike him.

I was also very relaxed, laid back, etc, never followed up or pestered even when something didn’t seem quite right. I should have.

I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable to believe he’s just got home and was too tired/drunk to bother putting his bin or close his curtains. Definitely something I would do back in the day, my only concern would be getting into bed.

I don't understand why he would message and tell you he's getting a cab home at 11pm and you said that was fine with you. That and the use of the word partner made me think you live together. But you don't, so why would he inform you what time he's getting a taxi?

I'd be really suspicious too. If he doesn't volunteer the info that he stayed out, I'd have to talk to him about it, in person. I'd say that you had to go past his house and you could see he hadn't been home, so where was he? You're meant to be in a monogamous relationship, so you have the right to ask.

I suppose he could have stumbled home drunk and couldn't be arsed to do the curtains and bin.

Because they are in an exclusive relationship.

I think the first clue was the 8pm memorial. Memorials are not held at 8pm.

Am sure OP doesn't care what he does but about the fact he may have lied about it.

It could be something dodgy and you'll only know if you ask and the answer didn't feel right.

However, I would say that (pre family) I have staggered in through the front door and barely got my coat and shoes off before crashing on the sofa/bed, and putting the bins out would certainly be the last thing on my mind.

Ah yes, and give him time to think of excuses and get an alibi. I would want to know if they were ok, but likelihood is yes he is fine.

Unless you have reason not to trust him, I'd have sent a message along the lines, 'Just wondering how you are this today'? That doesn't reveal anything. If he replies and doesn't mention what happened, you can ask him more about hs evening on Wednesday, ie who was there, any gossip, whatever. However, if he doesn't reply and you'd expect him to, then I'd be a bit concerned what he was ok and would ring him to say 'hello' in your break - see if he answers.

Wow!! Are they not no, ok

Absolutely the right way to play it.
If he lies about this, then you have information about his character which is useful
It could avoid you having to go through heartbreak further down the line

To be honest I’d approach things differently. The way you’ve worded things does sound stalkery and I can see why you wouldn’t want to mention it.

Ultimately it depends on where you see this relationship going. If you don’t trust him now it has no future. If it’s just casual/sex, then who cares.