Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

[Goldleafsand]

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

• sorry for the typos

Hmm, I think if all was as good as you say, your only instinct would be is he OK, especially as he usually contacts you in the mornings.

I.would not jump to any conclusions. He may have crashed at a mate's after he had spoken to u, when he intended to get a taxi.

Yes I think waiting until he gets in touch is the best way to go OP. And if he doesn't immediately talk about his change of plans last night then ask some leading questions and if he lies and says he went home after his last message then you will know where you stand.

Actually messaging you and telling you he was going to take a taxi home after his next drink does seem very calculated behaviour because given what you say about your relaxed approach to him socialising there was no need for him to do that.

I hope there is some innocent explanation.

I think you’re doing the right thing. Just see what he has to say first. The chances of something sinister happening are very slim so don’t be too tempted to text first. I don’t trust men at all but I genuinely think this could be innocent (one more drink turns into another and then it’s easier to stay at a mates etc) but see what he has to say. Sorry because I know I would be a bit upset by this but try and keep busy.

As you say it’s what he tells you. If he’s simply stayed on a pal’s couch and slept late he’ll tell you when he wakes up. If he doesn’t, or worse lies that’s a problem.

He might have crashed at a mates house and his phone is dead? Or he’s not awake yet if he had a heavy night?
Does he often stay with mates after a night out?
You have a gut feeling that something isn’t right though, so maybe it’s intuition. I hope he messages you soon with a perfectly reasonable explanation.

How long have you been together, is he a decent bloke or does he have form for dodgy behaviour?

I think you're right to be suspicious, if he was planning on staying at a mates surely he'd have mentioned it.

Handy to have a friend living near him though, makes snooping easier. Does she have a ring doorbell? .

Thank you for your replies.
I won't be saying a thing to him as some of you have advised , I'm trying to stay positive and tell my self that he just crashed at his mates and wait and see what he tells me.
I definitely won't be messaging anything about driving past his house and seeing he clearly did not stay at home last night

We forgot to put our bins out the night because we were tired, left the curtains open too. Could of been the same thing

So you don't live together and he hasn't been in contact with you this morning "pretending" he went home? I don't see what the issue is at all.

What if he's just passed out drunk and forgotten about the curtains and the bin?

How do you know for sure that he wasn’t home? What if he came home drunk and just fell asleep, and due to his state didn’t put the bins out or close the curtain? That’s definitely something my husband would do after a night out.
Edit to say, if it was a late night he might still be asleep and therefore no good morning text yet?

He could be fast asleep in his own bed for all you know and forgot to put the bin out.

Why does he need to tell you where he spent the night?

You sound a bit like a stalker! Noticing the bins and curtains etc

I can understand what people are saying but I’d have to be absolutely out of it not to close my bedroom curtains
and the op knows him better than any of us just like I know my partner would never go to bed without shutting his bedroom blinds
it’s a tough one though as if he doesn’t mention staying elsewhere I’m not sure how you’d bring it up without sounding accusing .

Work colleague. Hmm.
Did you in fact go around to his house because as you’ve said, you’ve got a feeling?

I'd say he most likely stayed at a friends house.

I think you’re being a bit odd, and slightly controlling. What does it matter if he stayed out? I’ve often gone out with friends, gone back to their’s and slept over. I’ve also forgotten to put the bins out!

You don’t live together, he was planning a relaxing lie in on his annual leave, so I don’t understand why it matters to you if he’s crashed at a friends or slept in his bed.

You don’t sound laid back at all (those who describe themselves as such rarely are), and as for jealousy, if your first thought is that he’s cheated then it sounds like jealousy and insecurity in your relationship. Do you not trust him?

If a man I was dating was keeping tabs on me like that it would be a big red flag.

Yeah I mean it is a bit of a coincidence that your work colleague's car broke down and she thought to contact you to pick her up and also just so happens to live on the same road as your partner....

OP I think you had a niggling feeling last night and drove past to see if he was home as you suspected he probably wouldn't be....

He probably has a massive hangover and sleeping it off on the sofa. If you don’t trust him, dump him - don’t stalk him

If you are genuinely concerned for his welfare, and he usually texts you every morning, there's no harm in sending a 'morning bob, hope you had a good evening?' type text.
But if you're suspicious he's up to no good, wait for him to contact you.
Hope it all turns out OK!

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt until he contacts you.
It's not as if he sent you your 'good morning' message with an obvious lie in it is it?
You could get a message saying, "just woke up, upside down in bed, still dressed, curtains open, never drinking again, and I didn't put the bin out !" and the only lie would be the never drinking again bit

More than likely asleep on the sofa with a huge hangover!

He could easily have just conked out with the curtains open. Or stayed at a friends house.
He hasn't lied to you. But if you really were just giving a colleague a lift, why can't you mention that you drove past?