Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

[Goldleafsand]

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

I disagree. I'm in my fifties and have seen the outcomes at this age of people who liked the drink this much when they were younger adults. It only ever gets worse.

I am also in my fifties as is the sister I mention above. She was the one who had the benders, did drugs (rave scene, not heroin or anything) did the stupid stuff.

She drinks less than I do now. She got it out of her system and then grew up. Same with most of our contemporaries. The ones who got worse usually had other issues that meant it was almost inevitable.

I'm all for having a spontaneous crazy trip to France, but isn't the obvious problem that you can't get on a ferry to Calais as a foot passenger in the middle of the night? I assume they didn't drive? Foot passengers aren't allowed on at night are they? P&O is the only ferry to allow foot passengers to Calais and they only allow them at certain times (not at night).

I am happy to be corrected by anyone in the know.

It's different with men. It makes them feel less ill than us, due to them having different enzymes or something - basically they can drink more than us - so they're more vulnerable to becoming alcoholics. And most women have children, which puts a stop to drinking.

I'm not saying that OP's bf WILL become an alcoholic, of course. But it's something to consider for the future, in the light of this escapade.

Yep,and she casually mentions his previous monster hangovers. It's not normal to drink to this point, at all. Most of us have done it (I did) in my late teens and early 20s, but it's dangerous and kind of disgusting to keep this up as you get older. He should have grown up a bit.

But, again, she has made it clear she has no boundaries and won't enforce any, so shrug

How did he get on a ferry to Calais without a car at night? 🤷‍♀️

DSis doesnt have kids, she just.....doesnt bother.

But although I have to admit that future alcoholism wouldnt be something I would particularly think about, I do think that a man of his age acting like this would put me off him.

Its all a bit.....desperate if you know what I mean? "Look how cool and fun I am!". Like a 60 year old with 30 year old girlfriend and a Porsche.

Oh, I totally agree. This sort of behaviour from a grown adult with a proper job, plus leaving her in the dark for so long, would give me the major ick. He sounds like an overgrown teenager.

Glad everything worked out in the end. I don’t see why so many are getting their knickers in a twist over it. He went out with his friend, did something spontaneous and tried to contact you when he could and you were awake.

My friend was on dating sites for years. Where did she meet her partner - in a pub! How does going to a pub mean a woman's life revolves around a man? Surely women go to pubs as a social thing, if they meet a man they like there I guess it's a bonus.

I agree. Honestly, threads like this really do bring out the people with no sense of adventure or fun, not to mention those who are suspicious of everything any man ever does. If you can't have an adventure now and again what is the point of life?

I'm pleased you finally heard from him OP and that all was well.

How can you physically get to Calais in the middle of the night without a car?! It would have been believable if he took a train to Paris, which you can do at 6am after a night of drinking. You cannot get to Calais by ferry at night without a car. 🚗

Trust me, I love spontaneous trips and have once told me daughter to get in the car one evening and we drove to Europe through the night completely spontaneously, but you need a car!

Trains run through the night from London to Dover. Perhaps they got an Uber? I doubt they thought about the cost if they were pissed

I think age comes into it plus the environment you grew up in.

But if you're not already naturally calming down by your mid 20s, still going on benders and getting monstrous hangovers in your late 20s, you're very definitely not someone who anyone should be settling down or having kids with.

OP doesn't specify but they both live in their own homes, so I doubt they're 21.

He just sounds like an unstable, unreliable drunkard and she comes across as desperate not to sound like she actually wants some boundaries - while definitely not trusting him, hence her original plan to wait and see if was honest with her about where he'd been.

I mean, what's buggering off drunk off your skull to a foreign country and not bothering to respond to your girlfriend between friends, right? 🙄

London to Dover is not the problem - how do you get from Dover to Calais? Have you tried getting an uber to France? Did the uber driver also have his passport? Nonsense.

If you're in London you just get the Eurostar to Paris.

Absolutely this. Plus he left her sitting there wondering if he was in bed with another woman (I mean, he probably was) or dead for an entire day and used the "my phone battery ran out" excuse. He's just a dodgy drunkard who will be boasting to the lads about what he got away with. 😑

He should have text you. It doesn't matter if you were asleep, you then would have known what was going on when you woke up. One text wouldn't have negatively impacted his trip at all.

You were worried all day. Firstly that he'd been up to no good, then that something bad had happened to him. Life is short, so why spend it feeling like that?

Also if his phone battery was dead OPs messages wouldn't have been delivered, and his phone wouldn't have rang out.

Ferries operate through the night.

Not for foot passengers they don’t; there are only 3 ferries a day between Dover and Calais that accept foot passengers and they’re at 9.45am, 1.40pm and 4.40pm.

According to OP:

• They got a taxi to pick up their passports and then hopped on a train so we know they were foot passengers and not in a vehicle

• They only decided to go at 1am so the earliest possible ferry they could have got is 9.45am (one hell of a wait for two drunks)

• OP posted at 9.46am saying she hadn’t heard from him so he was obviously ignoring her as:

1. he was still in the country at that point
2. his phone had not died because her messages were being delivered (she sent her usual good morning message)
3. he was obviously fully awake and not passed out drunk as he was able to board and disembark the 9.45am ferry
4. it makes no sense him saying he didn’t tell her because he didn’t want to “wake her” because she was obviously awake and at work before he’d even left the country

The only way they could have possibly got a night ferry is for a third character to be introduced i.e. an uber driver who just happened to have their passport on them and agreed to take them like a PP said / they flagged down a stranger and got into their car / a third sober friend (who’s not made an appearance yet) met them at Calais and took them across.

The whole story has more holes than a colander so the only other explanations are OP’s DP is lying, OP will claim to have changed details for “privacy” or this whole thread is nonsense.

Glad he is safe. A worrying day for you.

It strikes me that’s a lot if effort to get to France if they are totally pissed. Going back to get passports, catching a train, getting a morning ferry, finding a hotel with spaces. If they can manage all that he could have messaged the Op.
The bit that actually concerns me is messaging his parents though. That’s weird considering he’s out for two nights ….is he still living at home 😬

Oh no he’s got his own place. Weird.

Right. There are a lot of holes in his story.

He's just a sloppy drunk who acts like he's single and didn't bother to call her when he buggered off to another country to do God knows what.

OPs bar is so low you couldn't limbo under it.

I think he's lying through his teeth and she's so desperate to cling on to him she'll pretend to believe anything.