Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

[Goldleafsand]

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

Oh yeah, it's easy for women to meet men as men are encouraged to be the ones to pursue. I don't know where people meet their significant others these days as no-one I know is actively looking. Isn't online a source of embarrassment though? Like people might ask where did you meet?

Well I'm glad he is alive. I'm glad you heard from him.

I would very much doubt you are getting the full story of what actually happened - why he decided to go on this apparently spontaneous trip to France shortly after messaging you he was having another drink and then getting a taxi home. Or who he was actually with or why Calais. Weren't they lucky to get accommodation so easily at that time of night in their drunken state?

The whole thing is suspicious as anything imo. And I would be furious about the worry he put you through.

No-one did 😆 and it’s now going to be my first response on threads where OP’s partner has gone missing. Hilarious, but not, at the same time.

Lucky they both went out with their passports

Probably seemed like a really good idea at the time🤣🤣

You only live once!

Unlucky you didn’t read the whole post

So he's a bit of a wanker and an unstable, unreliable drunkard who couldn't be arsed telling you he was in a foreign country and left you to worry all day.

Ooh how edgy and cool he thinks he will sound when he tells his friends he got totally trashed and fucked off to France on a whim.

So you'll have finished with your boyfriend now, of course.

They didn't read the whole thread

No of course I haven't finished with him.
We have both lost people close to us this year and have said life is short to each other , I hope if I ever go on a mad random bender with my best friend he would understand also. They didn't decide till 1am and I would of been asleep so he thought best to tell me when he got there

Yep. It's a pile of pish. OP made it abundantly clear though in her first post that she's totally "cool" with anything and everything her boyfriend does, she was tripping over herself to make it clear she doesn't have boundaries in case she comes across as ̶n̶o̶r̶m̶a̶l̶ controlling.

So she'll just laugh a tinkly laugh and pretend everyone else is just being a stick in the mud. The treatment we accept is the treatment we receive.

Lol.

They surely couldn't have found accommodation at 3am in France though or been up all night drinking? Did they sleep on the streets? Sounds crazy, but I'm very dull. Made me laugh at least.

The least one can say is that he has an alcohol problem.
But the whole story does not add up.
Didn't he have to work?
This whole story is fishy and for me it would be the end of the relationship, if only because he's a drunk.

Sorry OP but part of me thinks that’s hilarious! What a bonkers adventure. I’m sorry of course for all the worry he out you through, and I’m sure he is too, but what a night out! And one he probably won’t repeat due to the state of him. Whereas you of course can dine out on this one for months, and I hope you do.

I took quite a lot of spontaneous trips in my misspent youth. People do, you know! As to "Why Calais" - because it's easy & cheap to get there? My randomly drunken Calais trip was cold and boring, from the little I recall. It still made a change from stopping at the kebab shop and trying to focus on a movie in the middle of the night 🇫🇷

For future reference: If you can easily get to Gatwick, Barcelona makes a good 24-hr destination.

Ooh I want to go on a mad drunken trip now! My friend went for a day trip to Pisa! She was sober though, no fun!

Total over-reaction, there’s no way this means he has an alcohol problem! He just got pissed and did something mad, who hasn’t? Maybe not quite that mad, but life’s short.

"I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this"

I meant to say this earlier when I saw her acting offended towards another commenter - but obviously she does not trust him (and nor should she) as that is definitively the ONLY reason why she would have posted this.

Later, she was angry that someone pointed out she might not trust him - but that is actually the only possible reason to even consider doing this. She wanted to catch him out.

But the OP is one of those who has been well and truly trained to be a cool wife in the making. If she ever manages to get him down the aisle he'll be one of those who goes to see prostitutes in Amsterdam on a really skeezy stag night and she'll pretend to believe he's never been unfaithful to her.

He's a liar, he's a drunkard and he's unreliable. He couldn't be arsed telling her he'd pissed off abroad and he'll be boasting about whatever he really got up to with his lads group.

Prediction - OP will continue to be a doormat until the disrespect is finally too much for her years from now when she's older, stuck with his kid and with few options - and then she'll wail - but why?! There were no red flags!!!

Oh well.

This whole story sounds completely made up! how would they catch a train in the middle of the night and a ferry (as if it’s waiting for them)!! Also, when you rang his phone, you didn’t mention the line ringing differently as if in a foreign country!! stupid story!

My sister did similar several times when she was much younger. But that was late teens early twenties. So it does happen but I have to admit I would be a bit put off if this is a man older than mid twenties.

Do I 100% believe the reason for your drive by no, but not relevant, however with your assumption re the blinds I would say about half my life ago (and only once before the drink problem accusations 😂) I managed to get myself home, got to bed…and woke up the next morning fully clothed inc heels, on top of my bed, with a poke of chips next to me on the bed and still holding my clutch handbag so yes I came home and no none of the blinds were shut, so I fair to assume he didn’t make it back up the road 😂

I’m glad he was safe OP and sorry you had a worrying day. I’ve been chuckling at some of the typical bonkers Mumsnet replies and I’m sure some people live in a parallel universe where they can’t understand that people occasionally do just decide to go out, get really pissed, stay up all night and do silly things like get a ferry to France. Ferries really do run through the night, hotels do have 24 hour receptions, and occasionally people get really pissed and either don’t turn up for work or might send a message when they realise they’re in for a long night to say that they will be taking the next day off. The fact that the OP’s boyfriend did this doesn’t mean that he was cheating, that he’s got a drink problem, or that she’s a doormat in the making. It just means that she’s got a boyfriend who likes to let his hair down occasionally, do something on the spur of the moment, and actually have some fun - something that seems to be very much missing in Mumsnet land!

Yep, I did equally hairbrained stuff when I was single but he's not supposed to be single. He absolutely did owe her a text to tell her his whereabouts when leaving the country - bare minimum respect. You tell your boyfriend/girlfriend if you're leaving the country or you are single.

But the whole first post is her desperately trying to prove she's too cool for school, so she won't take that on board.

I said my money's on a massive hangover. Close enough.

OP, think carefully if your boyfriend likes the drink this much. It only gets worse, and it's not cute when you're married with kids. My friend had a great relationship, except he always liked the drink too much. When they were living together, he pissed up the wall in their house and couldn't remember it. Many years later, he has such a problem with drink that even after pancreatic cancer (because of a genetic mutation) he can't stop drinking.

This is very undesirable behaviour for a future husband and father.