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Original poster

Partner does not know I know he didn't stay home last night

516 replies

Goldleafsand · 30/09/2025 09:46

My partner went out with friends for food and drinks last night
He msg me at 11pm saying he would be getting a taxi home soon , just having one last beer which is all fine by me of course.
We both msg goodnight and I love you to each other as I had an early start this morning
All was really good between us
I said I'd hoped he had a lovely evening with friends and he said he was looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday.

This morning my work colleague rang me and said her car wouldn't start and would I mind picking her up on the way to work , I agreed , it's absolutely no problem for me & didnt put me out of my way at all

She lives on the same cul de sac as my partner and you have to drive past his to get to hers.
As I glanced at his house I noticed every curtain was open including the bedroom ones. He also hadn't put his bin out , it's bin day
I know his house if that makes sense and it was clear he had not been home.
This was 7. 30 am , he is on annual leave , he was planning a lay in this morning , he was out with mates drinking I know him well he would no way be up that early
Anyway this surprised me a bit as he hadn't said he was staying out , however i understand things can cahnge on a night out drinking and all that and maybe he stayed at a friend's house ? Stayed for a few more drinks , who knows 🤷‍♀️

He is free to do how he pleases
However I have not heard from his at all today.
No goodmorning txts which is unlike him, even if he had been out drinking the night before he would always msg in the morning.

I am not going to say I know he didn't stay at home , I am going to sit back and watch and see if he is honest about this as there would be no reason to lie to me
I am very laid back and we both have a good group of friends and social lives so I am in no way controlling or jealous type
But there's this awful gut feeling niggling away at me and it's like my instincts are telling me something just isn't right here
I am also worrying that he is actually ok
But I don't want to bombard him with msgs either
So I'm giving it some time to see how this pans out throughout the day.
Why do I have this awful gut feeling? Is it anxiety or intuition?

OP posts:
Pinklittlebird · 01/10/2025 07:23

Suspending Critical thinking for a minute, and believing the story is true. Imagine a couple of drunk losers knocking on your B&B first thing in the morning, thinking they’re hilarious and exciting. Dribbling in English but thinking they speak a bit of gcse French. No wonder the French hate us.

Arrrrrrragghhh · 01/10/2025 07:33

Pinklittlebird · 01/10/2025 07:23

Suspending Critical thinking for a minute, and believing the story is true. Imagine a couple of drunk losers knocking on your B&B first thing in the morning, thinking they’re hilarious and exciting. Dribbling in English but thinking they speak a bit of gcse French. No wonder the French hate us.

It would have been lunchtime though. I suppose they could have just looked travel tired by then ( assuming they are youngish). Booking.com would find them a room easily.
Does he not work though?

Lighteningstrikes · 01/10/2025 07:35

Good for them.
Glad he’s okay.
Hope you got a good night’s sleep.

spicetails · 01/10/2025 07:37

Well, hopefully he’ll channel that spontaneity and you’ll go on many adventures together.

Bringitonicancope · 01/10/2025 07:37

Arrrrrrragghhh · 01/10/2025 07:33

It would have been lunchtime though. I suppose they could have just looked travel tired by then ( assuming they are youngish). Booking.com would find them a room easily.
Does he not work though?

Show quote history

OP said he was on annual leave .

Macaroni46 · 01/10/2025 07:37

If this is true, which I doubt, for me there’s far too much alcohol involved. Maybe I’m a prude but I find excessive drinking (and drinking for the sake of it) highly off putting and unnecessary.

Digdongdoo · 01/10/2025 07:38

Too drunk to text his girlfriend, but not too drunk to make multiple stops for passports, book ferries, taxis, and hotels? Yeah right. If that tale is indeed true, he's shown you where you sit on his list of priorities.

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 01/10/2025 07:41

Duckduckagogo · 01/10/2025 00:29

So he's a bit of a wanker and an unstable, unreliable drunkard who couldn't be arsed telling you he was in a foreign country and left you to worry all day.

Ooh how edgy and cool he thinks he will sound when he tells his friends he got totally trashed and fucked off to France on a whim.

So you'll have finished with your boyfriend now, of course.

Show quote history

Oh give over! I think this is hilarious (well now we all know he is safe). I know Mn likes a guy with an important job who has no life, works 12 hour days to support the SAHM, comes home does all the house work and child care and has no independent life or friends. But come on, this bloke is interesting at least..The only mistake he made was not having a power pack with him.

PinkyFlamingo · 01/10/2025 07:42

CalzoneOnLegs · 01/10/2025 00:00

Lucky they both went out with their passports

Oh stop trying to troll hunt and actually read the OPs posts. You're not being clever.

ChristmasFluff · 01/10/2025 07:42

What OP didn't see were the two French women who 'inspired' the adventure, watching him call her from the other side of the phone.

Dery · 01/10/2025 07:43

@Goldleafsand - another here who thinks this is daft but harmless and rather funny. Glad your BF is okay.

NamefromNowhere · 01/10/2025 07:45

Maybe, so as not to 'out' herself and her DP, the OP changed some of the facts. Everyone is tying themselves in knots trying to work out the logistics of how he got to France in the middle of the night, when in fact he could be nowhere near. Understandably, people got invested in hoping OP's partner was okay, I did. But I can also imagine that it is quite overwhelming to be on the receiving end of so much speculation and OP might now want to put it to bed, so to speak. I would.

middleagebumpyroad · 01/10/2025 07:47

I have a problem that he left you sick with worry into the night. He could have let you k pe earlier and this is far I would be pissed about. “Life is short” isn’t a reason, it’s a bit of a cop out to do stuff that’s a bit out of order without accountability. Just be careful, 5 years down the line when you are married with dc you won’t see the lighter side of your man going awol. A bit of a word is needed when he comes vs k.

Also fire he not work?

Gloriia · 01/10/2025 07:47

Pinklittlebird · 01/10/2025 07:13

Not sure if someone’s said this already or not, I’ve only read your posts OP.

I’m pretty sure the ferries to Calais (from Dover) don’t allow foot passengers at 2am in the morning. Hm.

Ignoring the dubious they were so drunk they went home, got passports, got a train to Dover (I assume?), then ferry to Calais, then somehow booked accommodation at 3:30am? All successfully booked and sorted in the early hours whilst inebriated. Hm.

I think you deserve better OP.

Edited

Yes it's all just too farfetched isn't it.

Anyway as long as the op is happy with the explanation that's all that matters.

However I'd be on high alert and any more similar silly stories/escapades it'd be a no from me.

TheCurious0range · 01/10/2025 07:48

Duckduckagogo · 01/10/2025 00:29

So he's a bit of a wanker and an unstable, unreliable drunkard who couldn't be arsed telling you he was in a foreign country and left you to worry all day.

Ooh how edgy and cool he thinks he will sound when he tells his friends he got totally trashed and fucked off to France on a whim.

So you'll have finished with your boyfriend now, of course.

Show quote history

🙄 he hasn't done anything other than unexpectedly change his plans for his leave. His phone died got a charger and was back in touch with OP less than 24 hours later. No harm no foul. They've got no DC he's not missing work, sounds like he's had a rough year and has done something a bit out of the norm for him. What is the actual problem?

TheCurious0range · 01/10/2025 07:51

Pinklittlebird · 01/10/2025 07:23

Suspending Critical thinking for a minute, and believing the story is true. Imagine a couple of drunk losers knocking on your B&B first thing in the morning, thinking they’re hilarious and exciting. Dribbling in English but thinking they speak a bit of gcse French. No wonder the French hate us.

Or maybe they booked a room or airbnb online? By that point they'd probably just feel rough and tired rather than actively drunk

ToutesetBonne · 01/10/2025 07:51

6comma7 · 01/10/2025 01:53

Glad everything worked out in the end. I don’t see why so many are getting their knickers in a twist over it. He went out with his friend, did something spontaneous and tried to contact you when he could and you were awake.

tried to contact you when he could

8pm!!!!!!!

ToutesetBonne · 01/10/2025 07:55

Duckduckagogo · 01/10/2025 06:05

I think he's lying through his teeth and she's so desperate to cling on to him she'll pretend to believe anything.

Show quote history

Or the whole story is fake, which seems the most likely of the two, because it's all too far-fetched!

CommonPuffball · 01/10/2025 07:56

ThrowAwayHooray · 01/10/2025 04:04

Not for foot passengers they don’t; there are only 3 ferries a day between Dover and Calais that accept foot passengers and they’re at 9.45am, 1.40pm and 4.40pm.

According to OP:

• They got a taxi to pick up their passports and then hopped on a train so we know they were foot passengers and not in a vehicle

• They only decided to go at 1am so the earliest possible ferry they could have got is 9.45am (one hell of a wait for two drunks)

• OP posted at 9.46am saying she hadn’t heard from him so he was obviously ignoring her as:

  1. he was still in the country at that point
  2. his phone had not died because her messages were being delivered (she sent her usual good morning message)
  3. he was obviously fully awake and not passed out drunk as he was able to board and disembark the 9.45am ferry
  4. it makes no sense him saying he didn’t tell her because he didn’t want to “wake her” because she was obviously awake and at work before he’d even left the country

The only way they could have possibly got a night ferry is for a third character to be introduced i.e. an uber driver who just happened to have their passport on them and agreed to take them like a PP said / they flagged down a stranger and got into their car / a third sober friend (who’s not made an appearance yet) met them at Calais and took them across.

The whole story has more holes than a colander so the only other explanations are OP’s DP is lying, OP will claim to have changed details for “privacy” or this whole thread is nonsense.

Show quote history

Agree. Very 🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟y

ToutesetBonne · 01/10/2025 07:57

XelaM · 01/10/2025 06:33

As @ThrowAwayHooray and I have explained night ferries do not take foot passengers. It is impossible to find an uber driver who would agree to go to Calais (I have actually tried before). How do you imagine it? You have to arrive an hour or so before ferry departure for check in, then go through lengthy border control, then 1.5 hours from Dover to Calais and then the uber driver would have to do this whole journey back (plus have his passport). It is impossible and would cost thousands even if it was (which it is not!).

The only way he could have ended up in Calais in the middle of the night is if he was with someone who was driving.

Edited
Show quote history

Leaving aside that they wouldn't have got through border control in a drunken state.....

Didimum · 01/10/2025 07:58

Zonder · 01/10/2025 07:16

To be fair they could have got a morning crossing. I've re-read the update and it all could have taken quite some time.

"They ended up getting more and more drunk and decided in a very drunken state to get a train then the ferry to calais 😮"

Could easily have taken several hours, especially given they had to pop home for passports first 🤨

Show quote history

Yes true. That’s extended effort for a ‘mad bender’ though 😂

Complet · 01/10/2025 07:59

Having spent a bit of time in Calais, assuming they got there around 0600, there isn’t really that much to do at that time. Once they had got some breakfast and hung around to buy a charger when the shops opened, why couldn't he have text you as soon as he charged his phone up?

Just seen the update that he couldn’t have got there until late morning as a foot passenger - this makes even less sense!!

Why didn’t he get a charger on the ferry? They’ve a whole selection of them and loads of plug sockets to use.

It’s not like they’d be so busy whilst they were hanging around waiting to check in at 1500, especially as you said you text each other all the time. Something seems a bit odd here, but however you get your kicks I suppose!

Digdongdoo · 01/10/2025 08:00

TheCurious0range · 01/10/2025 07:48

🙄 he hasn't done anything other than unexpectedly change his plans for his leave. His phone died got a charger and was back in touch with OP less than 24 hours later. No harm no foul. They've got no DC he's not missing work, sounds like he's had a rough year and has done something a bit out of the norm for him. What is the actual problem?

Edited
Show quote history

I guess it depends if he's actually her partner as OP says, or just a fairly casual new boyfriend.
If any of it is even real.

silkypyjamas · 01/10/2025 08:01

I love that and would totally understand if my partner did the same, i wouldv'e been worried but if its the first time he's done this, and with recent bereavements they might have been drowning their sorrows, I would like the fact he is spontaneous. And might even do the same with me one day :-)

Tiswa · 01/10/2025 08:01

I agree the whole story sounds completely made up and unrealistic
so either the OP is making it up

or more likely they olanned the whole thing a lot earlier and he wasn’t going to tell her until it was clear she knew something was wrong and then told her

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