What do I do with this request for space?

[Tennisnonpro1123]

My (37F) boyfriend (36M) said he wants space / time to cool off and just be in his own element following a fight we had. As he told me this, he said that does NOT mean dating / talking to other people. He made me agree that I wouldn’t be dating other people either, or telling anybody in our lives that things were rocky. I referenced how I was gonna go no-contact w him during this time so he could have his space, and he was all “omg no you should still contact me.” Huh? My plan is to go no contact as I told him, bc he’s the one asking for space?
The fight was about his recurring pattern of going out without me (says it’s coworkers or the guys so I’m not invited), then disappearing until like noon the next day. Started asking if he could send a single text saying he got home safe; he didn’t. (Whenever we go out he has 3-5 drinks then drives, & sometimes has swerved the car, so I’d have reason to worry). He always blows up at me, curses, & ignores me for days after I say anything about this

This has got to be a wind up! Haha OP, you got us going. No one is that daft.

He is just using you.. Don’t waste your time on him

The way to keep things going is lie down like a doormat, let him treat you like an absolute mug while you humiliate yourself over and over again wasting your life on a loser but that seems as though it’s already the case.

Good luck you’re going to need it

You’re asking people how to stay in an abusive relationship. If this is real it’s bonkers but I also understand that many people are so desperate to keep their abuser (which is part of the abuse). I really hope that if it is real, nobody does advise you how to keep him.

This has got to be a wind up from the way the OP is spectacularly ignoring all of the responses, which ALL say ‘ the hills are that way, get your running shoes on, and see if you can pick up some self respect on your way.’

Yes the way he jumps to get aggressive and insulting whenever I say I need anything / treat him as anything but perfect is lame. But he’s not hitting me and not abusive. I want to know how to get him back bc he seems so pulled away just bc we had fights . He was the only one yelling at me, not other way around. I just wanted to be told when he’s home safely since he drives after 3-5 hard liquor or wine drinks, for goodness sake

He doesn’t want you to be his mummy. Focus on yourself, you will be respected more…Kindly, you
need therapy..

Yep the shark has well and truly been jumped wt ‘hard liquor’ - well done OP you almost had us believing this was real for a day 👏👏👏

Read all of this again, slowly, as if a really good friends was telling you this is how her boyfriend was behaving. What would you say?

He doesn’t want you for you, and I can’t see why you want him as he sounds a proper dickhead even ignoring the drink driving. Emotionally distant boyfriend is gag to equal life of unhappiness seeking attention. Sack him off and find someone better, or just have a happy single life doing whatever the hell you want!

Op please pick up your bar from the floor and set it high, start by having some respect for yourself because he hasn't,
He chooses not to inform you of time of arrival because he doesn't care, stop asking,
You need to set your bar high and stand by that, for gods sake, he doesn't care op, while you enable him to have the life of Riley,

Because he wants his cake and eat it. Giving him space which equals keeping in touch but not actually seeing each other? He's keeping you on a string while he does who knows what, with who knows who. And don't kid yourself otherwise.

Do you really love him that much to stay with someone who quite frankly sounds downright selfish.

PS and the drink driving should be a deal breaker in itself.

Ditch him and give him his space forever. He is an idiot, a criminal (people who drink and drive are killers) and selfish and won’t change. He only wants space so he doesn’t have to listen to you rightly challenging him. How would you feel if he kills someone on his next drinking trip and you actually know he could do this? I would report him to the police.

Are you from the US? What’s Seltzer?

might need to clearly decide who you really want to be before you write troll posts OP. Writing style all over the shop, multiple personalities shoved in there.

OP think about this line you said

"I want to prove to him I can give him what he needs"

what this translates as - I want to prove to him I have no boundaries and he can do whatever he wants.

Have some therapy and work out why you are so terrified of setting any boundaries whatsoever

He is doing this to control you. He wants you to stop demanding anything of him - and then come back to the relationship when you have given up asking anyting of him - so you no longer feel you can EVEr ask him to be back on time etc.

Do you live together?

So, he goes out with his friends and then home to his own place and doesn't text you until noon the next day or text you he got home safe?

The drink driving needs no comment really.

OP, I get you love him and it’s really hard. But surely you want him to love you back or there’s no point to the relationship, right? I’m afraid I can see no evidence that he does love you, from what you’ve told us.

Love is not about words so you I don’t think it’s useful to try and decode what he means when he says X, Y or Z. Love is about what you do with, to and for the other person. And, come on, nothing in what you’ve told us speaks of love.

This is very sad.
Your bar is so low, it’s on the floor.
I’m sorry, but he doesn’t give a shit about you.

You won’t take any advice, but you need to to get therapy to realise your self worth. Things will only get worse but you seem hell bent on being his doormat.

The question you need to ask yourself is why do you want to be with him? What are the good things about this relationship? I haven't seen you mention any positives so my deduction is that you are scared of the alternative - being alone. Are you persevering here because you don't want to be alone?

He wants to toy with you - like a yo-yo.

He is saying - 'sit in the naughty corner ma'am, for having the audacity to express what you expect from me as a partner. While you're there, you must spend the time thinking about why you're being punished, and why you won't do it again.
And don't you dare get any ideas about finding a better man, because I need to come back when I'm ready, to toy with you again. And hopefully by then you'll have learnt that I will do what I want, without you challenging me.

The question is- are you going to tolerate this bullshit, or are you going to dump the twat?

Have you heard the (oldie but goldie) song “A Little Time” by the Beautiful South? That’s what I want for you to happen with this break! The whole relationship sounds stressful and annoying and like you’d be better off without him.

Abuse isn't just 'hitting'. That's the excuse abusive men use when they want you to think you are overreacting "but I'm not abusing you, I've never lifted a hand against you".

If your boss at work was constantly belittling you, making fun of you, shouting at you, forcing you to behave as though he were the best boss in history whilst being terrified of losing your job so you knew you HAD to say it - you'd know that was wrong, wouldn't you?

Abuse isn't just hitting. It's all the things your boyfriend is doing. He's abusing you and you are so beaten down by him that you are going along with it.

We’re being played jog on op

OP you are a fool.