What is this? Heartbroken

[IfIHadAHeart]

I’ve been in a relationship for about four years. We don’t live together as are both divorced and have kids at home. He has supported me through some really difficult times, we get on well, I trust him. There seemed to be mutual respect and it’s the first relationship where I’ve ever truly felt I was understood.

We met through work. We don’t work for the same employer or even the same industry really, but cross paths now and again which is how we first got talking. He knows most of my colleagues as he works with them from time to time too. I have recently been working towards promotion, and have now applied for a six month post within my organisation but in a different area. It doesn’t involve moving or anything like that, just a longer commute. I submitted the application yesterday, having discussed it with him beforehand. He hadn’t seemed that supportive, which surprised me. However yesterday once I told him I’d applied, shit hit the fan.

He told me I’m weak, not management material, no one will ever respect me. That I’d be back in a few weeks with my tail between my legs having fucked up. He said the only way I’ll get the job is if I sleep with my potential new manager first, then accused me of sleeping with various colleagues and suggested he needs an STI test. I refused to engage with it, so he got nastier. He basically brought up any doubt or insecurity I’ve ever shared with him, said a whole host of incredibly hurtful things and then had the cheek to end the relationship saying good riddance, he’s better off without me and is running for the hills.

I know it will sound unbelievable when I say this but this side of him has come out of nowhere. There have been no signs before of any nasty streak, to be honest he treats me like a bit of a princess really with so much care and love.

Needless to say, the things he’s said were so hurtful that the relationship is over as there were things I will never be able to forgive. But I am absolutely heartbroken. I can’t understand his behaviour at all and I don’t know how I can ever move on from this. I genuinely believed he was the other half that made me whole.

Any ideas as to what’s caused this change?

@IfIHadAHeart any news on the job?

That is perfectly put.

I got the job!!

I think it’s exactly what I need, a bit of a fresh start. I start in a couple of weeks and I’m quite excited.

He did get in touch after a couple of days. Apology messages, a few attempts to call me, flowers. I had initially planned to ignore him but in the end I did send one message explaining that the things he’d said were unforgivable. I then blocked him. I know it won’t change him or make him reflect on his behaviour, in all likelihood, but I felt better for saying my piece.

Well done OP! Congratulations on the new job! Onwards and upwards. I know it hurts but I think you have done the right thing for you.

Well done! Onwards and upwards!

Amazing, well done you. On to bigger and better things 🎉 Thank you for coming back to update the thread.

Woo hooo yes OP!!!!

Massive congrats

Totally agree with the onward and upwards mentality...

If there is a pay rise remember the rule is: with first months pay you need to calculate the delta in your old and new salary and smash the difference up the wall on something decadent and amazing that you wouldn't normally buy. Then after that you do boring stuff like increase pension contributions and savings

This is your new job reward...
Memorable past promotion splurges of my own included

• an amazing wool winter coat
• a MK handbag (circa 2010! I loved it!!!)
• some art I loved
• dinner at a mega fancy restaurant of ky fave chef
• a holiday in Seville
• A chanel handbag (pre kids and price hikes and slightly more than 1 month 😅)

Well done, OP, on all fronts!! 🥳

Indeed, you asserted your boundary, that that behaviour will not be tolerated. That can be good to do!

Wishing you all the best of luck in the new role!

OP, you had a lucky escape and glad he showed his true colours. Well done on getting the job. Also now you have said how you feel to him, move on as hard as that might feel.

There was something in your first post which struck me I genuinely believed he was the other half that made me whole.
No one else can make you 'whole' but only you. Relationships only add hopefully for the better!

Good luck on your new start in your new job.

What fabulous news! Congratulations! And you didn't even need to sleep with your potential new manager like he so kindly said. It's a great opportunity and you don't need someone like him trying to hold you back due to his own insecurities.

Congratulations OP, delighted to read this.

Agree with @ Salmon, very important to mark this with a gorgeous treat.

I bought a silver necklace 44 years ago with my first paypacket of a summer job.

The wins in life are to be cherished and celebrated.

Him exposing himself is also a win.
This thread is yet another one that shows that some men can mask for years before they truly show you who they are at their core.

His came out when he decided you were moving ahead further than he wanted.

He's a misogynistic prick and now you know.
Better he went all out with his bile as you might have forgiven him if he had been slightly less nasty.

Be gentle and kind on yourself.
I think this won't be the last you hear from him, so don't be surprised if he tries again to contact you.

This wasn't about you, this was about any woman doing too well for herself and how it makes his insecurities ping.

You are well out of it even though I can only imagine your disappointment.
Wishing you well.
You should be so proud of yourself.

Great news, well done x

Well done on the job! I agree, what he said was unforgivable. It reflects on him not you. Go you, onwards and upwards.

Tremendous update, well done you!

Fabulous news Op. We all knew you could do it. I'm glad you stood your ground when he messaged you. I agree you should treat yourself to something decadent with your pay rise.

@IfIHadAHeart You go, girl! Well done and thank you for coming back and updating us.

Congratulations op!🎉🎉🎉🥳🥳🥳🥳
Well done for getting this new job. If it is anything like my industry, you may still be on your old wages until you become appointed on a permanent position. If I remember well, this is a secondment, right? You do well on this and the future is yours my dear!!!
It is amazing how much we all learn from this forum on human behaviour in general, you remind me of a thread by a lady called Running in the rain (that was her second thread actually). I tho k it is good that you said your piece, you basically closed the chapter as he might be thinking otherwise he might still have a chance. Just wondering if he provided any explanation to his abhorrent behaviour.
Once again, well done op! The future looks bright!
big virtual hug

Wow, that’s the best news and what a great way to finish this relationship! You must be on a high despite the sadness of the last few days. This is something to be proud of, OP, on both accounts. How do you feel?

I get a really good feeling about this change for you - I think you’ll go from strength to strength, and not just professionally!

Excellent news on the job. Congratulations 🎉
Also well done for setting that boundary and letting him know you don't accept that behaviour.

If he is a narcissist he'll possibly try again quite a few times to hoover you back with fake nice gestures. Have none of it if you value your peace and yourself.

Wishing you lots of wonderful times ahead in your new job.

I'm so pleased for you. A new start, things are looking up!

Well done OP!

So happy for you OP ☺️❤️

Well done op

Well done OP. Just goes to show how right you were to apply, and how dead wrong he was. Delighted for you

LOVE this update! Mazel tov! Double win is new opportunity and divested of nasty wee loser. 💐👍🏼