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Original poster

What is this? Heartbroken

350 replies

IfIHadAHeart · 19/09/2025 19:12

I’ve been in a relationship for about four years. We don’t live together as are both divorced and have kids at home. He has supported me through some really difficult times, we get on well, I trust him. There seemed to be mutual respect and it’s the first relationship where I’ve ever truly felt I was understood.

We met through work. We don’t work for the same employer or even the same industry really, but cross paths now and again which is how we first got talking. He knows most of my colleagues as he works with them from time to time too. I have recently been working towards promotion, and have now applied for a six month post within my organisation but in a different area. It doesn’t involve moving or anything like that, just a longer commute. I submitted the application yesterday, having discussed it with him beforehand. He hadn’t seemed that supportive, which surprised me. However yesterday once I told him I’d applied, shit hit the fan.

He told me I’m weak, not management material, no one will ever respect me. That I’d be back in a few weeks with my tail between my legs having fucked up. He said the only way I’ll get the job is if I sleep with my potential new manager first, then accused me of sleeping with various colleagues and suggested he needs an STI test. I refused to engage with it, so he got nastier. He basically brought up any doubt or insecurity I’ve ever shared with him, said a whole host of incredibly hurtful things and then had the cheek to end the relationship saying good riddance, he’s better off without me and is running for the hills.

I know it will sound unbelievable when I say this but this side of him has come out of nowhere. There have been no signs before of any nasty streak, to be honest he treats me like a bit of a princess really with so much care and love.

Needless to say, the things he’s said were so hurtful that the relationship is over as there were things I will never be able to forgive. But I am absolutely heartbroken. I can’t understand his behaviour at all and I don’t know how I can ever move on from this. I genuinely believed he was the other half that made me whole.

Any ideas as to what’s caused this change?

OP posts:
Judecb · 20/09/2025 19:03

What a small little man with a big ego. You are WELL out of it.

B33cka8 · 20/09/2025 19:06

Pinkpommebear · 20/09/2025 18:00

I'd stop lending him money

Show quote history

Yes this in itself feels like a red flag

Star458 · 20/09/2025 19:08

He doesn't like the feeling that you're 'above him' workwise and this promotion is making him feel like that. That would be my guess. That or it's an excuse because he's met someone else - why on earth would he need space because you're going for a promotion.

It's not good either way.

WearyAuldWumman · 20/09/2025 19:10

Handbagcuriosity · 19/09/2025 19:13

He sounds jealous OP and I think you’re better off without him. What a nasty thing to do!

This nails it.

He doesn't like seeing the OP being successful.

MaddestGranny · 20/09/2025 19:14

I think you've just dodged a bullet. Be grateful HE ended it. If you'd been placed in the situation of trying to get away from him later on, it might've been much worse.
Be relieved. And good luck with the job application. Whether you get it or not, it has served it's purpose. 💐

Lollipop81 · 20/09/2025 19:17

To put it bluntly he is a nasty narcissistic wanker. Don’t try to figure out why, it isn’t anything to do with you, it is him. Please don’t waste any more time on it, go for it and don’t let anyone hold you back. He showed you his true colours don’t ever take him back as he will come begging x

Isthisit22 · 20/09/2025 19:17

So sorry you’ve had this nasty surprise. Please be careful now as he sounds a bit unhinged. Might be worth speaking to someone trusted at work in case he starts causing trouble there or spreading rumours.

Hollietree · 20/09/2025 19:20

“He said the only way I’ll get the job is if I sleep with my potential new manager first, then accused me of sleeping with various colleagues and suggested he needs an STI test”

Does he manage any younger female colleagues? Is he projecting? Is he sleeping with a younger colleague that he manages, who he knows that she is only sleeping with him to further her career?

Edited to add - this also reeks of misogyny. That he thinks women can only progress in the workplace by having sex with their male manager. 🤮

Blablibladirladada · 20/09/2025 19:26

Wow,

well that is done. Move on op, I am sorry he was such a waste of time. Everyone has a bad side but not everyone uses shared feelings against partner to make them feel bad. That is jealousy for your determination and he reacted because he is hiding something. I hope you never find out what it is!

OnceIn · 20/09/2025 19:27

I would have said he’d been love bombing you, but 4 years is a long time to do that, maybe his mask is finally stating to slip. But even without the armchair psychology, sounds like you’re well rid of him.

preciousdarlingangel · 20/09/2025 19:30

Sadly yes I agree.

WeeGeeBored · 20/09/2025 19:34

TooTooMuchEverything · 20/09/2025 00:18

An Excellent idea.

Show quote history

Yes, do it op.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 20/09/2025 19:36

There are many posts of husbands who've suddenly turned out of nowhere, left the marriage and kids behind etc.

The real him was going to come out one day OP, as hard as it is at least it's not decades later.

Not easy, but try and seperate his comments to who you are.

Good luck with the interview.

NigellaWannabe1 · 20/09/2025 19:38

OP, well done for being strong and for respecting yourself. I wonder if it might help to write down everything horrible he said to you - because he’ll be back twisting what he said and what he actually meant, and it’ll all end up being your fault.

When that happens, read that list. 🙂

NotToday1l · 20/09/2025 19:56

mylipsaresealed2025 · 19/09/2025 23:50

There is enough men in the job keen to tear your down let alone your partner ! What a prick

Exactly, you don’t need it at home

Witknit · 20/09/2025 19:56

I worked in women's health for decades.
The number of times I heard "He usually treats me like a princess" from victims of abuse, physical or mental is too numerous to count.

Im so sorry that you're heart broken and that your trust may have been destroyed but the massive positive is your lucky escape

ClairDeLaLune · 20/09/2025 19:58

That’s awful OP. Sounds like he’s jealous, possessive and controlling. He liked it when you were in a lowly position and he knew everyone around you. He could keep you in a box. Now he can’t anymore and you'll be meeting new people it’s triggered his possessiveness. How dare you upset the status quo and try to better yourself? Know your place woman! Sorry OP he’s taken 4 years to show you his true colours but now he has you’ll come to realise you’re well shot of him.

SingingHedgehog · 20/09/2025 19:59

IfIHadAHeart · 19/09/2025 19:12

I’ve been in a relationship for about four years. We don’t live together as are both divorced and have kids at home. He has supported me through some really difficult times, we get on well, I trust him. There seemed to be mutual respect and it’s the first relationship where I’ve ever truly felt I was understood.

We met through work. We don’t work for the same employer or even the same industry really, but cross paths now and again which is how we first got talking. He knows most of my colleagues as he works with them from time to time too. I have recently been working towards promotion, and have now applied for a six month post within my organisation but in a different area. It doesn’t involve moving or anything like that, just a longer commute. I submitted the application yesterday, having discussed it with him beforehand. He hadn’t seemed that supportive, which surprised me. However yesterday once I told him I’d applied, shit hit the fan.

He told me I’m weak, not management material, no one will ever respect me. That I’d be back in a few weeks with my tail between my legs having fucked up. He said the only way I’ll get the job is if I sleep with my potential new manager first, then accused me of sleeping with various colleagues and suggested he needs an STI test. I refused to engage with it, so he got nastier. He basically brought up any doubt or insecurity I’ve ever shared with him, said a whole host of incredibly hurtful things and then had the cheek to end the relationship saying good riddance, he’s better off without me and is running for the hills.

I know it will sound unbelievable when I say this but this side of him has come out of nowhere. There have been no signs before of any nasty streak, to be honest he treats me like a bit of a princess really with so much care and love.

Needless to say, the things he’s said were so hurtful that the relationship is over as there were things I will never be able to forgive. But I am absolutely heartbroken. I can’t understand his behaviour at all and I don’t know how I can ever move on from this. I genuinely believed he was the other half that made me whole.

Any ideas as to what’s caused this change?

I’m so sorry you have had to deal with this, but sadly I think he is looking for a way out. He has lashed out as he doesn’t have the decency or communication skills to end it in a civil and respectful manner. It may not feel like it now, but in time you will know he did you a favour! Good luck with your new venture!

Mammyplease · 20/09/2025 20:06

Sounds like he's having an affair to me and is worried the new job will bring you to close to finding out about it and who with. I REALLY hope you get the job!!! So sorry you have to go through this op.

ormiwtbte · 20/09/2025 20:16

What a wanker.
He probably doesn't like the idea of you getting a promotion and being successful. Perhaps he thinks you should "know your place". These men who treat women like "princesses" are often like this.

As for this:
He sent me a message today saying he needs some space and was sorry if anything he said yesterday upset me. So not a real apology if that makes sense. I haven’t replied.
I'd send him a thumbs up and then block.
Do not let him back.

Beenthereseenitbefore · 20/09/2025 20:20

He thinks you've ignored his advice and you've moved to be near somebody you fancy.

Tapsthemic · 20/09/2025 20:23

OP I’m so sorry. I haven’t read all the responses, so sorry if someone else has already asked this, but - is there a pattern of him supporting you and being there for you when you’re in need of support, but struggling to celebrate your wins (even small ones)?

If so might he have a bit of a saviour complex? Hence the “weak” comments - that’s how he wants to see you?

atinydropofcherrysherry · 20/09/2025 20:26

Horsie · 20/09/2025 00:15

This is a really great idea.

Show quote history

I suggest you run his name through all the registers available to you, my dear, in your spare time

atinydropofcherrysherry · 20/09/2025 20:32

He is a loser and has lost you. I don't care about nasty men. They can be as lonely as they wish all their lives or pay for female company

jkELG · 20/09/2025 20:35

He could be a control freak and this has freaked him out and shown his true colours. It may hurt now OP, but at least you can move on with ease. So much better than being trapped with a narcissist or any sort of controlling bully.

best wishes and stay strong.