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Original poster

Interesting conversation I just had with a man about cheating... Want to hear others perspective.

283 replies

ForeverHopeful3 · 17/09/2025 04:34

I am in the "talking" phase with a man who's been pretty good to me so far! We're a few hours away from each other but we've gone on 2.5 dates and both were good, he's consistent, he's showing he's intentional with me, etc etc.

Today, we had an interesting conversation that somehow morphed into cheaters.

He was explaining to me why it's okay for men to have sex with multiple women, even in relationships, and why it's not the same for women.

Basically: first, its biological. Men have always had multiple women. He used the example of kings having multiple queens to have their children. He also said that when a man sleeps with a woman, he doesn't have to have an emotional connection to her. So when a man "cheats" on his girlfriend, she shouldn't leave him because he still loves her, and not the other girl. He just had the physical part with the other girl. But for a woman, its different, because most women need an emotional connection with the man before she sleeps with him. So her cheating on a man means she doesn't love her man anymore or she isn't emotionally connected to him. Also, he used examples of how Muslim men have multiple wives.

He did say he's not saying its right or wrong, he's saying that its okay for men to cheat because they still love whoever it is that they are married to or in a relationship with.

I said that cheating is a huge betrayal and it shows there's no meaning behind your word. Now, I did throw in that if the man is up front with his woman and tells her "HEY I AM GOING TO BE WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN" and she knows this and is okay with it, then that's on her and its not cheating at that point.

BUT, if he does that behind her back, that's not right.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 17/09/2025 08:51

I don't know how you go on half a date but if you are going on dates you are dating, not talking.

Anyway. His views and values on this issue don't align with mine so in your position I would be grateful for an early indication that we are not compatible, and end it.

spicetails · 17/09/2025 08:53

why are you planning on having a ‘next conversation’? This would be an immediate ghost and block from me.

Haveaproperty · 17/09/2025 08:53

My DH doesn't hold this view. He absolutely hates cheating. He holds a stronger view in it than I do.
It's not universal male assumtion. You are not compatible.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 17/09/2025 08:53

Run 😭😭

I dont even think that he sounds like a cheat. Just someone who wants to cheat but cant get women so sits around pondering about it 🙄🙄

MargoLivebetter · 17/09/2025 08:53

There are lots of reasons why people "cheat". However, none of those excuse the betrayal of the agreement that the cheater made with the other person to be exclusive.

When you "cheat", as opposed to when you are in an open relationship, you lie, usually multiple times to the person who you have often publicly agreed to remain faithful to. Regardless of the actual sex, you are being deceitful on many levels and that is not how loving people behave towards each other.

If you love someone and want the best for them, it generally doesn't involve a whole pack of lies and furtive behaviour.

@ForeverHopeful3 your potential love interest was either trying to be provocative or he is a moron - IMO!

cocoonscriticupgrading · 17/09/2025 08:53

If we were talking from a purely animal biological ‘continuation of the species’ pov, he is sort of correct. A male’s mission is to have offspring with as many fresh young females so he can to spread his seed far and wide. For a female, they need to breed with the most healthy and virile male, and to protect their babies in a safe secure place away from other predatory animals who may want to kill the offspring.

Humans (most of them) have moved on from the law of the jungle, and we now know that sort of behaviour does not breed healthy relationships, where women especially, but men too, need to feel they are ‘the only one’.

To discuss all that in a purely academic theoretical way is one thing. To use it as a reason or excuse to be a cheater is another - unless you are both into swinging, in which case it is not cheating.

Rewis · 17/09/2025 08:54

ForeverHopeful3 · 17/09/2025 05:38

He did bring up Andrew Tate lmao.

Show quote history

As in he is a supporter of human traffickers?

tachetastic · 17/09/2025 08:54

Speaking as a man, what a load of bull.

I think it is true that the average man would probably like to have more sexual partners in his life than the average woman (if he can find them) but the idea that women should just accept that men will be unfaithful is nonsense.

This reminds me of stories of teenage boys talking girls into sex by telling them that a man could die if he gets turned on but is not allowed to “finish”. 🙈

I strongly suggest keeping this one at the “talking stage”.

Rusalina · 17/09/2025 08:55

To emphasise the point in the comment I quoted just now, his opinion really isn’t interesting or intelligent. I’m unsurprised to learn it came from the likes of Andrew Tate.

At other points in history, it was women who were viewed as the sex-crazed maniacs, and men the rational ones who could control their impulses (and therefore needed to control women for their own good… probably don’t tell your misogynist boyfriend that bit, you don’t want to give him any ideas).

Tbh any positive mention of Andrew Tate should have you running a mile. It’s not worth your time, and I don’t even need to know anything about you to know that you deserve much better!

BunnyLake · 17/09/2025 08:55

OP please don’t lower your standards by continuing with this man. If all women (including myself) didn’t allow men to get away with their shit then men would have no choice but to raise their own standards. If I had my life again I would put up with nothing less than a solid green flag.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 17/09/2025 08:57

Nice of him to tell you in advance that he’s fine with men cheating!
How did you have 2.5 dates? Did only one of you turn up for the third one?

Ormally · 17/09/2025 08:57

What a catch.

If you're fine with his philosophy, have fun. If not, use it as one opinion from someone who thinks he's a philosopher and a king and can spend life seeking lots of queens to hump. That's his dream.

Secretsrevealed · 17/09/2025 09:02

Want to add that I'm a biological woman and I definitely can have sex without emotional connection, I just choose not to, as I find it more enjoyable when there is an emotional connection. I also don't think it's fair on the guy, as yes guys can become emotionally attached also, and I've experienced this.

I've also dated multiple guys at the same time, so it's not just a male biological urge to have multiple sexual partners, but I wouldn't cheat if I was in a committed relationship because I thoroughly believe that whilst those biological sexual urges may be there, it's a choice whether to act on them or not and I think is a sign of character.

BountifulPantry · 17/09/2025 09:03

Im so glad he told you after 2.5 dates!

byeeeeeeeeee

Mummyratbag · 17/09/2025 09:04

Nah, I too old for this sort of crap. Anyone who makes your spidey senses go off (enough to start a MN thread) needs to be gone. Get out whilst you still can, this isn't "getting to know you" stuff this is testing boundaries and showing you he's a dick.

Rewis · 17/09/2025 09:04

There are studies that say women with higher estrogen levels are more likely to cheat, women are more attracted to men who are not their partner when ovulating etc. So we can find proof that women are also biologically wired to cheat. If we want to go down this route.

Also, using history as a proof on why men are okay to cheat is dumb imo. That doesn't prove biology, it just proves social acceptance.

Account734 · 17/09/2025 09:06

My thoughts are that he's warning you he'll cheat on you and you won't be allowed to do the same because you're a woman. He sounds vile and I'd end contact immediately.

Calliopespa · 17/09/2025 09:06

Also, using history as a proof on why men are okay to cheat is dumb imo. That doesn't prove biology, it just proves social acceptance.

This.

It's no more compelling than using history to prove why women shouldn't vote.

3456DDF · 17/09/2025 09:07

He did say he's not saying its right or wrong

I beg to disagree. He is telling you, quite clearly.

GreenCandleWax · 17/09/2025 09:09

He is mouthing patriarchal crap because he believes it. This would have big impact on life with him in other ways, not just his attitude to cheating or not. Let him know which century we are in before you tell him to get lost.

sashh · 17/09/2025 09:10

Also he is not a king.

Henry VIII had numerous mistresses and being his mistress was quite a high status. Henry Fitzroy (his illegitimate son) was made a Duke.

Twiglets1 · 17/09/2025 09:12

ForeverHopeful3 · 17/09/2025 04:34

I am in the "talking" phase with a man who's been pretty good to me so far! We're a few hours away from each other but we've gone on 2.5 dates and both were good, he's consistent, he's showing he's intentional with me, etc etc.

Today, we had an interesting conversation that somehow morphed into cheaters.

He was explaining to me why it's okay for men to have sex with multiple women, even in relationships, and why it's not the same for women.

Basically: first, its biological. Men have always had multiple women. He used the example of kings having multiple queens to have their children. He also said that when a man sleeps with a woman, he doesn't have to have an emotional connection to her. So when a man "cheats" on his girlfriend, she shouldn't leave him because he still loves her, and not the other girl. He just had the physical part with the other girl. But for a woman, its different, because most women need an emotional connection with the man before she sleeps with him. So her cheating on a man means she doesn't love her man anymore or she isn't emotionally connected to him. Also, he used examples of how Muslim men have multiple wives.

He did say he's not saying its right or wrong, he's saying that its okay for men to cheat because they still love whoever it is that they are married to or in a relationship with.

I said that cheating is a huge betrayal and it shows there's no meaning behind your word. Now, I did throw in that if the man is up front with his woman and tells her "HEY I AM GOING TO BE WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN" and she knows this and is okay with it, then that's on her and its not cheating at that point.

BUT, if he does that behind her back, that's not right.

What are your thoughts?

He has told you who he is in terms of his values so you should listen to him. He is a man who thinks it's ok for men in relationships to cheat on their partners.

My daughter had a conversation early on with her ex bf where he told her that he has cheated on every gf he has had (quite a few). She did not think for a minute that he would do the same thing to her as he seemed absolutely besotted with her to the extent that he was paranoid about her cheating on him.

She finished with him over his controlling behaviour and guess what? He had a new gf within a week. He had been lining up the new girl while still in the relationship and probably sleeping with her too.

I would finish things with this guy before you get hurt.

CatchTheWind1920 · 17/09/2025 09:12

ForeverHopeful3 · 17/09/2025 05:30

Well he kept telling me throughout the conversation that he's not talking about himself and that he would never cheat.

In our next conversation, I'm going to lay it down and tell him that I have no intention with being with someone who is going to go into multiple relationships with me.

Show quote history

I always find the men who emphasise that they "won't cheat" are the ones who do. His views have certainly told you that he thinks it's fine. I would be parting ways with him.

Imstillmagic · 17/09/2025 09:13

IF you continue with this relationship, you'll be posting another thread in 6 to 12 months saying you've found out he's cheated with multiple women.

nadine90 · 17/09/2025 09:14

Cheating aside (obv he would happily do that), if he’s giving these opinions out this early on, he will have more irritating “hot takes” (I.e. moronic and awful) that he will laud over you and embarrass you with in public. What is mildly irritating now will make you want to bang your head against a wall later. Throw him back!