Interesting conversation I just had with a man about cheating... Want to hear others perspective.

[ForeverHopeful3]

I am in the "talking" phase with a man who's been pretty good to me so far! We're a few hours away from each other but we've gone on 2.5 dates and both were good, he's consistent, he's showing he's intentional with me, etc etc.

Today, we had an interesting conversation that somehow morphed into cheaters.

He was explaining to me why it's okay for men to have sex with multiple women, even in relationships, and why it's not the same for women.

Basically: first, its biological. Men have always had multiple women. He used the example of kings having multiple queens to have their children. He also said that when a man sleeps with a woman, he doesn't have to have an emotional connection to her. So when a man "cheats" on his girlfriend, she shouldn't leave him because he still loves her, and not the other girl. He just had the physical part with the other girl. But for a woman, its different, because most women need an emotional connection with the man before she sleeps with him. So her cheating on a man means she doesn't love her man anymore or she isn't emotionally connected to him. Also, he used examples of how Muslim men have multiple wives.

He did say he's not saying its right or wrong, he's saying that its okay for men to cheat because they still love whoever it is that they are married to or in a relationship with.

I said that cheating is a huge betrayal and it shows there's no meaning behind your word. Now, I did throw in that if the man is up front with his woman and tells her "HEY I AM GOING TO BE WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN" and she knows this and is okay with it, then that's on her and its not cheating at that point.

BUT, if he does that behind her back, that's not right.

What are your thoughts?

And your evidence for this is … he said so!

This isn’t just a red flag. It’s a parade. You’re not even dating seriously yet, and he’s starting to groom you. You are already questioning him, you have started a thread. But, you are defending him too ( it’s his ex’s fault ).

Please listen to what we’re telling you and bin him off. Otherwise your future will be miserable.

It's a question that most people think about when they're in late adolescence, and some males will be stupid enough to voice it to a woman, but a grown man who's been married should know a lot better.

@ForeverHopeful3 have a good think about the sort of man that comes out with this stuff to someone he's dating after already being married.

What you say to him now probably won't matter - unless he's one of the vanishingly few who do update their thinking even when it's uncomfortable for them. He's probably decided that this is his world viewpoint and that's that. Sexist, at the least. And again .. .adolescent.

Agree. He is talking like a teenager trying to justify his views. I'm a man and I couldn't be bothered to listen to that nonsense people used to argue about when in their late teens/early 20s. He'll grow up eventually, but if I was you I wouldn't waste time waiting.

How could you listen to that and still be interested enough to seek opinions on it?

Ahh cheaters. Too lazy for monogamy but too scared to be single. The worst of all men.

OP are you totally sure you are not the other woman.

My thoughts are please don't continue seeing this man.

What a wanker. What an ignorant wanker.

Don't bother with a next conversation op, no point in laying down the law because he'll ignore it. Time to dump & move on.

He's testing you. If you continue the relationship in the belief that you're strong enough to kick him out, he has already learnt that he can push your boundaries.

He is telling you who he is and what his values are - all dressed up in some sort of logic so that he can have plausible deniability. You do not need a man like this.

F*ck that.

He seems like a walking STI. Was he scratching himself?

For the next date, stand him up and send a message saying, "Sorry, but I'm with someone else—a woman. You turned me! 😁"

He’s a misogynistic clown who has some unreconstructed, half-assed ideas about evolutionary biology leading men around by their kingly dicks, and you show incredibly poor judgement in listening to any of it or even contemplating having sex with him. Ugh.

It would be a no from me going forward. Just because kings had harems doesn’t make it ok today for any Tom, Dick (pun not intended) or Harry to ‘spread their seed’ with impunity.

I would say our values are too different and I don’t want to take this any further.

It is all about ownership of women as breeding vessels. In that model a woman shouldn’t cheat but it doesn’t matter what the man does. In an equal partnership cheating is not ok for anyone.

He's not saying it's right but he's saying it's ok?

He is a sexist idiot. Not worth any more of your time.

I haven’t (can’t stomach) read the whole thread. These “it’s a man’s need to have sex because biology because frustration because sex is intimacy for us because we deserve it because we aren’t needy like women AndrewTate or ten-a-penny women like being raped video commentary wankers (whatever they call themselves)” so called men are so idiotic and boring, if I were you I’d have literally got up from my chair and walked out.
There is no point in engaging- ever.
As for the alleged cheating ex wife - doesn’t every single incel and misogynistic wanker cite alleged past cheating..? Come on OP…

I don't care that he is not going to cheat or not talking abiut himself. I don't want to be with anyone with such double standards.
Anyone who believes this type of gender BS, he will also have other beliefs and double standards when it comes men and women. Next women will be more natutal at washing dishes so he never has to do that and then it will escalate.

It’s the same Andrew Tate/ misogynistic bs spouted on many online podcasts/videos - hardly a unique insight. Honestly don’t know why you are even bothering to have another conversation with him after that.

What did he say about him?

This is almost exactly what I was going to say.

Don’t have a conversation with him “next time” RUN he’s clearly telling you his attitude towards women as well as cheating. It’s OK for men to do what they want but women must make sure they don’t upset men. You’re only in the talking stage so move on before you become too invested.

Did you ask him if he follows in the whole of Islam or just the part of sex and how he feels if he'd have to marry all those women to have sexual access?

Also, does he welcome the other parts of pre medieval life, or is he quite attached to his washing machine and central heating?

Do I blame women for men's poor behaviour? NO.

Do I blame women for having lax / no boundaries? YES!

Mr 2.5 dates has already told you who he is.

OK. But what was the 'interesting conversation' your thread title suggests?

This.