I'm in a new relationship of 4 months, to a sweetheart of a man. Out communication is better than I've ever known and we've talked about lots of meaningful subjects, he makes me feel safe and secure, takes on board my pov about many things and I feel as though I'm at my most body- and sexually confident point in my life with him.
Today I sent him some underwear pics to add some spice (no face but he knew it was me). His reaction though is what has taken me aback and has honestly left me feeling shit. I know the pictures were ok so it's not that... He just seemed not so bothered about them. When I nudged him on it he admitted that because he'd never received anything like this before, it made him question who else in previous relationships I'd done this sort of thing with, and on realising that I probably had (I have, in a previous LDR to keep things going over distance), it wasn't something that he felt was special to us and inasmuch, he didn't want to see them.
I can definitely empathise with the churning up of feelings when your mind does wander to what your partner might have done before you met, but surely this applies to all sexual activity too, and he doesn't have a problem with that? He knows at my age I won't be coming to him as a virgin, but he seems to think I'm so experienced and have had more lovers than him. FFS I was married and monogamous for 25 years! It's hardly as if he's been a wallflower all his life, either (and has a 20 year relationship under his belt). I think we've both had a pretty normal number of experiences from what we've chatted about so far, albeit both had pretty tame marriages as far as sex went.
I've taken it hard. I saw the pictures as kind of a special gift, putting me in the a vulnerable position of him being able to study the images for imperfections and all sorts, rather than a fleeting glance at a moving body part when we're together in real life. I carry insecurity like anyone else and I'm very nearly 50 so have a few issues, naturally, even though maturity allows me to push these to one side and employ some perspective. I would have loved for him to have been excited and dare I say grateful, for want of a better word, and this flat response has really knocked the wind out of my sails.
I'm not sure what I'm asking here, I suppose just to write it out and see if I can see his point of view. But I'm struggling. Any words of wisdom? Thanks x