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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Selfish friend expects me to pay high price when on low income

311 replies

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 18:56

My friend is quite selfish. She always expects to go to expensive restaurants when we meet up. She has a 38k a year job and 12k rental property income - she told me this. Her parents also paid a large chunk of the 4 bed house she lives alone and she told me this. She does not have a mortgage.

I am only on 27k. Why does she thinks it’s acceptable to expect me to pay £30 for a meal at a restaurant. The one time she had this ‘voucher’ and I still had to pay £25 for the meal.

This time round she found this ‘Table’ scheme where you pay £8 fee to get 50% off the meals. Well it’s not 50% if you have had to pay a fee. I looked at the menu and it says there is a 12.5% service charge on the menu. It’s doesn’t say it can be removed. She said it’s too late to cancel. I am seething. I feel like just getting a bowl of soup as that will end up being a reasonable price. Most meals are £30 at this place.

I am really annoyed with her. She always says she has no money but goes to a concert or gig every month and stays in a hotel which all of this costs hundreds of pounds and she goes abroad a few times a year. She isn’t poor as she can afford this and these expensive meals. I think she forgets what she tells me.

I am not jealous but she has lots of disposable income but expects me to fork out when I am not on the same income and I have to pay bills and mortgage.

OP posts:
NormasArse · 10/09/2025 18:58

You say, “Sorry- I can’t afford that, but I’d still like to see you- can we go somewhere else?”

4forksache · 10/09/2025 18:59

Tell her in advance in future. Say that’s always going to be the case and you can only do reasonably priced stuff together in future. And why is it too late to cancel?

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/09/2025 19:00

Just be blunt and tell her you cannot afford to eat at those type of places.

Summershutdown · 10/09/2025 19:01

You need to be stronger and hold your own and tell her no.
she can expect all she likes but you do not have to go along with it.

SquaredPaper · 10/09/2025 19:02

NormasArse · 10/09/2025 18:58

You say, “Sorry- I can’t afford that, but I’d still like to see you- can we go somewhere else?”

Exactly. Just say no and suggest something else.

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:03

4forksache · 10/09/2025 18:59

Tell her in advance in future. Say that’s always going to be the case and you can only do reasonably priced stuff together in future. And why is it too late to cancel?

Because she is tight and does not want to lose £4 each on a booking fee. I am having to finish work early as she booked the table for 5pm without asking me. Then says she is going to have to rush and get a taxi to get there. Luckily I am driving but she is just wasting £15-20 on a taxi when she could have booked later and got the bus or train and saved money too.

She doesn’t look into things. A recent concert was cancelled and was annoyed the hotel wouldn’t refund her. She eventually got her way but the hotel didn’t have to refund her. I said that was I pay extra for flex room to cancel at last minute if needed.

OP posts:
SquaredPaper · 10/09/2025 19:13

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:03

Because she is tight and does not want to lose £4 each on a booking fee. I am having to finish work early as she booked the table for 5pm without asking me. Then says she is going to have to rush and get a taxi to get there. Luckily I am driving but she is just wasting £15-20 on a taxi when she could have booked later and got the bus or train and saved money too.

She doesn’t look into things. A recent concert was cancelled and was annoyed the hotel wouldn’t refund her. She eventually got her way but the hotel didn’t have to refund her. I said that was I pay extra for flex room to cancel at last minute if needed.

Why so passive, OP? Just say no. Don’t finish work early. Say five is too early. She can’t ’make’ you finish work early, or have dinner anywhere you don’t want to.

CasualDayHasGoneTooFar · 10/09/2025 19:15

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:03

Because she is tight and does not want to lose £4 each on a booking fee. I am having to finish work early as she booked the table for 5pm without asking me. Then says she is going to have to rush and get a taxi to get there. Luckily I am driving but she is just wasting £15-20 on a taxi when she could have booked later and got the bus or train and saved money too.

She doesn’t look into things. A recent concert was cancelled and was annoyed the hotel wouldn’t refund her. She eventually got her way but the hotel didn’t have to refund her. I said that was I pay extra for flex room to cancel at last minute if needed.

For goodness sake

Woman up, tell her you can't afford it.

SirRaymondClench · 10/09/2025 19:19

It doesn't sound like you like your friend very much OP and you also seem to resent her lifestyle rather than be happy for her.

Do you think she should pay for you or something?

Perhaps you'd be better not being friends with her at all and she would be far better off not having 'friends' who post bitter threads on MN because they don't earn as much as she does.

Tunacheesequesadilla · 10/09/2025 19:20

Have you tried opening your mouth and telling her?

Bjorkdidit · 10/09/2025 19:20

FFS OP stand up for yourself. She can't 'make' you do anything you don't want to, isn't at a time that suits you or you can't afford.

When she suggests these things, say no. Stop being so wet.

DiscoBob · 10/09/2025 19:21

If you genuinely can't afford it then you can't go. Stop agreeing to things you don't want to do or can't afford.

To me £30 in a restaurant is probably the bare minimum you'd get away with for dinner and drinks. But obviously everyone has their own idea of what they are willing to spend or can afford.

Be assertive. Find somewhere you definitely do like in your budget and suggest that.

BusWankers · 10/09/2025 19:22

Why do you have to leave work early? Why wouldn't you just sends message like "oh, is that a typo? I'm at work until 5!"

Endofyear · 10/09/2025 19:23

You're a grown woman! Why are you going along with her? You can just say no, I can't afford that, we'll have to go somewhere else or I'll just leave it. Stop being so passive!

Aitchemarsey · 10/09/2025 19:23

You need to suggest you do more free or cheap things together. If she wants to go to these kinds of restaurants she clearly can, and why shouldn't she? She can afford it and she enjoys it.

But you need to make clear you're not the right friend to accompany her and she shouldn't expect that. I'm sure there are plenty of other things you could do.

Aitchemarsey · 10/09/2025 19:24

DiscoBob · 10/09/2025 19:21

If you genuinely can't afford it then you can't go. Stop agreeing to things you don't want to do or can't afford.

To me £30 in a restaurant is probably the bare minimum you'd get away with for dinner and drinks. But obviously everyone has their own idea of what they are willing to spend or can afford.

Be assertive. Find somewhere you definitely do like in your budget and suggest that.

Ditto, I wouldn't agree to go out for a meal with someone if I wasn't prepared to pay about that much. It's pricey but that's what things cost now.

QuarterHorse · 10/09/2025 19:25

Of course you can cancel. Just say you can only afford coffee and cake or go out for breakfast.

Xmasbows · 10/09/2025 19:26

Round here you’d be hard pressed to have a meal out for less than 30 quid, unless you go to McDonalds! So maybe she thinks it’s standard and doesn’t realise?

You should just say you’d rather meet up at a coffee shop or something….

Complet · 10/09/2025 19:30

Do you arrange anything? Sounds like she’s doing all the work, trying to find a good deal, and you don’t seem to like her either?

I don’t understand why you don’t say anything, why you don’t organise nights out, and why you want to continue to meet up with her when you don’t have anything nice to say about her?

Arlanymor · 10/09/2025 19:30

Make her watch that episode of Friends where Rachel, Joey and Phoebe confront the other three about always choosing expensive places to eat and then say: "You know you're Monica, Ross and Chandler, don't you?"

Joking aside, put your foot down - she can't make you do anything that you don't want to do. Either she meets you halfway or you'll have to cut down on the time that you spend with her. Does she ever just come over for a cuppa and a chat?

JifNtGif · 10/09/2025 19:30

I mean for me, £30 in a restaurant is for a few cocktails before dinner, if you look at the average UK income, £30 for dinner is nothing. As you are on an ultra-low income you need to be very clear with your friend that you simply can't afford eating out. Perhaps go for a coffee and cake instead ?

BrownieBlondie01 · 10/09/2025 19:37

JifNtGif · 10/09/2025 19:30

I mean for me, £30 in a restaurant is for a few cocktails before dinner, if you look at the average UK income, £30 for dinner is nothing. As you are on an ultra-low income you need to be very clear with your friend that you simply can't afford eating out. Perhaps go for a coffee and cake instead ?

I wouldn't say 27k is an "ultra-low income"?! Is it?!

Tbh OP I'd imagine your friend just doesn't realise that you consider £30 to be way too much for a dinner.

Realistically, that's not too far away from what you'd pay in a lot of standard places like the Harvester etc for a meal, soft drink and dessert now. It's not a high-end price, it's just things have gone up loads.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 10/09/2025 19:40

£30 for a meal? Unbelievably cheap !

And dinner @ 17.00 ? WTF.

Louoby · 10/09/2025 19:42

I would just tell her you cannot afford that restaurant. Alternatively you could cancel on the day and claim your sick. Next time, don’t let her pick the restaurant.

JustineRobots · 10/09/2025 19:44

Do you actually ever tell her you can’t afford this? Or do you just sit “seething”?

You sound quite judgemental of your friend - she’s tight (yet when she does spend, it annoys you), she’s thoughtless, she never looks into things properly… what is it you DO like about her? I can’t see why you’re that keen to spend time with her when you don’t seem to like either her or the places the two of you go to together.

Take the initiative - suggest somewhere cheaper instead; ask if you can postpone until after payday… just do something that isn’t simply complaining.