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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Selfish friend expects me to pay high price when on low income

311 replies

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 18:56

My friend is quite selfish. She always expects to go to expensive restaurants when we meet up. She has a 38k a year job and 12k rental property income - she told me this. Her parents also paid a large chunk of the 4 bed house she lives alone and she told me this. She does not have a mortgage.

I am only on 27k. Why does she thinks it’s acceptable to expect me to pay £30 for a meal at a restaurant. The one time she had this ‘voucher’ and I still had to pay £25 for the meal.

This time round she found this ‘Table’ scheme where you pay £8 fee to get 50% off the meals. Well it’s not 50% if you have had to pay a fee. I looked at the menu and it says there is a 12.5% service charge on the menu. It’s doesn’t say it can be removed. She said it’s too late to cancel. I am seething. I feel like just getting a bowl of soup as that will end up being a reasonable price. Most meals are £30 at this place.

I am really annoyed with her. She always says she has no money but goes to a concert or gig every month and stays in a hotel which all of this costs hundreds of pounds and she goes abroad a few times a year. She isn’t poor as she can afford this and these expensive meals. I think she forgets what she tells me.

I am not jealous but she has lots of disposable income but expects me to fork out when I am not on the same income and I have to pay bills and mortgage.

OP posts:
Wowweee1234 · 11/09/2025 00:00

SirRaymondClench · 10/09/2025 19:19

It doesn't sound like you like your friend very much OP and you also seem to resent her lifestyle rather than be happy for her.

Do you think she should pay for you or something?

Perhaps you'd be better not being friends with her at all and she would be far better off not having 'friends' who post bitter threads on MN because they don't earn as much as she does.

Being honest you can't afgord to do x or y isn't bitter or jealous, just fact.

OP you need to firmly remind your friend you have a budget.

DiscoBob · 11/09/2025 00:20

Aitchemarsey · 10/09/2025 19:24

Ditto, I wouldn't agree to go out for a meal with someone if I wasn't prepared to pay about that much. It's pricey but that's what things cost now.

Yeah, it would be hard to in most places. I guess if you don't drink alcohol and eat one course. But you still need to be able to afford to leave a tip. It's not acceptable to me to go out to eat then fail to pay the tip for 'financial reasons'.

I'd just wait till I had more money saved. It's better not to eat out than have to restrict and stress too much about cost. It spoils the fun.

LadyMinerva · 11/09/2025 00:37

I think you are being unfair by calling her selfish. It sounds like she has had a bit of a sheltered upbringing in the financial sense. Always had the bank of mum and dad available to her and was never taught to appreciate the value of things.

Just be completely honest with her.

TheClaaaw · 11/09/2025 00:49

Why do you keep saying you “shouldn’t have to pay the same as her”?

The prices are the prices. Restaurants aren’t going to charge you less for food because you earn less. Are you trying to imply that you think she should pay for your meals for you? If so, obviously that is unreasonable given she’s only earning just above average salary herself and it’s hardly a reasonable expectation for a friend to do this: lovely if they offer but very entitled if you expect it just because she earns more than you.

Based on your posts she’s been very sensitive to your situation with low earnings and gone out of her way to find cheaper deals, eating earlier etc to bring down the cost, even paying taxis to get there at the earlier time when such discounts are available and it’ll be cheaper for you and you’re still complaining, in fact, “seething”. That’s a very strong reaction which - along with how you’ve described her and her life - I’m afraid does seem to reek of jealousy.

As others have pointed out, where did you expect to eat where it would cost less than £30 for a decent meal and drinks? Why haven’t you organised your meetups or suggested somewhere cheaper to eat or something else to do rather than writing this post being unpleasant about her?

You don’t sound like much of a friend.

Justchilling07 · 11/09/2025 01:09

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/09/2025 19:47

Honestly girl

You sound super jealous 😭😭😭

If you cant afford the price of the restaurants you go to, tell her that you can only afford cheaper places

It sounds like you want her to treat when you go out. That isn't something that you can force her to do really. You could casually bring it up, but I think you'd just come off as being jealous

Which i think you are 😬😬

Sorry

Adding sorry, at the end of a put down (to op) doesn’t then make it ok😬
Yes op, needs to be firm, let her friend know, that the places, she chooses, are bit on the expensive side and op, will choose, or at least have some say in where they meet up, in future.
And no, l don’t think op is jealous, fed up, excuse the pun.Op just tell her, the places she chooses are too expensive.

Rainbowqueeen · 11/09/2025 01:30

I don't think it is fair to call her selfish if you have not told her that these places are out of your budget. That's the starting point.

Just say something like, its always great to catch up with you. I'm working to an entertainment budget of x quid for meals or evenings out. That's the maximum I can spend when we catch up. I can choose the place or we can meet for a drink instead, whatever works for you.

StewkeyBlue · 11/09/2025 02:21

There’s no way I could leave work to go for a 5pm dinner: just say that arrangement is impossible!

Ratafia · 11/09/2025 02:32

Justchilling07 · 11/09/2025 01:09

Adding sorry, at the end of a put down (to op) doesn’t then make it ok😬
Yes op, needs to be firm, let her friend know, that the places, she chooses, are bit on the expensive side and op, will choose, or at least have some say in where they meet up, in future.
And no, l don’t think op is jealous, fed up, excuse the pun.Op just tell her, the places she chooses are too expensive.

The problem is that, if you want to meet up for a pleasant evening out, it's difficult to think of many places that are going to be substantially cheaper than £30 a head. Wetherspoons? MacDonalds?

OP, maybe the best way to deal with it is simply to go out with her half as much. Instead of scratching around finding somewhere cheap, just meet up, say, once every two months rather than once a month?

Tablesandchairs23 · 11/09/2025 04:35

Stop being passive and tell her no. It actually sounds like you don't even like her. So why are you friends with her.

cheesycheesy · 11/09/2025 04:41

Even in the “cheap” chain restaurants youre looking at least £30 per person. If you can’t afford to eat out tell her. Good luck finding cheaper.

Queenofheart · 11/09/2025 06:06

Jesus, I get together with my girl friends loads, we arrange everything to suit us all, where we’re going, times, venues, etc, why is she in control of everything and booking it without your agreement and more to the point, why are you going along with it all when it doesn’t suit you 🤔

Serpentstooth · 11/09/2025 06:19

"No, I don't want to do that/can't afford it/don't really like you". Just Say No OP,

GreenAndWhiteStripes · 11/09/2025 06:27

Could suggest having dinner at yours or hers (take turns) rather than going out to a restaurant? You do need to tell her how you feel though. She isn't a mind reader.

SirRaymondClench · 11/09/2025 06:57

Wowweee1234 · 11/09/2025 00:00

Being honest you can't afgord to do x or y isn't bitter or jealous, just fact.

OP you need to firmly remind your friend you have a budget.

She hasn't been honest though has she? She's started a thread on MN seething about what her friend has benchmarked against what she has instead.

Have you read the way OP speaks about her friend?
Would you like your friend to be talking like that about you?

She's definitely bitter and jealous. Why else would she go into what her friend's parents gave her etc. It's irrelevant to what this meal costs.
It sounds like her friend has tried to be mindful of her and book the ear bird special and yet she's still 'seething'.

Pricelessadvice · 11/09/2025 06:59

But if you don’t say anything, how is she to know it’s a problem?
You clearly don’t like her, so just end the friendship.

People aren’t mind readers.

beAsensible1 · 11/09/2025 07:02

you could take the reins and book the place?

beAsensible1 · 11/09/2025 07:03

that table deal is pretty they give you 50% of the whole bill and you have service charge everywhere you eat with table service.

BlueandPinkSwan · 11/09/2025 07:09

Why are you 'friends' with this person? If that is what friends are like I'm glad I can't be arsed with them.

ChilledProsecco · 11/09/2025 07:11

This is a thread on passive-aggressive crap, poor communication, judgement & envy.

it doesn’t even sound as if you like your friend, OP.

And this thread says way more about you than her.

LoyalKhakiWasp · 11/09/2025 07:13

Suggest meeting for coffee, lunch, or cooking at home together. If she refuses, it says more about her priorities than about your friendship.

TwistedWonder · 11/09/2025 07:17

ChilledProsecco · 11/09/2025 07:11

This is a thread on passive-aggressive crap, poor communication, judgement & envy.

it doesn’t even sound as if you like your friend, OP.

And this thread says way more about you than her.

Completely agree. Rather than use her words like an adult, the OP prefers to seethe in silence and slag her friend off to random strangers.

I don’t earn a fortune but regularly meet with friends at local pubs for food. It wouldn’t cross my mind that having a decent pub meal for £30 a head was a problem if at no point they’d spoken up. Why would anyone know there was an issue without a word being said?

The friend doesn’t sound selfish at all to me - I don’t think it’s her that’s the problem

mo25 · 11/09/2025 07:17

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:58

Thanks to those who gave good advice, I need to speak up.

People saying £30 is cheap aren’t helping.

Those whose say jealousy. I am not, just don’t see why I should have to be expected to pay the same because of her lifestyle.

Don’t go then.

CheeseWisely · 11/09/2025 07:17

For goodness sake OP she’s not forcing you to do any of this, speak up and say no!

I do agree with others that £30 isn’t an expensive meal out in the grand scheme of things these days (I don’t know where you’d eat out cheaper) but if it’s too expensive for you then you need to say no to restaurants and suggest something different.

Lovingbooks · 11/09/2025 07:26

Why are you caught up in eating out everyone has different budgets. Can’t you offer to host your friend and cook a nice meal for you both I’m sure you could do this for much less than 30 quid.

Toomanywaterbottles · 11/09/2025 07:29

Obviously you need to pay the same! The prices are set. £30 is pretty cheap for a meal out. If you can’t afford it, suggest coffee instead. But your friend should not be subbing you for the meal if that’s what you think.

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