Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Selfish friend expects me to pay high price when on low income

311 replies

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 18:56

My friend is quite selfish. She always expects to go to expensive restaurants when we meet up. She has a 38k a year job and 12k rental property income - she told me this. Her parents also paid a large chunk of the 4 bed house she lives alone and she told me this. She does not have a mortgage.

I am only on 27k. Why does she thinks it’s acceptable to expect me to pay £30 for a meal at a restaurant. The one time she had this ‘voucher’ and I still had to pay £25 for the meal.

This time round she found this ‘Table’ scheme where you pay £8 fee to get 50% off the meals. Well it’s not 50% if you have had to pay a fee. I looked at the menu and it says there is a 12.5% service charge on the menu. It’s doesn’t say it can be removed. She said it’s too late to cancel. I am seething. I feel like just getting a bowl of soup as that will end up being a reasonable price. Most meals are £30 at this place.

I am really annoyed with her. She always says she has no money but goes to a concert or gig every month and stays in a hotel which all of this costs hundreds of pounds and she goes abroad a few times a year. She isn’t poor as she can afford this and these expensive meals. I think she forgets what she tells me.

I am not jealous but she has lots of disposable income but expects me to fork out when I am not on the same income and I have to pay bills and mortgage.

OP posts:
saraclara · 11/09/2025 07:29

It sounds as though she's being the opposite of selfish. She's recognised that you can't afford the very normal and close to minimum restaurant bill, so has been trying to find deals to help you.

If it's still out of your budget, then you need to be clear and say that you can only afford to meet up for coffee and cake, out as someone's mentioned, a Wetherspoon's meal.

Bestfootforward11 · 11/09/2025 07:31

I think it’s up to your friend what she spends and it’s up to you how you spend. If she suggests something expensive just say I can’t do that but I can do x place. If she’s booked something before you finish work, just say I can’t do that time as I finish work at x. If she huffs and puffs that tells you what you need to know about her as a friend. I’ve had friends without much money to spend and I’ve also had limited means myself and we are just open and find a way to spend time together that works for us all.

MrsDoubtfire1 · 11/09/2025 07:36

How much do you need this friend and her company in your life? It sounds very much to me like a friend I once had who was actually rich and behaved like this. She would choose the most expensive thing on the menu and champers and expect me to go half. In the end I chose the cheapest thing on menu and paid in cash. She complained as she said she did not have enough dosh on her. Not my problem. When I hit hard times, she was the first to disappear! A lesson to be learned!

Catwalking · 11/09/2025 07:36

Find a different, more understanding friend to go out with?

MyDeftDuck · 11/09/2025 07:39

Time to speak up for yourself and tell this friend that you cannot afford the places she chooses and either find a more affordable venue yourself or back out of arrangements. Communicate with her, that’s the only way you will move on from this financially draining predicament.

XiCi · 11/09/2025 07:44

SirRaymondClench · 10/09/2025 19:19

It doesn't sound like you like your friend very much OP and you also seem to resent her lifestyle rather than be happy for her.

Do you think she should pay for you or something?

Perhaps you'd be better not being friends with her at all and she would be far better off not having 'friends' who post bitter threads on MN because they don't earn as much as she does.

I agree with this. You talk about your friend with such disdain. It actually sounds like she is trying to help reduce the cost for you - bringing a voucher then buying a voucher to give a larger discount. It's not her fault the restaurant added the service charge, she wouldn't have known that beforehand and a tip in a restaurant is customary anyway. She's your friend, why not just explain to her that your struggling a bit and need to go somewhere cheaper. Have you actually even looked for somewhere cheaper and made some suggestions instead of leaving it all to her? There are plenty of restaurants with mid week or early bird deals. Just book somewhere you want for your next meeting instead of moaningwhen you leave it to someone else and you dont like it.

Bikergran · 11/09/2025 07:44

Don't go. She obviously DGAF about your circumstances. Say you can't afford it. Just meet for coffee, or take her to Wetherspoons!

Zanatdy · 11/09/2025 07:45

You need to be firmer about restaurants

Bjorkdidit · 11/09/2025 07:47

cheesycheesy · 11/09/2025 04:41

Even in the “cheap” chain restaurants youre looking at least £30 per person. If you can’t afford to eat out tell her. Good luck finding cheaper.

But chain restaurants aren't cheap. They're more expensive than equivalent independents that sell better food of a similar style.

We'd never go to Pizza Express or other chain Italians, Wagamama etc because we can get better food for slightly less money in independents and that's any time or day and no need to piss about with vouchers.

Lovingbooks · 11/09/2025 07:47

I would like to know these mythical places to eat for less than 30 quid even pub food is nearer 20 quid a main now, apart from weather spoons if you are on 27k and still can’t afford to eat out either meet up less with your friend or just meet up for coffee. Really don’t get this how can you call her selfish if you have not spelt out what you can afford?

Shewasafaireh · 11/09/2025 07:51

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:58

Thanks to those who gave good advice, I need to speak up.

People saying £30 is cheap aren’t helping.

Those whose say jealousy. I am not, just don’t see why I should have to be expected to pay the same because of her lifestyle.

But you don’t “have to”? Is this woman holding you hostage to go out with her?

Wildgoat · 11/09/2025 07:57

I’m afraid I’m also struggling op. She’s a friend not a parent, you can say no , I don’t want to go, thanks anyway. Or I need to go somewhere cheaper, and you suggest the place. No one is forcing you. And that’s not high end restaurants she’s choosing.

the responsibility is one hundred percent with you here, she is not to blame as you go along with things mindlessly. And you seem really focused on how much money she has.

JetFlight · 11/09/2025 08:00

You sound so angry at your friend but why not tell her today that you have a budget and can’t afford these meals out.
She isn’t your master that you must obey. You have free will too.

Invinoveritaz · 11/09/2025 08:00

You say you’re not jealous but you do sound a bit jealous.
Just tell her ‘ no sorry - that doesn’t work for me’ .

Whomitmayconcern · 11/09/2025 08:00

JustineRobots · 10/09/2025 20:23

People saying £30 is cheap aren’t helping.

They're not saying what you want to hear, which is a different thing to being unhelpful. Saying your friend is being unreasonable for expecting you to spend £30 on a meal makes YOU the unreasonable one, because it isn’t anywhere near as expensive as you are making out. And by sniffing out a deal to get you a £60 meal at £30, she probably thinks she’s doing you a favour, when actually you’re hopping mad at having to spend that much.

You need to be upfront with her.

This!

Crikeyalmighty · 11/09/2025 08:03

Why go for meals OP? Why not just say , do you mind if we just meet for a coffee/coke/half a bitter- whatever , as I’m finding meals out too much for my budget - depends how often you do this too , if it’s every week I can see it’s too much, if it’s once every 6 weeks and can’t afford it , then I think you need to look at your overall situation

Toddlertiredp · 11/09/2025 08:03

I’m not sure if I’m misreading this but it’s not wrong for your friend to suggest meals out ect. You just say no if you can’t afford it and suggest something else if you feel like it. If she gets annoyed then so be it.

cheesycheesy · 11/09/2025 08:04

Bjorkdidit · 11/09/2025 07:47

But chain restaurants aren't cheap. They're more expensive than equivalent independents that sell better food of a similar style.

We'd never go to Pizza Express or other chain Italians, Wagamama etc because we can get better food for slightly less money in independents and that's any time or day and no need to piss about with vouchers.

Yes but op woukd struggle to find anything for much under £30. Independent or not. She needs to not eat out if she can’t afford it.

Crikeyalmighty · 11/09/2025 08:04

And yes I think you sound jealous too - she really isn’t on a fortune either

BiddyPopthe2nd · 11/09/2025 08:05

“Unfortunately, the boss has come out with an emergency he needs sorted tonight so rather than leaving early, I am going to have to stay quite late at work tonight. Sorry to have to let you down - let me organise it next time to make it up”

Then organise the next meet up at a place that suits your budget and likes.

SushiForMe · 11/09/2025 08:06

Why are you annoyed that she is taking a taxi or cancelling non-refundable hotel rooms? What does it have to do with you?
Reading between the lines, are you expecting her to pay for (part of) your meal?

30£ for a restaurant meal doesn’t seem overly extravagant. And the added service charge is also not unusual.

BigOldBlobsy · 11/09/2025 08:08

Complet · 10/09/2025 19:30

Do you arrange anything? Sounds like she’s doing all the work, trying to find a good deal, and you don’t seem to like her either?

I don’t understand why you don’t say anything, why you don’t organise nights out, and why you want to continue to meet up with her when you don’t have anything nice to say about her?

This really.
Either organise it yourself, or be clear in saying I finish at X time for work and can spend about £XX.

She sounds like she is trying to find bargains, if she doesn’t know what you can spend she may not want to assume you want a cheap cheap place as she may worry she’s insulting you!

You sound quite resentful about her and her lifestyle. It’s hard when people seem to fall into cush financial situations and you’re struggling but she’s not exactly a millionaire and flaunting it about dragging you to Michelin star places.

Starblind19 · 11/09/2025 08:10

So you don't seem to like your friend very much so why is she your friend?

She isn't forcing you to have meals you can decline an invite somewhere and say sorry friend bit low on funds how about a walk somewhere or meet for coffee. You clearly resent this person you claim to be your friend because she is more fortunate than you but that is life. Maybe you feel insecure about your financial situation but your friend isn't a mind reader so you have to be open about that.

cbbo · 11/09/2025 08:13

just tell her,
‘sorry sally, 5pm is too early I can’t meet you till 6’
’we’ll have to find some cheaper places to eat next time as this is a bit of a struggle for me. I’ll arrange next time if you like’

HoLeeFuk · 11/09/2025 08:15

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:03

Because she is tight and does not want to lose £4 each on a booking fee. I am having to finish work early as she booked the table for 5pm without asking me. Then says she is going to have to rush and get a taxi to get there. Luckily I am driving but she is just wasting £15-20 on a taxi when she could have booked later and got the bus or train and saved money too.

She doesn’t look into things. A recent concert was cancelled and was annoyed the hotel wouldn’t refund her. She eventually got her way but the hotel didn’t have to refund her. I said that was I pay extra for flex room to cancel at last minute if needed.

You're not having to do anything. You're choosing to do it and then seething with resentment.

"I can't be there at five, I don't finish work until then."
"That place is too expensive, I'll book X instead."

Don't blame your friend for your unwillingness to say no.

Swipe left for the next trending thread