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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Selfish friend expects me to pay high price when on low income

311 replies

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 18:56

My friend is quite selfish. She always expects to go to expensive restaurants when we meet up. She has a 38k a year job and 12k rental property income - she told me this. Her parents also paid a large chunk of the 4 bed house she lives alone and she told me this. She does not have a mortgage.

I am only on 27k. Why does she thinks it’s acceptable to expect me to pay £30 for a meal at a restaurant. The one time she had this ‘voucher’ and I still had to pay £25 for the meal.

This time round she found this ‘Table’ scheme where you pay £8 fee to get 50% off the meals. Well it’s not 50% if you have had to pay a fee. I looked at the menu and it says there is a 12.5% service charge on the menu. It’s doesn’t say it can be removed. She said it’s too late to cancel. I am seething. I feel like just getting a bowl of soup as that will end up being a reasonable price. Most meals are £30 at this place.

I am really annoyed with her. She always says she has no money but goes to a concert or gig every month and stays in a hotel which all of this costs hundreds of pounds and she goes abroad a few times a year. She isn’t poor as she can afford this and these expensive meals. I think she forgets what she tells me.

I am not jealous but she has lots of disposable income but expects me to fork out when I am not on the same income and I have to pay bills and mortgage.

OP posts:
Secondmentconfusion · 10/09/2025 19:46

SquaredPaper · 10/09/2025 19:13

Why so passive, OP? Just say no. Don’t finish work early. Say five is too early. She can’t ’make’ you finish work early, or have dinner anywhere you don’t want to.

This^ then she'd just have to ring up and rearrange the booking. She'd quickly learn if you start being more assertive.

I'd stop just agreeing to things until you've looked at the menu and priced it and if it's out of budget say no and suggest somewhere more reasonable

TwistedWonder · 10/09/2025 19:46

Xmasbows · 10/09/2025 19:26

Round here you’d be hard pressed to have a meal out for less than 30 quid, unless you go to McDonalds! So maybe she thinks it’s standard and doesn’t realise?

You should just say you’d rather meet up at a coffee shop or something….

Agree. A decent pub meal here costs that much.

OP - you’re not a passenger in your own life, use your voice.

muddyford · 10/09/2025 19:46

Just tell her?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 10/09/2025 19:47

Honestly girl

You sound super jealous 😭😭😭

If you cant afford the price of the restaurants you go to, tell her that you can only afford cheaper places

It sounds like you want her to treat when you go out. That isn't something that you can force her to do really. You could casually bring it up, but I think you'd just come off as being jealous

Which i think you are 😬😬

Sorry

Crikeyalmighty · 10/09/2025 19:48

She is using a scheme called something like First Table - where you pay a booking fee and do get 50% off - but it’s always 5 till 6 kind of times -

I don’t use it as I like to go somewhere later than that regardless of how cheap it might be - She may be doing you a favour OP - may be cheaper than you think

81Claire81 · 10/09/2025 19:48

30 quid isn't a lot thesedays

JustineRobots · 10/09/2025 19:49

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 10/09/2025 19:40

£30 for a meal? Unbelievably cheap !

And dinner @ 17.00 ? WTF.

I’m guessing it’s some kind of early bird special?

OP isn’t happy with eating early to get a 50% discount (or whatever it works out at once she’s paid the £4). But given she still isn’t happy with the price, she’s unlikely to want to eat later anyway. I wonder what would satisfy her?

LupaMoonhowl · 10/09/2025 19:49

Never understand these posts.
If want to see her, tell her where you want to go!

once1caughtafishalive · 10/09/2025 19:53

You're being completely unreasonable @Delly9

It might be very obvious to you but not to her that you can't afford it. You sound quite jealous.

You just need to be honest with her and suggest somewhere you can afford? These days those prices you've quoted aren't a lot.

Mustbethat · 10/09/2025 19:53

JifNtGif · 10/09/2025 19:30

I mean for me, £30 in a restaurant is for a few cocktails before dinner, if you look at the average UK income, £30 for dinner is nothing. As you are on an ultra-low income you need to be very clear with your friend that you simply can't afford eating out. Perhaps go for a coffee and cake instead ?

27k isn’t an “ultra low” income!

one person, no kids, can live quite comfortably. There’s many supporting families on not much more!

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/09/2025 19:54

I can’t understand this at all. Do you like her and enjoy her company? If so that’s not coming across.

If she tries to make a plan you don’t fancy just say no thanks. Why do you have to eat out? Take turns cooking. If this 5pm plan doesn’t suit then cancel. Tell her you can’t afford it, can’t leave work early and will see her another time.

Learn to use your voice. Learn to be honest! It gets easier the more you do it.

CopperWhite · 10/09/2025 19:54

Next time, you suggest the time, place and activity you do when you meet up. You sound irrationally annoyed with someone who just wants to see you and enjoy your company over dinner. you cannot expect her to read your mind and know your income and expenses don’t allow you to eat out.

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:58

Thanks to those who gave good advice, I need to speak up.

People saying £30 is cheap aren’t helping.

Those whose say jealousy. I am not, just don’t see why I should have to be expected to pay the same because of her lifestyle.

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 10/09/2025 19:59

£30 a head isn’t particularly expensive for a restaurant meal. A single pizza in somewhere basic like Pizza Express where I live (a northern city) is £15 to £19, so you’d only need to add a starter and a drink to that and you’d be up to £30 easily at what most people would consider a pretty ordinary restaurant. If restaurants are difficult for you to afford, then suggest meeting for a drink or a coffee or something instead. I don’t think your friend is being selfish - if you don’t tell her you can’t afford £30, she isn’t going to know that. She doesn’t know what your bank balance or what you consider a reasonable use of your money unless you just tell her.

However, I really don’t know why you’re socialising with her at all when it’s really obvious that you dislike her. You’ve called her selfish and tight and you seem to really resent her in general, so why are you still hanging out with her? You don’t actually like her.

Tunacheesequesadilla · 10/09/2025 20:00

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:58

Thanks to those who gave good advice, I need to speak up.

People saying £30 is cheap aren’t helping.

Those whose say jealousy. I am not, just don’t see why I should have to be expected to pay the same because of her lifestyle.

Have you actually suggested cheaper restaurants? How would she know otherwise?

£30 is pretty standard, honestly.

BrownieBlondie01 · 10/09/2025 20:08

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:58

Thanks to those who gave good advice, I need to speak up.

People saying £30 is cheap aren’t helping.

Those whose say jealousy. I am not, just don’t see why I should have to be expected to pay the same because of her lifestyle.

I don't think most are saying it's cheap, just that it's not really above average anymore? Even your most basic highstreet places like Pizza Express could cost this much now, depending on what was ordered.

You're referring to your friend's"lifestyle" as if she's super flash and out of touch, and I guess some of us are just trying to show that she's not.

I'm not too sure where you could go for a dinner that would be far under that mark.

JustineRobots · 10/09/2025 20:23

People saying £30 is cheap aren’t helping.

They're not saying what you want to hear, which is a different thing to being unhelpful. Saying your friend is being unreasonable for expecting you to spend £30 on a meal makes YOU the unreasonable one, because it isn’t anywhere near as expensive as you are making out. And by sniffing out a deal to get you a £60 meal at £30, she probably thinks she’s doing you a favour, when actually you’re hopping mad at having to spend that much.

You need to be upfront with her.

dontmalbeconme · 10/09/2025 20:23

£30 pp is pretty standard for one course and a couple of glasses of wine. Its positively cheap if you're also adding in starters and/or desserts.

She's deliberately booking these early bird type offers at 5pm to save money.

If you can't afford to go out for dinner, don't agree to go out for dinner, it's that simple.

Do you think you should get a free dinner paid for by her because she earns more than you? If so, you're a CF

Danikm151 · 10/09/2025 20:32

“That’s out of my budget”

make this your mantra!

rookiemere · 10/09/2025 20:37

You don’t sound as if you like her very much.
I would refuse to go if the time or venue doesn’t suit. If you genuinely do want to see her, tell her you will pick the venue with your own budget in mind.

childofthe607080s · 10/09/2025 20:44

You just have to say that you can’t afford it

Grimandbearit · 10/09/2025 20:44

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:58

Thanks to those who gave good advice, I need to speak up.

People saying £30 is cheap aren’t helping.

Those whose say jealousy. I am not, just don’t see why I should have to be expected to pay the same because of her lifestyle.

Is it that you don’t want to admit to your wealthy friend that tou can’t afford these meals?
Can you offer an alternative place or offer to cook at your home?

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 10/09/2025 20:57

Delly9 · 10/09/2025 19:58

Thanks to those who gave good advice, I need to speak up.

People saying £30 is cheap aren’t helping.

Those whose say jealousy. I am not, just don’t see why I should have to be expected to pay the same because of her lifestyle.

Whatever do you sound like.

As if she's on some kind of veritable king's ransom to your £27k?? Neither of you are on a big wage. £30 is cheap for a meal in a restaurant. Even McDonald's is a tenner now. Where exactly are you expecting to eat a sit down restaurant meal for much less than £30?

That's the issue. Not her (who you clearly are so jealous of, you want to make this her fault) but the fact you can't afford to eat evening meals out full stop. Her being the person you go with makes zero difference to the fact you say you can't afford what is a pretty standard price.

Your expectation of a nice evening meal for under £30 is just silly. Weatherspoons or other poorly cooked cheap chain pubs are your friend. And not much else.

SummerInSun · 10/09/2025 23:28

As all PP have said, you need to tell her!!! How does she know that £30 isn’t much to her but is a lot to you if you don’t use your words. And hinting - as so many British people do instead - is not the same as telling. As PP have said, every time she suggests something you can’t afford, you say “I can’t afford that, how about we go to X / meet for a walk in the park / you come to my house / I visit your house instead”?

Enough4me · 10/09/2025 23:33

Everyone has to budget and if your budget doesn't cover meals out then you'll have to identify alternatives and invite her along, e.g. cinema, pub trips for a few drinks, takeaway indoors.