I’ve got the Ick and I don’t want to fix it

[theickisrealurgh]

It’s finally happened, my partner has given me the biggest ick that I just don’t want to be with him anymore. The sheer thought of being with him for much longer fills me with dread.

He’s paying for his daughter to have breast implants, she’s 19. I think it’s weird, and it’s made me feel sick. It’s want she wants and I get that, but something about it just doesn’t sit right with me. It might be normal to some and if it was anything else I wouldn’t be bothered but I can’t shift this feeling of discomfort. She’s a B cup.

I get on with his daughter very well, never had an issue so it’s not that. Luckily we don’t live together but we have been together for 10 years.

I don’t know how to get out of this

The reason this would feel different if it was a nose job or something similar is because a nose is on show. Everyone sees it. Breasts are an intimate body part and it feels weird for a dad to be discussing and wanting to help enlarge the breasts of his daughter. I'd have the ick too.

Having now learnt that he used that phrase "the dr is just playing with her titties" I'm a bit lost for words. He sounds like a very immature specimen and I couldn't get over that.

I will never stop being grateful that my dad helped me pay for my breast reduction surgey in my 20s.

But OP I get it. Breast implants, particularly in such a young woman is just wrong. Hell, at 19 my breasts were still growing. They reached their peak by the time I was about 22 and I had the surgey when I was 26.

@ScrollingLeavesno he’s never made any other remarks about her, which is why I’m very shocked. He’s normally just like any other dad

I really don’t think you’d say that if you’d read all of OP’s posts.

And I hate the rough time that men get on here. This is not a man hating thread at all.

I don't think you're pathetic. I have four young adults and at some point they have all wanted some "modification" but I have always tried to give them confidence and self esteem. When they got beyond the teens they realised that what they see on Social media etc is not real life, my sons are both gym bunnies and eat v healthy, which is their way of helping themselves my daughters also eat healthy and like fashion and cosmetics, hopefully that won't change, I would hate for them to have unnecessary surgery.

Has the poor girl got no other aspiration in life other than to be an “Influencer”? I think she needs help with working on her self esteem not changing her body.
His choice of language is gross
Where is the mother in all of this?

Yeah, but she’ll be getting a different message from her Dad, her Sister and her sister’s mum.

If they are a ‘primp and perfect’ family there could be loads of hidden- and surprisingly early- pressure about the importance of grooming, making the best of yourself, getting your first bra etc.

You will need to keep ahead of it.

It’s gross and unnatural and WTF is he encouraging her by funding this. His comment was disgusting to the point of unbelievable.

You can end a relationship you don’t need an excuse. You’ve realised you’ve got different values, are not compatible, you can say anything like that which is true,

If he has never talked that way before, could it possibly be his gross, gauche, immature way of dealing with an embarrassing situation?

It is horrendous though.

But then, and I’m just playing devils advocate here, genuinely… whilst a parent can refuse to fund it , is it ok to tell a woman she needs help or therapy because she wants plastic surgery? I’m not of a strong opinion either way right now and have no ‘skin in the game’ .. it’s just muddy water to me I think.

@ScrollingLeaves possibly yes, he doesn’t have a vast vocabulary and can be immature for his age (mid 40s)

It just sounds grim.
Does she need them this soon? Would having implants impact breastfeeding were she to have a baby in the future? Will she be allowed to fly?

Please tell me he is not in the appointment room with her.

I was thinking different relationships have different dynamics. I would never have talked about the size of my breasts to my dad but some relationships are more comfortable and as long as nothing coercive or illegal is going on thats fine, HOWEVER that first line has just given me the ich!

Also that aside, there is something for me personally which gives me the ich and it seems like "normal people" don't seem to think like I do. I don't know why I care so much about it but I just do and can't get passed it. So as far as having certain beliefs that you just can't compromise on I totally get it. Mine seems so out there I can't even talk to anyone about it!

I think some men do not realise how easily women can be turned off them.
Slang, innuendo, hygiene, table manners etc.

I would be appalled to hear such a thing from my husband and the repulsed Ick is exactly what it would give, even if it was remotely possible it was said innocently.

Such language is creepy, sleazy and pervert sounding.

I agree with you, that would give me the ick too.

There's something really disgustingly unnerving about his language. It's his own daughter too. It's absolutely repulsive.

No it’s misogynistic, which you’d likely realise yourself if you bothered to engage with it, rather than trot out your default dismissal of OP.

Just to clarify, this is his biological daughter?

@Climbingrosexxno I agree, they’re close just like she is with her mum which can be rare. She can come to her dad about anything which I feel is lovely.

She had spoken to both parents about this surgery and they both said that if she wants it they will pay.

@Kate8889yes it is

@theickisrealurgh

You didn't confirm, do you have a DD with him?

I don’t think I would be overly disgusted. Perturbed, for sure, but I’d assume the begged daddy and daddy caved.
But the text exchange is unbelievable. I couldn’t look at him again and it would be over for me. He’s vile.

@PennyForYourThoughtzsorry I thought I did down thread. Yes we have a DD

My friend had a breast augmentation when she was 18.
HOWEVER - she had tubular breast syndrome, her breasts were very small and what she felt was a very odd shape and it really affected her mental health.
She'd never told anyone, she used to pad her bras.
The first time she'd allowed anyone to see them was when she went to the clinic for her consultation. Her parents had no idea about her breast syndrome, and they thought she was daft for wanting it done, and wanted nothing to do with it.
They certainly wouldn't have paid for it.
When she eventually told her parents, months after her surgery, they understood why she'd had it done and were supportive of her having done it.
But I can't imagine her dad would have said anything like that in a million years. It's juvenile and nasty.

Oh careful honey. You’re gonna put your back out.