I’ve got the Ick and I don’t want to fix it

[theickisrealurgh]

It’s finally happened, my partner has given me the biggest ick that I just don’t want to be with him anymore. The sheer thought of being with him for much longer fills me with dread.

He’s paying for his daughter to have breast implants, she’s 19. I think it’s weird, and it’s made me feel sick. It’s want she wants and I get that, but something about it just doesn’t sit right with me. It might be normal to some and if it was anything else I wouldn’t be bothered but I can’t shift this feeling of discomfort. She’s a B cup.

I get on with his daughter very well, never had an issue so it’s not that. Luckily we don’t live together but we have been together for 10 years.

I don’t know how to get out of this

Again, what benefits do you think two healthy, employed homeowners with a healthy two-year old would be entitled to exactly? UC, nsJSA, nsESA, HB, CTR, SMI, PIP, CB? Come on now, you've given us a clear indication of your ignorance with your previous posts - it's time to reveal it in all its glory. 🙄

That is a pretty wild accusation! You have absolutely no proof of this whatsoever and just are trying to kick Op when she’s down and come here to ask for advice.
How on earth did you get from a couple living separately to benefit fraud? Madness!
I lived apart from my Husband for a few years and we had a child together. There were valid reasons for this, which I’m not going to go into.
So it does happen.
Just jog on and annoy someone in real life rather than being a cowardly keyboard warrior

Nasty nasty nasty ! Super gross. My friend gave his daughter some money. He then used it to have a boob job. He could've said something similar about it tbh. Some men can be a bit odd 😔 why is he going with her to the doctor ? That's titillation to the extreme. Excuse the pun!

@GirlBottle "We know only one side of this and most of you have decided he's a disgusting predator." No we haven't. We simply wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a 40-something man who uses inappropriate, juvenile, crass, ick-inducing language like "She's just got the Dr playing around with her titties".

It's clear that you want to avoid conflict, OP, but I think that you really do need to address the utter inappropriateness (at best) of his comment. He has two daughters - his vile behaviour and attitude need addressing.

Something along the lines of:

I am so shocked that you would talk about your daughter like that. It is beyond inappropriate and has genuinely repulsed and seriously concerned me.

You don't have to raise the end of your relationship t this point. It makes sense to do it in two parts. 1) Address that comment and 2) End the relationship later this week (as you've said you plan to do).

You also don't have to engage with whatever tripe he comes up with to defend himself. But a firm line needs to be drawn over his comment.

In isolation him paying for a boob job for his daughter isn’t inherently icky, it’s his actions/involvement/language about it.

if this was my dad, it would go like:
me: Dad can I have/borrow 5k?
him: what for?
me: I am deeply unhappy about my boobs and would like to get a boob job
him: right then. You know you’re perfect the way you are but if you are so unhappy that you feel you need to get surgery I’ll pay for it While handing over money

that would literally be the end of the convo and his involvement, same if it was my mum apart from asking when the operation is and if I need a lift to/from…that text is just beyond icky, would full on give me the creeps 🤢

Just told my own DH and the disgusted expression on his face said it all.

@TryingAgainAgainAgain I completely agree, and the thought of his using that language towards my DD turns my stomach also. I want to nip that in the bud now so I know I will have to say something

Yup. On the upside, having reported her four baseless accusatory posts, MN has deleted them. 😊

Good luck OP. I totally get where you're coming from. That sort of inappropriate, juvenile language about any young woman, let alone his own daughter, would also have me running for the hills!

OP's told us that the girl's DM went with her to the first appt, but couldn't make the second, so her DF had to accompany her instead.

Ewwww. This is a very deep difference in values. He doesn't want to question or address his daughters' dissatisfaction with her body or need to increase her sexual desirability, he is helping her pander to it and encouraging it too. Doesn't care about her mental health or the health risks. And that message is repulsive. Sorry OP! You're right on this one.

If she's too immature to go to the doctor without her dad/mum then she's too immature to be deciding to have cosmetic surgery

I'd put it in writing as a reply to his text, as a start. Obviously it will have to come up again, but get it put down in writing.

I really feel for you.

That would literally repulse me getting a message like that. This is his young daughter he's talking like that about. Very, very disturbing.

My aunt and uncle paid for my cousins, I thought it was a little weird but it helped her confidence

Oh I’m right there with you on the ick with this.

That would be a very strange, immature and frankly pervy way to describe a breast surgery consultation with anyone but that is his DAUGHTER….

Titties?? 🤢🤢

Ahh yeah this doesn't sit well with me either! I can't even imagine having the conversation with my dad, let alone ask him for money or him coming to the appointments with me! He would shut that conversation down quickly!
And when I was younger I did go to a consultation! No he was not involved. Dad's shouldn't want to hear about their daughters boobs 🤢

Why does an 19 year old need either parent with her?

I dont think there's anything awful about that. You must have other issues..

This. Plus boob jobs are toxic.

What he said was gross.

You said yourself his vocabulary is limited, which is a good indicator of his lack of intelligence.

It sounds to me like you’re both on completely different levels, which in the end can kill off a relationship for very obvious reasons.

The word titties is right up there with panties as 🤮

And bitty is from that creepy sketch with a man in drag breastfeeding adult son.

Eiw.

Wow that’s inappropriate. How did you first relationship end? It could be that it is your second one only so you may have overlooked a lot of red flags

How would I know? At 19 I wouldn't have needed my parents to accompany anywhere, but I'm just answering a PP's question from the info' OP's given us.