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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’ve got the Ick and I don’t want to fix it

286 replies

theickisrealurgh · 08/09/2025 15:39

It’s finally happened, my partner has given me the biggest ick that I just don’t want to be with him anymore. The sheer thought of being with him for much longer fills me with dread.

He’s paying for his daughter to have breast implants, she’s 19. I think it’s weird, and it’s made me feel sick. It’s want she wants and I get that, but something about it just doesn’t sit right with me. It might be normal to some and if it was anything else I wouldn’t be bothered but I can’t shift this feeling of discomfort. She’s a B cup.

I get on with his daughter very well, never had an issue so it’s not that. Luckily we don’t live together but we have been together for 10 years.

I don’t know how to get out of this

OP posts:
theickisrealurgh · 08/09/2025 16:04

@Poppingbyim case a poster asked 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Theseventhmagpie · 08/09/2025 16:11

“Dr playing around with her titties”
That is so grim I actually shuddered 🤮

ginasevern · 08/09/2025 16:11

"playing around with her titties"

Is that the sort of crass language he often uses OP? I really can't believe it's the first time in 10 years, unless he's suddently had a personality transplant.

KateBushAgain · 08/09/2025 16:12

He should be building her up , not supporting a narrative that she needs fixed.

theickisrealurgh · 08/09/2025 16:14

He can say randomly immature things but nothing like that and they’ll few and far between.

He’s a nice man, but I don’t think I can get past this. It makes me feel sick

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 08/09/2025 16:14

I keep typing and deleting because there are just no words!

ISpyNoPlumPie · 08/09/2025 16:19

theickisrealurgh · 08/09/2025 16:14

He can say randomly immature things but nothing like that and they’ll few and far between.

He’s a nice man, but I don’t think I can get past this. It makes me feel sick

No he’s not. You don’t have to defend him. He’s disgusting.

Lavenderandbrown · 08/09/2025 16:20

Does he know it’s likely she will
have implant failure anywhere between 10 to 20 yrs assuming no trauma to the breast area and will need new implants? And then possibly again at 60 unless she tires of them before? To me breast implants if talked about in an appropriate clinical language are not absurd for a 19 y.o if her breasts have always bothered her. The being famous/ influencer part is pretty absurd to me and I wouldn’t be encouraging that. SURELY HE IS NOT IN THE EXAM ROOM watching the doctor “play with her titties”? Now that is the ick…so instead of saying “she’s being examined by the doctor” he’s using that slang? I can see where this in addition to many other comments in the past could be the tipping point of ICK.

Menostress · 08/09/2025 16:21

Oh that is gross

Zempy · 08/09/2025 16:21

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

Coldnightsapproachingwhereismyduvet · 08/09/2025 16:21

I'd be more worried he's expecting a look at the new additions...

SummerInSun · 08/09/2025 16:24

A Brazilian friend told me that in Brazil breast implants are a common 18th birthday present from parents. Really hope that isn’t true - it’s an appalling thought!!!

Absentosaur · 08/09/2025 16:28

That text actually made my stomach churn. Oh and again as I’m thinking about it.

Like you said - not recoverable. It’s over isn’t?

MeganM3 · 08/09/2025 16:32

Yuck. Yes I’d have the ick too and remove myself

Oldglasses · 08/09/2025 16:33

theickisrealurgh · 08/09/2025 16:01

@Chobby

That is grim.

theickisrealurgh · 08/09/2025 16:36

No going back from this, I’m going to end it but I don’t know how. We have never argued as we both don’t like conflict so I don’t know how to do it and end on good terms

OP posts:
mrsh2025 · 08/09/2025 16:37

The paying for it I kind of got but second I saw message nope ick ick ick

ILoveWhales · 08/09/2025 16:38

theickisrealurgh · 08/09/2025 15:57

@Rocket1982yes she does

That's maybe why he doesn't see it as a big deal.Because her mother, his ex wife had won.

Ukkake · 08/09/2025 16:39

Rightandwrong · 08/09/2025 15:58

No it wouldn't be ok.
I would hope that any loving parent would be resolute in not funding breast surgery, or any other cosmetic surgery, for a 19 year old young woman. I hope they would be advising her against it and trying to get her help for her issues with self esteem.
But I find it very disturbing that a man is being instrumental in moulding a young woman's body.

And what if the daughter is deeply unhappy with her body and the procedure will boost her confidence and make her happy?

CrumbsInMyBra · 08/09/2025 16:39

Yeah I can see why this would give you the ick to be honest but surely there were other indicators in the relationship of him not quite being the man for you or 10 years in, is this the first ick he has given you?

whitewineandsun · 08/09/2025 16:41

theickisrealurgh · 08/09/2025 15:59

Shes just got the dr playing around with her titties

He’s just sent me that, I feel repulsed beyond repair. I know some of you will think I’m pathetic but I can’t help it

Eww!! Fucking hell. Why are some men like this?

theickisrealurgh · 08/09/2025 16:41

@CrumbsInMyBrano it’s not, it started after I had our baby. When I breastfed he would say “bitty” which I spoke to him about a couple of times. Our baby wasn’t planned but these things happen

OP posts:
Wherehaveallthegoodmengone · 08/09/2025 16:43

I struggle to actually believe that is real. But, if it is, and if my DH referred to his daughter in that manner? I too would get the ick, beyond any point of redemption. Fucking vile.

Deebee90 · 08/09/2025 16:43

I don’t see him paying for her boobs nose , teeth as anything bad. People have all sorts of insecurities and I’m sorry but if parents want to support their children and pay for them to be resolved then good for them. I’d do the same for my kids and there’s nothing wrong with having surgery. That text message however would be the end for me. That tone of it is off and frankly disgusting.

Starlight1984 · 08/09/2025 16:44

Deebee90 · 08/09/2025 16:43

I don’t see him paying for her boobs nose , teeth as anything bad. People have all sorts of insecurities and I’m sorry but if parents want to support their children and pay for them to be resolved then good for them. I’d do the same for my kids and there’s nothing wrong with having surgery. That text message however would be the end for me. That tone of it is off and frankly disgusting.

This.