I’ve got the Ick and I don’t want to fix it

[theickisrealurgh]

It’s finally happened, my partner has given me the biggest ick that I just don’t want to be with him anymore. The sheer thought of being with him for much longer fills me with dread.

He’s paying for his daughter to have breast implants, she’s 19. I think it’s weird, and it’s made me feel sick. It’s want she wants and I get that, but something about it just doesn’t sit right with me. It might be normal to some and if it was anything else I wouldn’t be bothered but I can’t shift this feeling of discomfort. She’s a B cup.

I get on with his daughter very well, never had an issue so it’s not that. Luckily we don’t live together but we have been together for 10 years.

I don’t know how to get out of this

Both parents should refuse to give money to their daughter.
The extra time it takes for her to earn the money herself gives her time to experience a lot of life and to consider fully ..
Would she ever want to breast feed?
Might her body look slightly different once she is 22 years old anyway?
19 year old needs to live with her own body and breasts for a while longer.
Dad and Mum should accept that she is an adult and should afford such luxury changes herself. It's not like she has buck teeth and can't chew properly.

Dear @theickisrealurgh
sometimes in a relationship that ick can happen and there’s no stepping back from it.
It’s not something that you should beat yourself up about. It sounds like you were heading down that path anyway and this has sped it up.
you’re still young really and have your own home and independence so you shouldnt be considering spending the rest of your life with someone who you don’t want to be with romantically at all, and haven’t for a while.
If I were you I would keep the situation with his DD and the boob job out of the conversation about your relationship. I would just say that you feel friendship for him now but you no longer want to continue any kind of romantic relationship, just explain those feelings have ebbed away. Stress there’s no one else and you just want to be friends and he can see his child he’s had with you, anytime and still spend time together as a family, but not romantically..

He maybe a bit panicked or angry or accuse you but stay calm and kind, let him talk say “i know I’m sorry I still care I just don’t want a romantic relationship with you”. Just keep calmly repeating that.
Accept he may be a bit sad for a few weeks or angry but as there’s no one else and you’re being calm and nice, he may calm down and you can be amicable.
Keep his parenting of his own DD out of it as your ick has been coming in for a while and mentioning this could inflame your split.
all the best OP xx

Aside from anything else, I'm horrified that the medical profession would allow a young woman with normal sized breats to undergo this procedure, and that her parents are paying for it and supporting it. When I was 19 I hated the size of my breasts (B), but as I got a bit older it turned into the ultimate non-issue, and now I would hate being burdened with anything bigger.

People keep advising you to apologise OP.
Don't. You've done nothing wrong.
You just want to end the relationship.
I hope your conversation goes well.

@Bearjok My exdh had an affair, and when caught abandoned his family and ended up in prison for DV. I had a restraining order on both him and his affair partner. I seem to attract idiots don’t I

Have you heard of the shark cage analogy?
We all attract predators and idiots. They constantly circle looking for prey.

We all learn skills that help us avoid them- a shark cage. Some of us have missing bars in our shark cage, generally due to some kind of childhood conditioning. Maybe we were taught to people please, or had an abusive parent so some behaviours are ‘normal’ to us.

I believe the Freedom Programme is good at identifying the wonky bars in our cage and helping us fix them.

@PrizedPickledPopcorn At this point prized, I don’t want a relationship ever again. I have never heard of the shark cage analogy before but I think I will look into it thank you

I’m afraid you probably have friends and relatives that have snuck through your shark cage, too.

And you can help your dc build nice, strong, tidy shark cages.

You sound incredibly passive

She hasn't necessarily finished growing yet. I had a growth spurt (height, not breasts) when I was twenty-one and at university.

I would try, "It seems our paths have diverged, and we aren't going in the same direction any longer. I am ending our romantic relationship, but I wish the best for you. We can work out custody, visitation after you have digested it all."