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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Laughing when I said to stop making "jokes" about me having babies

212 replies

BeeStingBlues · 01/09/2025 23:20

I am kind of reeling from this; please be kind.
I have been seeing / dating someone for about 6 months. We talk most days and whatsapp throughout the day a lot normally too. It is long-distance.
I went very quiet a couple of weeks ago; my DSIL had a very late miscarriage / stillbirth. She and my DB have been trying for ages and she keeps miscarrying. This pregnancy was the longest. We were all in shock; she was really sick as well and was in and out of A&E a few times. I sent BF a holding message a few times to say she was sick and sorry not been in touch more. Eventually I was able to phone him and explain; broke down crying as had nobody to talk to about it aside from my elderly parents who are also really upset for what DSIL and DB are going through. Have had to hide it all from my DC who luckily did not know about the pregnancy.

Today i told BF that the man in the chippie said I looked tired but he gave me some money off so not all bad (he charged me like £8.50 not £8.90). BF immediately asks who is this guy, am I going there every day, was i flirting with him? He knows I have a history of DV so I said stop this isn't funny. He said "floating" not flirting so I said I wasn't floating and tried to make light of it. He said "fuck you you know what i mean" i said it's not funny I dont like this. He said me neither you belong to me, i said I genuinely cant tell if you're joking but I really dont like it. Then he said "go with him, have a good life, many babys". Later he said something about Vikings and Denmark as he was married to a Danish woman. I said I would like to go there one day. He says "go. Stay there. Have babys with a viking". Again I cant tell if he is joking. I asked why does he keep telling me to have babies today and he just ignored this and proceeded to send me photos of his Danish ex wife, the church he was married in, his ex wife's dad, his ex wife's extended family. I just ignored these as it seemed like he wanted some sort of a response but said I thought it was really insensitive to make jokes about babies in light of all the stuff that's gone on in the family. It has been absolutely devastating; it is so horrible to see DB and DSIL and not be able to do anything. I hate it for them and any baby talk is just really upsetting at the moment. And he KNOWS this. Anyway he has just replied to my heartfelt message asking him to stop making jokes about babies with "😆😆😆"

I am just in shock he could be so mean?! Maybe i am being oversensitive but he was getting really fed up not knowing why I couldn't speak to him etc. so I felt like I owed him an explanation. Now I feel awful for betraying my brother's confidence for someone who is literally LOLing at it, or at least how I am dealing with it. I'm just totally shocked.

Is it worth replying? Quite apart from the 😆 at the request to stop making jokes about babies, it's a bit weird he has made these jokes in the first place. I only told him about chip-shop man because we'd been up all night talking. So I thought it was kind of cute this guy noticed I was tired. I really wasn't saying it to get a rise out of him. Likewise I said I want to visit Denmark because I have always wanted to go. Not because I want to get made pregnant by a viking.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 02/09/2025 23:46

BeeStingBlues · 02/09/2025 18:57

He has said he would not tolerate cheating.
He was even weird when I was going to get a tattoo done by a male tattooist and said he didn't want anyone else touching "his" body.

I just threw up a little bit in my mouth reading that.

Absolutely not op. May "love" like this never ever find me.

I agree it might be good for you to get therapy but to unpick the gaslighting and abuse this guy has been perpetrating not because you are in any way the issue.

Peacepleaselouise · 02/09/2025 23:50

BeeStingBlues · 01/09/2025 23:48

His sense of humour has always been pretty crap, yes. He made lots of jokes about DV when we first got together, till I asked him to stop. I have a facial injury from an ex and I explained why it's there and he made fists like he was going to punch me in the face till I told him to stop, repeatedly.

He was raised in an extremely abusive home, both his mum and dad were very violent towards him and his siblings and his dad was also violent to his mum. Both his parents are dead now. He talks about the most horrendous abuse like it's completely normal.

He also told me he's not violent like his father was, like he was boasting about this like it was a remarkable achievement.

This is really alarming. Get out fast @BeeStingBlues

BeeStingBlues · 02/09/2025 23:52

SunDash · 02/09/2025 23:44

Have you ever met this guy in real life? He sound immature and cruel. Just block him

Yes met him quite a few times, i think 12 or 13 times in total.

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 02/09/2025 23:53

OP, he sounds horrible, and he has been horrible for a long time - this is just the latest instalment! Please be done with him, you don't need his possessiveness or his stupid upsetting remarks. He's clearly beyond redemption.

Flinderskleepers · 03/09/2025 06:36

She's not going to block him, this is a wind up.

Kidsgotothatschool · 03/09/2025 06:46

Are you blocking him?

I fear you have no intention of doing this, you just wanted us all to agree he’s disgusting and unsafe but you’ll carry on.

It’s weird you haven’t just blocked him and got rid.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 03/09/2025 08:41

For the love of god, just stop now. Everything you say about him gets worse and worse - how much more proof do you need that he’s a total fucking pig? ‘His’ body? Jesus wept. Or are you one of those women who view this kind of psychotic, controlling possessiveness as ‘romantic’, OP?

You’ve said you think you’ll just let it fade out rather than confront him, so do that. From now. Stop communicating with him. Does he know where you live? If not, just fade out for a week or so then block him. If he does, just tell him something vague about needing to take some time to support your family and then stop responding to him. I’m not sure what else you’re hoping to gain from this thread.

MsPavlichenko · 03/09/2025 09:00

BeeStingBlues · 02/09/2025 23:52

Yes met him quite a few times, i think 12 or 13 times in total.

You’re wasting your life, and delaying your recovery continuing to give this loser headspace. End it, block him and make plans for you, that include making sure you don’t end up here again.

CuppaTea23 · 03/09/2025 09:13

It feels like everyone is giving OP a really hard time, it's not easy to just flick a switch and unpick your feelings! Just because it feels obvious from the outside, doesn't make it easy. Especially coming from a violent relationship and possibly feeling isolated and lonely. OP have you tried reaching out to some of your old friends? I think you may be surprised that some are pleased to hear from you and that you're free of the original relationship.

It really is time to end this one, I hope you can exit and not let yourself be tricked back into anything. All his charm may come out when he realises he's losing you, don't fall for it!

BeeStingBlues · 03/09/2025 13:47

Flinderskleepers · 03/09/2025 06:36

She's not going to block him, this is a wind up.

It absolutely is not a wind-up.
I wish it was... 😢 though you'd have to be a pretty sick individual to make this shit up.

OP posts:
Flinderskleepers · 03/09/2025 14:33

BeeStingBlues · 03/09/2025 13:47

It absolutely is not a wind-up.
I wish it was... 😢 though you'd have to be a pretty sick individual to make this shit up.

Leave him then! I get it sometimes it's easier as an outsider to make these suggestions, but I was always shit at leaving crap men in crap relationships and I look back and regret being a chump so much, and therefore I hate seeing it happen to other women.

Plus you said you've seen him what, like 12 times? That's not a relationship. You are 100% at the stage where you can just block him without any further conversation.

Beenwhereyouareagain · 03/09/2025 15:27

BeeStingBlues · 01/09/2025 23:48

His sense of humour has always been pretty crap, yes. He made lots of jokes about DV when we first got together, till I asked him to stop. I have a facial injury from an ex and I explained why it's there and he made fists like he was going to punch me in the face till I told him to stop, repeatedly.

He was raised in an extremely abusive home, both his mum and dad were very violent towards him and his siblings and his dad was also violent to his mum. Both his parents are dead now. He talks about the most horrendous abuse like it's completely normal.

He also told me he's not violent like his father was, like he was boasting about this like it was a remarkable achievement.

RUN from this twisted psycho! RUN NOW!!!

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