Laughing when I said to stop making "jokes" about me having babies

[BeeStingBlues]

I am kind of reeling from this; please be kind.
I have been seeing / dating someone for about 6 months. We talk most days and whatsapp throughout the day a lot normally too. It is long-distance.
I went very quiet a couple of weeks ago; my DSIL had a very late miscarriage / stillbirth. She and my DB have been trying for ages and she keeps miscarrying. This pregnancy was the longest. We were all in shock; she was really sick as well and was in and out of A&E a few times. I sent BF a holding message a few times to say she was sick and sorry not been in touch more. Eventually I was able to phone him and explain; broke down crying as had nobody to talk to about it aside from my elderly parents who are also really upset for what DSIL and DB are going through. Have had to hide it all from my DC who luckily did not know about the pregnancy.

Today i told BF that the man in the chippie said I looked tired but he gave me some money off so not all bad (he charged me like £8.50 not £8.90). BF immediately asks who is this guy, am I going there every day, was i flirting with him? He knows I have a history of DV so I said stop this isn't funny. He said "floating" not flirting so I said I wasn't floating and tried to make light of it. He said "fuck you you know what i mean" i said it's not funny I dont like this. He said me neither you belong to me, i said I genuinely cant tell if you're joking but I really dont like it. Then he said "go with him, have a good life, many babys". Later he said something about Vikings and Denmark as he was married to a Danish woman. I said I would like to go there one day. He says "go. Stay there. Have babys with a viking". Again I cant tell if he is joking. I asked why does he keep telling me to have babies today and he just ignored this and proceeded to send me photos of his Danish ex wife, the church he was married in, his ex wife's dad, his ex wife's extended family. I just ignored these as it seemed like he wanted some sort of a response but said I thought it was really insensitive to make jokes about babies in light of all the stuff that's gone on in the family. It has been absolutely devastating; it is so horrible to see DB and DSIL and not be able to do anything. I hate it for them and any baby talk is just really upsetting at the moment. And he KNOWS this. Anyway he has just replied to my heartfelt message asking him to stop making jokes about babies with "😆😆😆"

I am just in shock he could be so mean?! Maybe i am being oversensitive but he was getting really fed up not knowing why I couldn't speak to him etc. so I felt like I owed him an explanation. Now I feel awful for betraying my brother's confidence for someone who is literally LOLing at it, or at least how I am dealing with it. I'm just totally shocked.

Is it worth replying? Quite apart from the 😆 at the request to stop making jokes about babies, it's a bit weird he has made these jokes in the first place. I only told him about chip-shop man because we'd been up all night talking. So I thought it was kind of cute this guy noticed I was tired. I really wasn't saying it to get a rise out of him. Likewise I said I want to visit Denmark because I have always wanted to go. Not because I want to get made pregnant by a viking.

Do you need to be told by a bunch of strangers he is an abusive prick?

He wasn’t joking about the guy in the chippy - he was accusing you of flirting.
He was deliberately trying to upset you by making comments about babies: he carried on doing this when he realised it was working.
He sent laughing emojis when you expressed that you were upset because he was being cruel, not because he was joking.

He wasn’t joking when you explained your past DV and facial injury and he made fists. The fact that you had to tell him to stop “repeatedly” is additionally frightening. He was trying to use your past experiences to intimidate you, on purpose.

Sending photos of his ex-wife is unhinged.
Saying “you belong to me” is a red flag, and isn’t normal.
Telling you he’s “not violent like his father was” is another red flag. Non-violent men don’t generally feel the need to announce that they’re not violent.

You haven’t overreacted. You’ve minimised his behaviour, excused outright cruelty and threats as “jokes”, absolutely under-reacted, and I’m worried that you’re going to continue seeing a man who’s showing clear signs of being dangerous. Most women I know, myself included, would have cut him off entirely after the ‘making fists’ incident - that’s a normal, proportionate reaction, not an overreaction.

You need to block this guy immediately and never see him again. This isn’t some kind of translation issue, he’s not being a cunt by accident, and none of these ‘jokes’ are jokes; he’s showing all the signs of a man who isn’t safe to be around.

Surely he isn't still your boyfriend?

Psycho

Run girl x

You need to end the relationship completely so that he isn't a 'partner' or a 'boyfriend'. He is unkind, utterly insensitive and his sense of humour is inappropriate and absolutely not funny.

Hate the ‘ick’ phrase but you should really have it massively by now.

He’s an absolute nutcase. Get out now before he has anything to do with your children!

He sounds very strange and not worth bothering with

And you can dump him for any reason you want.

None of this is normal.

None of this sounds nice.

Ignoring anything to do with your Sil I would be exiting the relationship.

This guy sounds wrong in the head - angry jealous and unhinged are a bad combo.

Ruuuuuuun!

Have you done the freedom programme?
If not I recommend it. Do not date again once youve left him until you have.

Goodness me. I’m shocked that you think you have overreacted.

He sounds absolutely horrible.

OP have you done the freedom programme- you need to and it will help you see abusers - like this man - more clearly.

Good job it’s only been 6 months and you don’t see him that often - easy to get shot of him. At best he’s extremely immature and that alone would give me the ick - how embarrassing for him. Sorry about your sister, that’s tough.

Oh come on OP. Why are you posting this whiteout getting rid. aside from the babies comment, he is weird, jealous and irrational and being extremely insensitive to your family loss.

you should send a break up text and BLOCK HIM. DELETE HIS NUMBER.

in your time of need and grief he is picking fights and taking the piss. You need to be alone and take some time for yourself and self growth because no way should you be doubting that this is an immediate chucking.

please for the love of god. The behaviour women are putting up with on here is so infuriating.

He made jokes about DV when you first got together and you're still fucking seeing him?!

Ladies please stop telling men you’ve just started dating about your DV backgrounds. It’s making you vulnerable to losers who are looking to do it again.

He’s an abusive prick.
Any man who jokes about DV is dangerous imo.

Honestly, you need to work on yourself and what you will accept in a relationship. Reading this the red flags are endless, you have only in a relationship with this idiot for 6 months and you are on here asking this. It should be an immediate block and move on. You have been abused before and need to work on yourself before allowing yourself to be abused again by men who have shown themselves to be unworthy. Think of your children please.

He’s horrendous why on earth would you go anywhere near someone like this.

Keep well away from him.

Run….dump him, he’s not for you. If after 6 months he’s already acting like this, how will he be after a year….18 months….2 years?

Wow. I mean, how did you even need to ask the question??

Block. Delete. Everywhere.

OP he sounds like he is just really, really horrible to you. Why would you stay with him? Get rid.

Ergo he will be violent to you no doubt. Please don't entertain this cretin any longer. He is seeing how far he can push you, and you are STILL THERE. I'm guessing he would have hit you if you had mentioned chip man in front of him

LTB

Well you know now that when something awful happens he will have the emotional intelligence of a bin-weevil OP.

This is not a keeper. Put him in the bin.
You were upset at something really awful and sad and his response is to laugh at it and be a general cunt to you.
When someone tells you who they are, listen.

Having read your subsequent posts about him raising his fists at you after you told him about your DV past please get shot of him now, he will become violent towards you one day.

Please just get rid of this man and do the Freedom programme.

God OP, this guy is waving handfuls of red flags right in your face. Im surprised you can see anything for all the red flags.

Controlling
Degrading
Disrespectful
Possessive
Jealous
Paranoid

Just some of the blatant obvious red flags he's flapping around.

Just ditch him. He will bring nothing but stress and unhappiness to your life.

Op I mean this kindly , you are not ready to date. You have overlooked major red flags already after being in a previous abusive relationship. I wouldn’t call what you have with this man a relationship but it’s certainly abusive .