Laughing when I said to stop making "jokes" about me having babies

[BeeStingBlues]

I am kind of reeling from this; please be kind.
I have been seeing / dating someone for about 6 months. We talk most days and whatsapp throughout the day a lot normally too. It is long-distance.
I went very quiet a couple of weeks ago; my DSIL had a very late miscarriage / stillbirth. She and my DB have been trying for ages and she keeps miscarrying. This pregnancy was the longest. We were all in shock; she was really sick as well and was in and out of A&E a few times. I sent BF a holding message a few times to say she was sick and sorry not been in touch more. Eventually I was able to phone him and explain; broke down crying as had nobody to talk to about it aside from my elderly parents who are also really upset for what DSIL and DB are going through. Have had to hide it all from my DC who luckily did not know about the pregnancy.

Today i told BF that the man in the chippie said I looked tired but he gave me some money off so not all bad (he charged me like £8.50 not £8.90). BF immediately asks who is this guy, am I going there every day, was i flirting with him? He knows I have a history of DV so I said stop this isn't funny. He said "floating" not flirting so I said I wasn't floating and tried to make light of it. He said "fuck you you know what i mean" i said it's not funny I dont like this. He said me neither you belong to me, i said I genuinely cant tell if you're joking but I really dont like it. Then he said "go with him, have a good life, many babys". Later he said something about Vikings and Denmark as he was married to a Danish woman. I said I would like to go there one day. He says "go. Stay there. Have babys with a viking". Again I cant tell if he is joking. I asked why does he keep telling me to have babies today and he just ignored this and proceeded to send me photos of his Danish ex wife, the church he was married in, his ex wife's dad, his ex wife's extended family. I just ignored these as it seemed like he wanted some sort of a response but said I thought it was really insensitive to make jokes about babies in light of all the stuff that's gone on in the family. It has been absolutely devastating; it is so horrible to see DB and DSIL and not be able to do anything. I hate it for them and any baby talk is just really upsetting at the moment. And he KNOWS this. Anyway he has just replied to my heartfelt message asking him to stop making jokes about babies with "😆😆😆"

I am just in shock he could be so mean?! Maybe i am being oversensitive but he was getting really fed up not knowing why I couldn't speak to him etc. so I felt like I owed him an explanation. Now I feel awful for betraying my brother's confidence for someone who is literally LOLing at it, or at least how I am dealing with it. I'm just totally shocked.

Is it worth replying? Quite apart from the 😆 at the request to stop making jokes about babies, it's a bit weird he has made these jokes in the first place. I only told him about chip-shop man because we'd been up all night talking. So I thought it was kind of cute this guy noticed I was tired. I really wasn't saying it to get a rise out of him. Likewise I said I want to visit Denmark because I have always wanted to go. Not because I want to get made pregnant by a viking.

Look @BeeStingBlues , it's really concerning that you can't recognise such an obviously nasty and possibly dangerous man. Read your posts back. Can't you see it? You're still wondering if you're overreacting or being too sensitive. You're under-reacting.

Please, find your self esteem and your sense of danger, and get rid of this horrible man. Possibly the worst thing you've posted that he's done was actually making fists in response to you telling him about your serious DV injury, and not stopping until you told him REPEATEDLY.

He's a vicious man who's having fun toying with you in the most cruel ways. Please, please get away from him.

6 months is nothing, compared to years and years God forbid the rest of your life of being with some twat. I mean... sounds like he was jealous that a man I'm a chip shop was kind to you?

Just personally, I've had my children now. If I were to split from their father, I really can't imagine putting up with someone else's nonsense. I'd have myself someone nearby, to take me out and have good sex with, then go home to my own, nice, tidy space and see them the following weekend. I know everyone is different. But honestly I don't see what you get from the relationship, unless he has some hidden qualities which aren't evident from the post.

Don't say anything more and block him.

First post nails it as usual, but so too do all the ones following. Make sure you're safe from him; has he been to your house?

Even without the sick baby jokes, the reference to you belonging to him would ring alarm bells with me. Get him out of your life.

*His sense of humour has always been pretty crap, yes. He made lots of jokes about DV when we first got together, till I asked him to stop. I have a facial injury from an ex and I explained why it's there and he made fists like he was going to punch me in the face till I told him to stop, repeatedly.

Accidental hit post, I meant to copy this quote with a clearly you should bin the whole man immediately. He’s not teachable op, he’s a loss.

For god's sake love. Have some self respect. This piece of shit does not deserve you.

Stop making excuses for him. Everyone is pointing out red flags. Tell him it's over, then block him everywhere, for your own well being sanity and safety i think. Good luck

Oh my goodness. Run, now. He sounds awful. You've obviously already been through so much, so please don't spend another moment with this creep. And I'm sorry for your family's loss.

His wife saw sense and finished the relationship
I suggest you do the same as soon as possible
He sounds fucking deranged

Respectfully, what the fuck are you thinking? Get rid of him immediately and get yourself into therapy pronto.

You’re better off marrying a viking

What exactly are you getting from your relationship with this prince of a guy

Delete him, block him. Hes a horrible person

Having English as a second language is no excuse: my dad had English as a second language. He came to the UK after the war with no English and learned the language whilst working in Scottish coalmines.

My mum had three miscarriages. She really suffered. With the last one, she'd been taken to hospital for bed rest, but she still lost the baby. I was a teenager before I knew about the miscarriages. The pregnancies were kept from me as a child, for fear of upsetting me if things went wrong.

One of dad's friends had come to our flat to pick dad up for some event. Not knowing about the miscarriages, he started moaning (in front of me) about the fact that his wife had refused to have more than one child. Then he told my mum that she shouldn't leave me as an only child. I can't remember how old I was - maybe about 11.

Mum got flustered, turned bright red and said "I'm not to blame...I wanted more..."

Dad was getting changed in the next room. He hauled on his clothes and came charging through to the living room. "Don't you DARE speak to my wife like that again!"

The friend didn't utter another word.

Jesus Christ, run for the hills!

I suspect you have become v desensitised to what is normal after living with DV. You've got out of one shit relationship don't get into another one. Better to be single and work on your self esteem than stay with this dangerous dickhead.

I do hope you listen to what people are saying as this man is horrific. It’s worrying though that you can’t see that

What a throughly unpleasant and peculiar person. He actually sounds quite mad. Stop all contact as soon as possible.

Get yer sen back to the chippy lass and get flirting because this other guy you’ve been entertaining sounds like a bloody maniac. That’s 6 months of your life you’ll never get back, wasted on his horrible, teenage behaviour. Tell him to keep his childish, controlling comments to himself.

Tell him you’re going back to the chippy for extra scraps and mushy peas then move away and look for a healthy relationship. I’m sorry he had an abusive childhood but you’re not there to rescue him.

Well he’s not out there posting on forums about his concerns about your relationship. He doesn’t care. Doesn’t even like you. Why are you flogging this dead horse?

OP, for crying out loud, what does this man have to do for you to block him and end the relationship? He doesn’t respect you - “He said "fuck you you know what i mean" - he thinks you belong to him, and that this gives him rights to be unreasonable about an exchange in the fish and chip shop; he’s been utterly insensitive over your DSil’s miscarriage, and he makes jokes about DV which he knows you’ve previously been a victim of. He’s clearly unhinged, sending you photos of his previous wife and her family. His own background is very worrying - a man who sees it as an “achievement” that he’s not violent (while “joke” threatening violence - it really isn’t a joking matter) - isn’t someone I’d choose for myself or anyone I knew to spend time with. OP, you’re worth so much more than this - he isn’t a keeper. Time to move on, block and get rid.

He has all the hallmarks of an abuser.
He is currently deliberately eroding your boundaries and asserting his control. See how you question if this is ok or not. He is a dangerous idiot and you might need some support to get rid of him. But you need to get rid.

I’m sorry but he does sound controlling and like he was annoyed he wasn’t the centre of your attention for a while.
Dont doubt yourself and your reaction to his insensitivity. He is responsible for the way he made you feel. He is an idiot and you deserve better

Hes horrible OP. Please look for some counselling to help you trust your own responses.
Sorry about your SIL and DB, that is very sad.

You know how to pick them don't you OP? Why on earth would you carry on seeing someone who "jokingly" pretended to punch you after you told them about the mark on your face.And has carried on in the same vein showing no sympathy for you?