Laughing when I said to stop making "jokes" about me having babies

[BeeStingBlues]

I am kind of reeling from this; please be kind.
I have been seeing / dating someone for about 6 months. We talk most days and whatsapp throughout the day a lot normally too. It is long-distance.
I went very quiet a couple of weeks ago; my DSIL had a very late miscarriage / stillbirth. She and my DB have been trying for ages and she keeps miscarrying. This pregnancy was the longest. We were all in shock; she was really sick as well and was in and out of A&E a few times. I sent BF a holding message a few times to say she was sick and sorry not been in touch more. Eventually I was able to phone him and explain; broke down crying as had nobody to talk to about it aside from my elderly parents who are also really upset for what DSIL and DB are going through. Have had to hide it all from my DC who luckily did not know about the pregnancy.

Today i told BF that the man in the chippie said I looked tired but he gave me some money off so not all bad (he charged me like £8.50 not £8.90). BF immediately asks who is this guy, am I going there every day, was i flirting with him? He knows I have a history of DV so I said stop this isn't funny. He said "floating" not flirting so I said I wasn't floating and tried to make light of it. He said "fuck you you know what i mean" i said it's not funny I dont like this. He said me neither you belong to me, i said I genuinely cant tell if you're joking but I really dont like it. Then he said "go with him, have a good life, many babys". Later he said something about Vikings and Denmark as he was married to a Danish woman. I said I would like to go there one day. He says "go. Stay there. Have babys with a viking". Again I cant tell if he is joking. I asked why does he keep telling me to have babies today and he just ignored this and proceeded to send me photos of his Danish ex wife, the church he was married in, his ex wife's dad, his ex wife's extended family. I just ignored these as it seemed like he wanted some sort of a response but said I thought it was really insensitive to make jokes about babies in light of all the stuff that's gone on in the family. It has been absolutely devastating; it is so horrible to see DB and DSIL and not be able to do anything. I hate it for them and any baby talk is just really upsetting at the moment. And he KNOWS this. Anyway he has just replied to my heartfelt message asking him to stop making jokes about babies with "😆😆😆"

I am just in shock he could be so mean?! Maybe i am being oversensitive but he was getting really fed up not knowing why I couldn't speak to him etc. so I felt like I owed him an explanation. Now I feel awful for betraying my brother's confidence for someone who is literally LOLing at it, or at least how I am dealing with it. I'm just totally shocked.

Is it worth replying? Quite apart from the 😆 at the request to stop making jokes about babies, it's a bit weird he has made these jokes in the first place. I only told him about chip-shop man because we'd been up all night talking. So I thought it was kind of cute this guy noticed I was tired. I really wasn't saying it to get a rise out of him. Likewise I said I want to visit Denmark because I have always wanted to go. Not because I want to get made pregnant by a viking.

You are not obligated to be in a relationship with him or anyone else. You are free to leave at any point you choose.

he sounds like a complete tosser.

You should have dumped him at the beginning when he did the fists 'joke' OP. There are so many red flags here - the 'jokes' about DV, him 'joking' about you having babies when your family has had this devastating loss, laughing about it when challenged, sending you lots of pictures of his ex and her family, saying you belong to him.

Hes showing you who he is. Fortunately it's only been six months. Please end it now before you get sucked any further into another abusive relationship because I've absolutely no doubt that's what it would be.

I'm so sorry for the loss your family has experienced.

Get out now

I'm astounded that you haven't dumped him already.

You confided in him about two really serious, distressing things in your life (DV and your poor SIL's baby loss) and both times his reaction was to mock you with cruel jokes about those very things. Not just a misjudged clumsy comment but repeating the same "jokes" over and over despite you communicating that you found them hurtful and alarming.

It sounds like a form of negging - being deliberately cruel to "put you in your place". I wonder if he's also letting you know that you do never get any emotional support from him so you should shut up and be sunny and fun for him at all times.

So he is:
Cruel
Unfunny
Jealous
Paranoid
Emotionally Unintelligent
Sexist
Unkind

I need not go on ...

This man is enjoying your pain. That makes him sadistic along with all his other red flags. Why do you like yourself so little that you accept this?

You haven't told us a single redeeming quality that he has, just that he's a sadistic, possessive loser who thinks violence is no big deal and 'jokingly' threatens to punch you. Honestly, he sounds like a serial killer to me. I would have dumped him 6 months ago at the first sign of this abuse. Please finish with him and block him and never see him again, I'm worried for you and your children.

You've only been seeing him since March.. Dump and block him now. He will be no loss.

And get this. Who he is now is always how he will be. You will never, ever change him.

I feel like I want to give you a big hug, it must be so hard to read these replies. You posted check ing if you were overreacting and I hope you can see that all these replies emphatic that you're under reacting mean that this is not a remotely healthy relationship for you to be in. Please don't make excuses about his second language, or that he's not really a boyfriend, he's in your life and it's toxic. His behaviour is VERY clearly not ok.

Your poor brother and SIL too, that's so sad.

Aside from all the rest of it, if anyone told me ‘fuck you’, I would be off. I don’t know anyone who would seriously talk to anyone like that.

OP, you are underreacting!

The only sensible thing here is to cut all contact immediately. Today. Right now.

This man is controlling and abusive OP.

You say your last relationship was one that involved DV. Please, do the Freedom Programme and start seeing men like your ex and your current partner for what they are. https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

@BeeStingBlues disgusting madness !!!!
Please tell this man it’s over and mean it . Tell him never to call txt of come near you again . Then block and delete.
Massive abuser warnings is what he is sending you .
A narcissist can’t stand it when anything in life isn’t about them . He does NOT care about you .

It’s very worrying that you can’t see this nasty man for what he is .
I suggest you still single and do some counseling op.

Let us know how you get on and what you decide to do .

I have a facial injury from an ex and I explained why it's there and he made fists like he was going to punch me in the face till I told him to stop, repeatedly.

Ok. If you meet a man and he does this, you exit the situation immediately, and you do not see him again. You do not continue to see him and expect him to become a different person. He is an abusive peice of shit. He will continue to be an abusive peice of shit. You need to work really really hard on being able to identify one when you see one.

Your self esteem is in need of some serious work - a bloke that works in a chippy telling you that you look tired isn't cute. Until you can work out what is lacking for you emotionally that you're looking to men to fill the hole with their attention of any type, then you are wide open to it. Engage with a therapist that is experienced with DV and commit to equipping yourself so you don't end up with another of these maniacs. They are out there, and they are looking for emotionally vulnerable people to latch on to.

As for the current one, delete him, block him, don't ever give him the time of day again, he is a a disgrace of a man.

Wow what a cunt. Seriously, block and forget he existed.

You have gone from one DV relationship to another, OP, and it's a bit scary that you can't see it!

Please leave him immediately and then take some time to support yourself - I was about to suggest The Freedom Programme too.

I hope your listening to people's advice op.
Otherwise more fool you .
Bin him off now.

He made lots of jokes about DV when we first got together, till I asked him to stop. I have a facial injury from an ex and I explained why it's there and he made fists like he was going to punch me in the face till I told him to stop, repeatedly.

He did this and you continued to see him? Fucking hell OP. Abusive childhood or not, he’s a total piece of shit.

You’ve obviously been in one horrible, traumatic relationship - don’t fool yourself that this man is any better just because he hasn’t punched you in the face yet. He taunts you, swears at you, implies that he owns you, and is more concerned about whether you’ve ’flirted’ to get 40p off chips than offering kindness or support at a time when you desperately need it. What purpose does he serve in your life other than to upset you?

Please take the advice everyone is giving. You need to take a break from these shitty men and do some reading about healthy boundaries and relationships, because you deserve much, much better than this.

He's batshit crazy and vile. Stay away!! Protect your children.

Every update gets worse op, making fun of DV, showing fists to you in light of a previous injury due to DV, is absolutely horrendous and inhuman.

I don't know what you're getting out of a relationship with him, you deserve better.

For future reference, any time you can't tell if someone is "joking" or being serious and you have to repeatedly ask them to stop: RED FLAG ALERT. Run.

Ditch him. He is controlling, insensitive and will be abusive.

He said me neither you belong to me
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

He's a very damaged person. He clearly had an appalling upbringing and I'm sorry for him for that. I genuinely hope he gets help and support and can make a better life.

But that isn't your responsibility. He is already abusing you and he will get worse.
Get out.

OP, this is not an emotionally safe or healthy relationship.

Men do not have to hit you to abuse you.

Please do not doubt your reaction to his horrible behaviour. Rescue yourself NOW.

Did you have any counselling or any support such as The Freedom Programme after you left your violent ex?

I have read all the overnight messages thank you

He has messaged me again saying

"Was not my intention. But I really 🤔 don't understand so much
If you are really sensitive about some things..."

Not really an actual apology. I don't think I am being "really sensitive" about the pregnancy jokes at all. It is really like he thought one week of being sad would make me get over it all.

Oh OP…

I don't know why you are still thinking about this, trying to justify his behaviour. Please block and delete now, even a grovelling apology from would not be enough