Partner won’t tell the children about me

[Quackduck]

I am looking for advice;
Partner has 2 children from a previous relationship both in their teens.

Access has been granted through court for visiting 1 evening mid week and staying on weekends - this is very new and was not agreed until recently.

Me and partner lived together for ~2 years, until recently as partner doesn’t want to tell the children about me. I moved to be with partner so I dont have a support network near me, no friends, no family, not without a 2-3 hour drive.

As the children will be coming to the house, partner advised, I would have to return to my parents every weekend and find something to do mid week when they come over. I have said this is not an acceptable solution for me and it is completely unfair on me, not to mention the cost of petrol in doing this.

My week would look like being in our house Monday - Tuesday, Wednesday AM & Late PM only, Thursday, Friday AM only, back to my parents every Friday after work, return Sunday PM after the children have been dropped off.

I moved out, now I’m potentially going to lose my job as I simply cannot commute 4 hours a day, I am also weeks from completing a degree but it is funded through work and I cannot get the funding if I am not living within the county.

I asked partner how long they expect me to do this for, they said they don’t know and want to build a relationship back with their children. I asked if it would be weeks, months or years, Partner said they cannot put a time frame on it.

Partner said they do not have any other solutions apart from the suggested one above but I bring a bag of clothes for the week so I can continue my job, yet do not want to break up and know this is not fair on me.

I do not have an issue with my partner seeing the children, or being active in their lives, partner said that it is not fair to be made to choose between me or the children, I said I am not making you choose but I am making the choice to move out.

Am I really being unreasonable?

Is this something you’d expect your new partner to do if you had children?

Does anyone have an alternative solutions to this?

Or do I accept it will not be resolved, lose my job and start over again?

I don’t have children but I thought people on here may have had a similar experience or asked their new partner to do a similar thing.

Oh love. I really feel for you.

The fact of the matter is that you are not homeless. Not even on some nights. Ring Shelter and have a chat, if you don't believe us.

You have a home. He isn't allowed to tell you that you can't access it on certain days or under certain conditions. By not allowed I mean there is no legal basis. If you were to simply drive to your house, park up and walk in, there would be nothing he would be allowed to do about it.

I appreciate that you are worried about domestic violence if you don't appease him. I'm just trying to explain, that nobody is going to agree with you that you are homeless. Shelter, etc will all tell you to go to your home, and if somebody threatens you, to call the police.

You're with a man whose relationship with his own children collapsed so badly his elder child doesn't want anything to do with him and tried an overdose.

Trying to repair and rebuild a relationship is a good motive. But -

He is refusing to tell them about you and insisted you have to get out. This is emotional abuse.

This man is 'physically' not allowing you into your own home - what exactly does that mean? Do you mean he literally threw you out? Threatened you with violence if you didn't comply? This is physical abuse.

And this is the house you co own and he's depriving you of it. This is financial abuse.

I wonder - do you know his ex? Is there any way you can get in touch and find out more about him and why this all happened with them?

Recognising domestic abuse:

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/recognising-domestic-abuse/

As the Op hasn't said if she is a woman or not, when asked earlier if she is a man in a gay relationship, maybe stop suggesting Womans' Aid ?

There must be other domestic abuse help around. here are a couple I found via Google:

Respect - The Men’s Advice Line is here for all male victims of domestic abuse and those supporting them. Anyone who feels this is the right service for them is welcome to get in touch, including trans and non-binary people.
Freephone tel:0808 8010327 0808 8010327

mankind.org.uk/

Helping men escape domestic abuse

Male Victims of Domestic Abuse – Please call our confidential helpline open Monday – Friday 10am to 4pm (excluding bank holidays)
FREEPHONE tel:%200808%20800%201170 0808 800 1170
(will not show on your bills)
HELPLINE tel:%2001823%20334%20244 01823 334 244
(for those with inclusive minutes)

Our confidential helpline is available for male victims of domestic abuse and domestic violence across the UK as well as their friends, family, neighbours,
work colleagues and employers.

and this one can offer help with accommodation:

IDAS is the largest specialist charity in Yorkshire supporting people affected by domestic abuse and sexual violence.

If you are a man who is a victim or survivor of domestic abuse you can access all our services which includes our confidential helpline run by highly trained and experienced practitioners for advice, signposting and safety planning, or longer-term support with our specialist domestic abuse practitioners. We provide both emotional and practical support, including help related to housing or navigating the criminal justice system. We can also help you to access specialist support around welfare benefits, counselling or other support services.
If you are man fleeing abuse, we can offer safe accommodation in one of our dispersed properties or support you to find alternative safe accommodation.
If you are a man who is or has experienced sexual violence in a heterosexual or same sex relationship or from someone you are not in a relationship with, you can get further information from our sexual violence website.

Get in touch
tel:03000110110 03000 110 110 (North Yorkshire and Barnsley)
tel:08088082241 0808 808 2241 (Sheffield)
tel:0802000247 0808 2000 247 (National 24 hours helpline)
[email protected]

Lol at calling her “she” and then in the same sentence telling people off for assuming she’s a woman. I doubt OP is male because she would have said so. And a male is much easier to pass off as a housemate and there would be no need to hide clothes and belongings either.