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Original poster

Would you let your DH socialise with topless work colleague on beach?

227 replies

YehaaYessir · 30/08/2025 20:07

So me and DH have recently moved to France for his work. He seems to be enjoying his work and the other day he messaged me to say he was going to the beach after work with some friends from work and asked if I wanted to come too.
When I got there there was only him and two girls and one of them was topless! I felt really uncomfortable as she wasn't just sunbathing either, she was getting up and walking around topless too, she was also speaking to my husband in French (which he speaks but I don't) which I found uncomfortable.
We had a massive row about it when we got home, he says I'm making a drama out of nothing and am being unreasonable.
So my question is, would you be happy if your DH was socialising with a topless attractive French girl ( (with big boobs for perspective if it matters).?

OP posts:
Gloriia · 30/08/2025 20:13

I'd be more bothered about them excluding you by speaking French, thats really crap. At least he invited you so wasn't up to anything dodgy but it does seem odd for her to be topless with a work colleague.

We'll be told it's us uptight prudish Brits any minute as everyone is topless or nude in Europe apparently in various spas/saunas etc.

dontcomeatme · 30/08/2025 20:15

It's pretty common in countries other than the UK to be topless. I think you felt uncomfortable as its not the "norm" for you. But if it was a group outing I highly doubt she got them out just for your DH, and he didn't seem phased by it. I would think wow how brave, and then move on.

Shayisgreat · 30/08/2025 20:18

How much choice does he have about whether his colleague goes topless at the beach though?

Sure, he could have left but perhaps he doesn't consider being topless at the beach to be particularly unusual or noteworthy and perhaps he didn't want to miss out on socialising.

I'd probably be a bit uncomfortable being at the beach with someone topless so I get where you're coming from but I don't think he was at fault here.

I do think you are unreasonable to ask whether you can "let" him do it though. He's an adult and doesn't need your permission. If you don't trust him around a topless woman, why would you trust him around clothed women?

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 30/08/2025 20:19

Fuck no I would not.

If it was normal in our culture and had been all our lives, so acceptable and normal practice to both of us? Sure.

But he would not be ok with you chatting topless to your male colleagues, so no it's not ok for him to have double standards.

Just because it's ok in other countries doesn't make us prudish. It's just the level of public nudity we've naturally grown up with.

And absolutely fucking not to be taking this double standards approach and then conversing in a language that excluded you to boot. It's really disrespectful.

Trovindia · 30/08/2025 20:20

No I wouldn't be happy with that, I would expect him to ask her to put a top on or to leave

BCBird · 30/08/2025 20:20

I wouldn't feel comfortable to be honest. I agree with what people have said about it being common in others of countries. I would advise you to learn French so u are not reliant on your husband.

BCBird · 30/08/2025 20:22

Trovindia · 30/08/2025 20:20

No I wouldn't be happy with that, I would expect him to ask her to put a top on or to leave

I don't think he has a right to do this to be honest. I can't imagine wanting to sunbathe top less in front of a colleague

NewWin · 30/08/2025 20:24

No way, I would not be comfortable with that. If I'm a prude I'm a prude, but I'd be fuming.

Not sure what he could do about it in the moment though - weird to leave suddenly and obviously he can't ask her to cover up. He shouldn't be excluding you from the conversation though

Arrivist · 30/08/2025 20:25

Learn French. You’re in France.
Whats wrong with a woman going topless? I think you’re being rather silly.

123DCC · 30/08/2025 20:25

Is this common practice in France? What might seem unthinkable to us and really inappropriate may not be over there.

Having said that it does seem a bit brazen! To do that with your married work colleague in front of his wife! but again, I don’t know what is and isn’t socially acceptable over there!

I don’t think him conversing with her in her native language was wrong. But if he was completely ignoring you and just chatting to his half naked work colleague then yeah, that’s not really on!

Maddy70 · 30/08/2025 20:26

Most people go topless in France

Wowzel · 30/08/2025 20:27

Being topless on the beach is so common in France

QuiteEasy · 30/08/2025 20:30

‘Would you let your…’

Goodness me, he is an adult. Surely he makes his own decisions.

Rightandwrong · 30/08/2025 20:33

I think the fact your H actually is going off socialising in this manner with 2 women colleagues is pretty worrying actually.
As a married man surely he must realise about maintaing boundaries and going to the beach with these women who he has only recently met as though he is a single guy doesn't seem appropriate.
And really is it normal to mix with your colleagues when they are virtually naked? It doesn't normal professional behaviour to me.
So yes I totally sympathise with you OP.

Sometimeswinning · 30/08/2025 20:34

Trovindia · 30/08/2025 20:20

No I wouldn't be happy with that, I would expect him to ask her to put a top on or to leave

You what now???

To be fair I wouldn’t worry. Dh would push himself to appear ok with a topless woman but would be dying inside.

Trovindia · 30/08/2025 20:36

BCBird · 30/08/2025 20:22

I don't think he has a right to do this to be honest. I can't imagine wanting to sunbathe top less in front of a colleague

Show quote history

He can ask, he can't insist, but he can remove himself if she says no.

bumblebramble · 30/08/2025 20:36

It’s not my place to “let” dh do anything. I don’t control him.

But there are things I don’t accept in a partner. I’m not willing to waste my life feeling jealous, and suspicious and I’m just not prepared to be with a partner whose behaviour makes me feel that way. I also have a very low tolerance for disrespect.

I wouldn’t appreciate that situation either op. Granted, cultural values are different, so it’s a more nuanced conversation. “Let” starts the conversation on the wrong foot and guarantees a power struggle though, which is a distraction from the main issue,

Ratisshortforratthew · 30/08/2025 20:36

Maybe if you’ve moved to France and your husband is (presumably) French, you should learn the language? And in answer to your question no I wouldn’t be bothered I’d whip off my top too and join in the sunbathing. In the context of being at the beach it’s clear she wasn’t trying to come on to your husband. Also boobs don’t shock or offend me.

Pieceofpurplesky · 30/08/2025 20:36

I'd just get mine out too and go chat to some fella up the beach ... although maybe not these days as they would keep the sun off my knees!

dogcatkitten · 30/08/2025 20:37

He invited you, if you make a big deal of it you won't be invited next time. Why should she speak English if she's French and you are in France? Chilli out a bit and go topless yourself next time!

OrangeSmoke · 30/08/2025 20:37

It sounds like the issues here are as much to do with you struggling to settle in France when he seems to have quickly found his feet.

He hasn't done anything wrong, he invited you along to a meet up with colleagues, that's a good thing. He's also not unreasonable for speaking French - why should his colleagues have to speak English? You need to learn French post haste. Do you not speak any at all?

I like that women feel comfortable going topless, I'd happily do it if it was culturally acceptable here. So I think you're being unreasonable to criticise him for this.

DiscoBob · 30/08/2025 20:38

Should he have told her to put a top on?
If it's the done thing to get topless on the beach then it's just one of those things.

He could be there and loads of women with their boobs out.
Either you trust him or you don't.

I don't think it's fair to have a massive row over it. Unless he was perving/flirting. He can't control what his colleague chooses to wear or not on the beach.

Charlottejbt · 30/08/2025 20:39

I don't think going topless is common any more in France. She sounds a bit attention seeking. I'd be beyond horrified if a random male acquaintance saw me with no clothes on!
Edited to add that your DH invited you, so he's probably not doing anything nefarious.

LargeChestofDrawers · 30/08/2025 20:41

He can't ask her to put her top on, no. She obviously has no problem with it, so the issue here is a cultural difference.

To help your dh understand why for you, this is difficult, I suggest that next time you go to the beach with his work colleagues - and hopefully there will be some male ones - you go topless. See how he likes that.

But all joking aside, at least he invited you.

helpfulperson · 30/08/2025 20:41

If you move to France you need to accept that their cultural norms are different to ours. Including the language you speak.

Too many of the replies on here seem to be suggesting that the french women should change how they behave to accomodate how the British woman thinks they should behave because that is somehow superior.