Would you let your DH socialise with topless work colleague on beach?

[YehaaYessir]

So me and DH have recently moved to France for his work. He seems to be enjoying his work and the other day he messaged me to say he was going to the beach after work with some friends from work and asked if I wanted to come too.
When I got there there was only him and two girls and one of them was topless! I felt really uncomfortable as she wasn't just sunbathing either, she was getting up and walking around topless too, she was also speaking to my husband in French (which he speaks but I don't) which I found uncomfortable.
We had a massive row about it when we got home, he says I'm making a drama out of nothing and am being unreasonable.
So my question is, would you be happy if your DH was socialising with a topless attractive French girl ( (with big boobs for perspective if it matters).?

The colleagues may not even speak English. And expecting people to speak a foreign language in their own country because an immigrant hasn’t bothered to learn the language is also “really crap.”

I wouldn’t allow a French person to tell me what to wear in the UK, and I wouldn’t dictate their outfit in France.

YANBU for feeling as you did, I would be quite shocked and inwardly cursing that of course she’d have to be attractive and big boobed to boot 😅.

But I’m not sure what DP was meant to have done? Sounds like he basically rolled with it which sounds sensible to me. It’s obviously a cultural difference yiu will need to get used to.

It's not dictating to say "hey I'm not comfortable with chatting while you're half naked, would you mind putting a bikini top on? If not no worries but I'll head off and we can catch up after time".

That's boundaries and it's fine.

Tbh DH would have studiously not looked. You can’t make a woman put her top on if in her culture topless sunbathing is perfectly normal. It’s not your DH’s fault. He asked you to join him so he’s not doing anything sneaky, people are allowed to socialise with work colleagues.

Excluding you from the conversation was not on.

I don’t know if it’s common in France or not but I think it’s inappropriate between work colleagues and affect professional boundaries.
I would go even further and question the trip to the beach with 2 female colleagues - bigger mixed group is fine but still going topless does look unnecessary and attention seeking in the work context.
Tbh I wouldn’t be comfortable being topless in front of female colleagues myself or them being topless. If I am weird or prude for this I don’t care, that’s my view.

I think I'd feel uncomfortable but that would be my issue, not because my dh had done something wrong, I wouldn't argue about it later. You're in a different country with a different culture. We were in Italy not long ago and whole families were on the beach with the women topless.

But also you do know she can't control the size of her breasts?

Come on, at the beach and topless but not your work colleague

Saying "I'm not comfortable with you being topless at the beach, please put something on or I'll be leaving" is indeed a boundary. Saying "DH, I have decided that you now have a boundary such that if someone is topless at the beach you have to say that they must either put something on or you'll be leaving" is dictating.

He probably didn’t know she was going to whip her top off and most likely felt a bit uncomfortable what with her being a work colleague vs old friend! Europeans have different culture to the stiff old brits. Let it go jesus laugh about it. Its not like he was frolicking in the surf with her 👀

The topless thing is normal in France and Spain - especially for nationals.

And if they are French then speaking French isn’t really something you can get annoyed about.

and I say that as someone who lived in Spain for 7 years and although had expat friends we were early 20’s and many of them went to school there and so spoke Spanish naturally even around English people because there were Spaniards there also. They did give me an overview of the conversation but it made me learn the language quicker! I was in Spain after all!

No he needs to leave. If it's the norm to be topless than that's the norm. OP has an issue socializing with work colleagues topless. Completely ok and normal for us Brits. He can leave out of respect for his wife. He can say that to his work colleagues.

I wouldn’t like this.

Excluding you from the conversation was not on.

Does the colleague speak English?

This post is reminding me of the naked work party in Toni Erdmann (a very under-rated film)

Your dh invited you along. I don't expect he knew his co workers would whip off their tops. He would appear weird to cover his eyes and ask them to cover up.

I would have ignored the half nakedness- they are on the beach, where people are practically naked anyway- , smiled, and tried to make friends. After all, he has to work with them all day. It's easier if they like him and you.

Pretty sure even in France it’s not common for work colleagues to go topless in front of each other.

@mylimebiscuit To be fair, I wouldn't plan a socialisation with work colleagues at the beach anyway, tiny bikinis, thongs, topless, mens tops off. It's all just a bit too nude for me. But, maybe this is the norm in France and who am I to judge? They planned the beach trip and were all happy to go, you expect some nudity at the beach. Last time I was there, in the UK, a woman had on a bikini that was just a G string thong and 2 iddy biddy triangles on her big bust. I found that more uncomfortable than I would a topless woman.

No, I would be livid. It's a natural human instinct.

Erm not it's not. it's a cultural norm. Some cultures would view it as unacceptable, others wouldn't bat an eyelid. The British way of life is not a 'natural human instinct'

It’s not ‘silly’ to have reservations about your DH socialising with half naked female colleagues. It’s totally inappropriate.

To be fair he wasn't bothered. For a lot of people going toilets on the beach is a non event. We used to do trips to Brighton and even there top less young women were nit uncommon on the beach.

It's a bit sad asking him to say he's not comfortable when he's not bothered. Surely you should be getting him to say 'my wife's not comfortable with me being around you while you're top less so if you don't want to.put on a top I better go home before it causes problems'

It's totally inappropriate in Britain. But they aren't in Britain.

"OP has an issue socializing with work colleagues topless". Yes. OP has an issue with that.

Given that OP's DH is a mere human and so is incapable of reading his wife's mind, and presumably this isn't a scenario that has come up in conversation between them before, how do you propose that he should know this? Particularly if, as you say, in that context it may very well be unremarkable for a woman to be topless?

Or do you think it's reasonable to expect your DH to be able to accurately predict every single opinion you may have and to have a massive argument with him when he inevitably fails? If so, does the phrase "Setting him up to fail" ring any bells with you?

Here in Spain it's very common to be topless at the beach but I don't think many work colleagues would go to the beach together and then be so.
YANBU to feel uncomfortable with the situation.