Would you let your DH socialise with topless work colleague on beach?

[YehaaYessir]

So me and DH have recently moved to France for his work. He seems to be enjoying his work and the other day he messaged me to say he was going to the beach after work with some friends from work and asked if I wanted to come too.
When I got there there was only him and two girls and one of them was topless! I felt really uncomfortable as she wasn't just sunbathing either, she was getting up and walking around topless too, she was also speaking to my husband in French (which he speaks but I don't) which I found uncomfortable.
We had a massive row about it when we got home, he says I'm making a drama out of nothing and am being unreasonable.
So my question is, would you be happy if your DH was socialising with a topless attractive French girl ( (with big boobs for perspective if it matters).?

So your whole problem is that you’re insecure and have a shed load of internalised misogyny. Yeah it’s definitely you with the problem.

@Ratisshortforratthew Would your dh want to have sex with you if he knew you were thinking about someone else?

Yes? Fantasising isn’t mutually exclusive to enjoying sex with your partner

And you’re happy being his wank sock?

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Yeah right! Cos he's the boss of her.

@YehaaYessir I was in France and the beaches were littered with top less women. I guess your husband just won't be going to the beach?

I understand it's awkward as it's not something we're accustomed to, but it will be pretty hard to avoid.

I mean, I fantasise about other people too so this isn’t the gotcha you think it is

Aaahhhh! You should probably smack yourself upside the head. Get this twatty thinking out your brain. That and thinking smacking other women in their mouths stops a husband who means to be wayward 🙄.

But the fastest way to learn a langauge is to speak it. The OP should have used opportunity to listen to and speak french. Ask them to speak slower and repeat bits if you need to but you dont learn french by expecting everyone else to speak english to you.

The amount of pearl clutchers in this thread is staggering.
In this time and age it takes literally two seconds to see a naked woman, or man. Are you going to ban your husband from using their smartphone?

@YehaaYessir, this whole scenario was inappropriate for colleagues and highly disrespectful to you.

I too believe this woman had an agenda to tantalize your H and imprint a lingering erotic image to elicit both fantasy and frisson.

You were treated with great disregard, as she virtually ignored you while focusing her flirty attention on H. It sounds like he was flattered. He in turn allowed you to be marginalized via their exclusionary conversing in French, when they could have easily chosen to include you by speaking English.

Your boundaries are reasonable and valid, @YehaaYessir. Unfortunately you have an H problem. Instead of empathizing with your discomfort with his colleague’s nudity/flirting and apologizing for their mutual exclusion of you, he is dismissing you and calling you unreasonable. He is protecting and prioritizing their new ‘friendship’ over you and your feelings. In my marriage, this breach would have consequences.

@lotsofpatience I don’t deny that’s true but my original question still stands.

It's one thing for them to be on the beach a distance away, and another when it's in your social group. It's about culture, it's not our culture and it's ok to say we aren't ok with it. It's not judgement, it's asking for understanding and accommodation.

Also, I've been on holiday in lots of European countries and actually have rarely seen anyone topless.

You’re not unreasonable. How bizarre to want your colleague to see you topless. I’d keep an eye on her. Might she fancy your partner? Some people get a kick out of attracting other people’s partners.

Don't go to the south of Fuerteventura 😆

If you went there, you might realise that even a totally naked person doesn't have a bum hole "on show" during normal activities like sitting and walking.

Oh so this is just about paranoid territorialism and internalised misogyny. Piss on him to show the "slut" he's yours OP, you sound very mature and rational.

Anyone who wants to see where the worst misogyny is on the internet should probably visit mumsnet.

Man's perspective as someone who lived and worked in France in his early 20s with English girlfriend who was less fluent in French: from your description, you're both being unreasonable, but you probably more so.

In the open-plan office I worked in, it was commonplace on arrival in the mornings to go around and greet people I barely knew and often it was the case that girls would kiss me on both cheeks when doing so.

As much as I might like to claim this was because I was so devilishly handsome that they couldn't resist getting close to me, it wasn't: it was cultural.

Not all girls did it, and by the same token, not all the other boys shook hands either, but a large proportion did and this was despite me not knowing them.

Going topless in France is much less of a big deal and as others have suggested, it does seem to be as much about the girl in particular and your own insecurities / internalised misogyny.

However, having said that, I do think your husband could and should have been more receptive and understanding of your concern when discussing later. However, you surely must bear in mind that he did go out of his way to invite you along too?

I think you'd have had much more reason to be concerned if he hadn't. Unfortunately, he's now possibly got more reason not to invite you along to anything social with colleagues in future.

Oh and the her not speaking English thing: that's totally acceptable and you being totally unreasonable, unless you expressly said to her (apologetically) that you don't really speak French yet.

And even then, it's still not necessarily on her to accommodate you entirely. Assuming that she's capable of speaking English to a level she feels comfortable.

Wherever it is you are in France, I hope you and your husband are able to embrace all aspects of life and the culture... just not literally physically embracing other people!

As others have suggested, try to immerse yourself in the French language as much as possible: TV, radio, etc. It really is a great way to improve your comprehension as much as anything, especially alongside some formal learning. Courage!

(Courage or bon courage being the French way of saying good luck for something that requires effort... although bonnne chance would also be understood)

In my view it's not about what is and isn't culturally acceptable. It's the fact that I don't see it as professional to have your boobs out in front of colleagues. I don't see why that would be any different just because it's France.

I don't believe for one second that she didn't know what she was doing. People are jumping on OP for calling her a slut but she had no respect for OP so why should OP have any respect for her? Not every woman is a good person just because they're a woman. Some do think it's a fun "game" to mess with people in relationships. It wouldn't have killed her to have a bikini top on.

That said the DH is just as much to blame as he should have understood why it would make OP uncomfortable and reassured her. Not turned on her and accused her of "drama".

Why should it be universally unprofessional just because it would be in the UK. I dont know what would be considered professional in terms of nudity in France but I do know in Finland sharing a sauna naked with colleagues is normal. And in France greeting colleagues daily with kisses on the cheek it perfectly normal but we wouldnt do it here.

This can’t be real surely!

Nobody would get their tits out in front of a colleague would they ?

In Japan they have communal naked baths but it's separated by gender. It still wouldn't be appropriate for a male colleague to see a female colleague topless. I suspect the same is true of Finnish saunas used by a work group. Different maybe if it's friends/leisure. Plus everyone is naked. It's not just one person.

This wasn't a scenario where everyone was topless. I'm sure there were plenty on the beach with bikini tops on. So yes I still think it was inappropriate to get her boobs out in front of her male colleague.

https://www.businessfinland.com/news/2025/the-tradition-of-sauna-is-shaping-finnish-business-culture/

Years ago I went with DH to Finland and we did indeed do the sauna. Public saunas you tend to wear swimsuits, private saunas not necessarily. We were visiting colleagues of DH and they had their own sauna at their house by a lake, no swimsuits, it was hardly sexy and after a few minutes I couldn't care.

DH has been to public saunas here which were sex segregated and their basic rules was not to approach the coffee bar naked. He used to go with his friends/colleagues during lunch. The sauna was part of a sports club, rather than one you find in the small adds of the telephone box.

Wow. Calling her a slut, brazen and with an agenda. That's pretty nasty OP. I was kind of on the fence with this until you started calling her pretty distasteful names. I'm not surprised you had a row about it. Even if she is topless do you trust him that little that you think he would want to sleep with her because he saw her topless?

@YehaaYessir, how is it going for you now? Is your H still being callous about your (understandable) discomfort?

What was H’s demeanor toward this colleague while they were blanking you via their chatting in French? Was he also being flirty? She showed you minimal attention. Did he follow suit?

How did the other female colleague featured in all this?