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Original poster

Would you let your DH socialise with topless work colleague on beach?

227 replies

YehaaYessir · 30/08/2025 20:07

So me and DH have recently moved to France for his work. He seems to be enjoying his work and the other day he messaged me to say he was going to the beach after work with some friends from work and asked if I wanted to come too.
When I got there there was only him and two girls and one of them was topless! I felt really uncomfortable as she wasn't just sunbathing either, she was getting up and walking around topless too, she was also speaking to my husband in French (which he speaks but I don't) which I found uncomfortable.
We had a massive row about it when we got home, he says I'm making a drama out of nothing and am being unreasonable.
So my question is, would you be happy if your DH was socialising with a topless attractive French girl ( (with big boobs for perspective if it matters).?

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 30/08/2025 21:32

Maddy70 · 30/08/2025 20:26

Most people go topless in France

Not any more apparently.

unicornflakegirl · 30/08/2025 21:34

Your DH can’t start asking colleagues to put on a top at the beach.

I think it would be pretty ridiculous for him to have to say that you don’t like it so he can’t socialise with them, it is a you issue.

I’ve lived in Spain for many years and it’s common in summer for groups of colleagues to go to the beach or pool, some do go topless, lots of the women wear thong bikinis.

I planned a meet-up with a university colleague at the beach and she was topless for the afternoon.

If you’re going to live there these women could even become part of your friendship group. What is your plan (work, trailing spouse, study?) Starting to integrate whilst maintaining your own boundaries for yourself will help make the best of the opportunity to live there for however long it is.

ArtesianWater · 30/08/2025 21:36

helpfulperson · 30/08/2025 21:20

Erm not it's not. it's a cultural norm. Some cultures would view it as unacceptable, others wouldn't bat an eyelid. The British way of life is not a 'natural human instinct'

Show quote history

I meant I would be livid with jealousy. Not that that in itself would necessarily be justifiable, but I think it's natural to feel it on the inside if your husband is hanging out with an attractive topless woman. I wasn't referring to cultural norms.

pinkiestinky · 30/08/2025 21:36

No I wouldnt. Could tie myself in knots I suspect trying to make myself ok with it. But it isn’t is it. And he should know that it’s going to make you feel uncomfortable and act accordingly (as in not go or leave). I’m too old now to put up with this shit. I know it’s just a body and we are British and hung up etc. However the reality is if she attractive young and has her boobs out he’ll find it exciting however right on he is. And he should remove himself from that situation accordingly. Not his fault, or your fault, or the fault of the colleague who finds this normal. But it just isn’t ok because … well we all know why really but have to pretend otherwise in the interests of being cool.

Petitchat · 30/08/2025 21:36

Pieceofpurplesky · 30/08/2025 20:36

I'd just get mine out too and go chat to some fella up the beach ... although maybe not these days as they would keep the sun off my knees!

🤣

Branleuse · 30/08/2025 21:39

I think its inappropriate and performative that she was wandering around with her tit's out in front of her colleagues.
It is more common in France than in the UK to go topless on the beach, but that doesn't mean everyone just does it all the time

wizzywig · 30/08/2025 21:42

When you say girls, we're they in their 20s and hes older? Doubt any straight man would have an issue with it. Bet he's mind if you were sat chatting with 2 fit handsome young men who were beach ready.

what would have been telling was if you then turned up and were also top less, what his reaction would be.

wizzywig · 30/08/2025 21:43

Petitchat · 30/08/2025 21:36

🤣

Show quote history

Free spf. Dont knock it!!

DoRayMeMeMe · 30/08/2025 21:47

Gloriia · 30/08/2025 20:13

I'd be more bothered about them excluding you by speaking French, thats really crap. At least he invited you so wasn't up to anything dodgy but it does seem odd for her to be topless with a work colleague.

We'll be told it's us uptight prudish Brits any minute as everyone is topless or nude in Europe apparently in various spas/saunas etc.

They are in France though, so perhaps more onus on OP to speak French I would have thought.

OP, I don’t think we get to “let” people socialize. Did he behave in a lecherous way, and make her feel uncomfortable?
Assuming no, then I just think you have to accept it.

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 30/08/2025 21:47

wizzywig · 30/08/2025 21:42

When you say girls, we're they in their 20s and hes older? Doubt any straight man would have an issue with it. Bet he's mind if you were sat chatting with 2 fit handsome young men who were beach ready.

what would have been telling was if you then turned up and were also top less, what his reaction would be.

What I think is telling is that he invited OP to meet him there.

Soontobe60 · 30/08/2025 21:50

Ratisshortforratthew · 30/08/2025 20:36

Maybe if you’ve moved to France and your husband is (presumably) French, you should learn the language? And in answer to your question no I wouldn’t be bothered I’d whip off my top too and join in the sunbathing. In the context of being at the beach it’s clear she wasn’t trying to come on to your husband. Also boobs don’t shock or offend me.

You’re so cool 😂😂

Soontobe60 · 30/08/2025 21:53

I can’t imagine anything worse than popping down to the beach after work with my colleagues and stripping off. Not even into a costume. It would feel weird.

WhatTheFuk · 30/08/2025 21:53

How English; to expect immigrants to speak English, whilst also expecting locals to speak English to them when moving abroad!

Gloriia · 30/08/2025 21:55

Pharazon · 30/08/2025 20:46

The colleagues may not even speak English. And expecting people to speak a foreign language in their own country because an immigrant hasn’t bothered to learn the language is also “really crap.”

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Presumably the dh knows his dw can't speak French so why on earth invite her if the colleague can't speak English?! Sounds a bit of a non starter all round and that's without the inappropriate topless bit.

LemonDropsXx · 30/08/2025 21:56

If I lived in France I would learn French so I didn’t get left out of the conversation.

I wouldn’t feel 100% comfortable but it’s not my place to say anything when it’s in their country, their culture etc and I wouldn’t dream of saying anything to them.

Gloriia · 30/08/2025 21:58

WhatTheFuk · 30/08/2025 21:53

How English; to expect immigrants to speak English, whilst also expecting locals to speak English to them when moving abroad!

No one is expecting anything but if someone invites another person to something it is common sense to make sure conversation is possible. I bet the colleague could speak English just enjoyed ostracising the op.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 30/08/2025 22:01

What language would you expect your husband to speak to his presumably French colleague when living and working in the country of France? 🤨

Imagine this scenario: you are on the beach in England with your English colleague and his French partner turns up. Are you able to switch to conversing in French so that she doesn’t feel excluded?

tripleginandtonic · 30/08/2025 22:03

Gloriia · 30/08/2025 20:13

I'd be more bothered about them excluding you by speaking French, thats really crap. At least he invited you so wasn't up to anything dodgy but it does seem odd for her to be topless with a work colleague.

We'll be told it's us uptight prudish Brits any minute as everyone is topless or nude in Europe apparently in various spas/saunas etc.

They're in France so of course they're speaking French.

WindsurfingDreams · 30/08/2025 22:06

You can't get cross with people speaking french in France.

The topless thing is reasonable to be unhappy about and maybe he shouldn't socialise with them on the beach if that is what they do. I can't imagine getting my boobs out in front of colleagues and I have happily sunbathed topless when I lived in France

Betty1625 · 30/08/2025 22:07

Is it normal in france to socialise with your colleagues when half naked?
It would be a no from me

WindsurfingDreams · 30/08/2025 22:07

DoRayMeMeMe · 30/08/2025 21:47

They are in France though, so perhaps more onus on OP to speak French I would have thought.

OP, I don’t think we get to “let” people socialize. Did he behave in a lecherous way, and make her feel uncomfortable?
Assuming no, then I just think you have to accept it.

Show quote history

I agree in a relationship it's not about "letting" someone do something. But we are entitled to tell them what kind of behaviours will be relationship ending. And then they get to choose what they do with that information

Betty1625 · 30/08/2025 22:08

WindsurfingDreams · 30/08/2025 22:06

You can't get cross with people speaking french in France.

The topless thing is reasonable to be unhappy about and maybe he shouldn't socialise with them on the beach if that is what they do. I can't imagine getting my boobs out in front of colleagues and I have happily sunbathed topless when I lived in France

Call me prudish but i wouldn't want to spend time with colleagues in swimsuit let alone with baps out

Betty1625 · 30/08/2025 22:12

wizzywig · 30/08/2025 21:42

When you say girls, we're they in their 20s and hes older? Doubt any straight man would have an issue with it. Bet he's mind if you were sat chatting with 2 fit handsome young men who were beach ready.

what would have been telling was if you then turned up and were also top less, what his reaction would be.

I bet they weren't close to retirement age with cellulite and droopy brests

ReadingSoManyThreads · 30/08/2025 22:15

French woman speaks French in France.

French woman goes topless at the beach in France where it is the norm to do so.

You're being ridiculous. Chill the fuck out.

Try learning the language of the country you've just moved to if you don't want to be left out of conversations.