Would you let your DH socialise with topless work colleague on beach?

[YehaaYessir]

So me and DH have recently moved to France for his work. He seems to be enjoying his work and the other day he messaged me to say he was going to the beach after work with some friends from work and asked if I wanted to come too.
When I got there there was only him and two girls and one of them was topless! I felt really uncomfortable as she wasn't just sunbathing either, she was getting up and walking around topless too, she was also speaking to my husband in French (which he speaks but I don't) which I found uncomfortable.
We had a massive row about it when we got home, he says I'm making a drama out of nothing and am being unreasonable.
So my question is, would you be happy if your DH was socialising with a topless attractive French girl ( (with big boobs for perspective if it matters).?

I bet the colleague expected OP to be able to speak French given that she's LIVING IN FRANCE.

I'd be more bothered about them excluding you by speaking French, thats really crap
…they’re in France? It’s not crap of them to speak French in France. We don’t even know if the woman speaks English.
op I wouldn’t like it if he was just hanging out with them, but he invited you, that changes things completely. Is he French? I think there are different attitudes outside of the uk.
pp suggesting he tell her to put a top on are misogynistic

Erm sunbathing topless with colleagues is not normal in France! I’ve lived and worked here for 20 years and none of my colleagues have ever seen my boobs and vice versa, and we’re not far from the beach. It would be maybe a tiny bit less inappropriate here than it would be in the UK but not a usual thing to do at all.

You can’t really complain about people speaking French in France though.

If she’s French and in France why would she not speak French

She sounds awfully insecure and attention seeking.. I know it's more common in some cultures but I can't imagine that it's ok to strip off in front of a colleague and his wife. It's kind of pathetic when you think about it. I think you need to trust your Dh, it's not like he has never seem boobs before, I suspect he was extremely uncomfortable with it. The fact that he invited you along suggests he was uncomfortable being alone with the women so don't forget that. As for the speaking French, well they are in France so the onus is on you to learn as quickly as you can so you won't feel excluded.

This happened in France. Why wouldn’t OP’s DP’s colleague speak French? Maybe she can’t speak English. OP has moved to a country and doesn’t know the language - this sort of situation is inevitable.
As for “letting” him fraternise with a topless colleague - it’s not my cup of tea but France is another country, they do things differently. If as a couple they’re not comfortable then they need to decline beach invites.

Was in France this summer for a holiday and in a very French part too, not that many British tourists, I wouldn’t say it was THAT common! In the time we were there I’d say 2-3 women each day were topless out of about 100…

In front of colleagues I’d say is pretty bloody odd.

They definitely do. :)

Wouldn’t bother me at all but I trust my partner and know he is incredibly respectful of women and not pervy. Why shouldn’t she go topless? We all shout my body my choice don’t we? And yes it’s more culturally acceptable in other cultures. A culture you have moved to. If he left he would seem rude and judgmental of her.

Exactly this.
going topless on French beaches is quite normal, he would have come off very rude if he asked her to put a top on or to leave ( imagine if your colleague or someone you barely knew asked you to cover up your bathing suit in England)

he does need to learn to not exclude you from conversations though! My friend is married to someone French and consistently had the same problem ( in group settings, her husband would just chat in French , leaving her out) super annoying

Everyone on here acting like they wouldn’t give a shit hahaha. As if.

I would not be happy. It’s weird he’s on the beach with 2 women and no men anyway. The fact he invited you is positive! I wouldn’t be chuffed about the boobs out, but it sounds as if that’s normal for France judging by these comments.

I think I’d be mostly concerned about him being there with 2 women, and then the boobs out would tip me over the edge.

Actually some of us just aren’t the jealous type. One of the things I love about my male partner is he has female friends he hangs out with. I see it as he doesn’t just make time for women if he wants to sleep with them. This board acts like all men are sex crazed and can’t be trusted within a mile of a woman. I find it insane

I've lived in France, I have gone topless many a time, I would not say it is the norm for everyone, but it isn't weird either, plenty do, plenty don't. I am not sure I would do it in front of work colleagues though. It is also quite normal to be completely naked in some saunas / spas etc. in Germany, nobody cares, and nobody (as far as I have seen) is the slightest bit interested in anyone elses body. As for the french-speaking bit, I think if I invited my non-french speaking OH, you need to be a bit inclusive, so that means that you sometimes have to translate a few of the jokes and the convo so they can join in, that's all. If that wasn't done, then yes, that is insensitive and I could understand why it rankled, combined with some other factors it could do something in your head. Over time if OP learns more french, then the need to do this will be less anyway. I would have a word about how it made you feel, then lay it to rest. Might have made him feel a bit uncomfortable anyway, and it may be difficult for him too, but he needs to walk that line of "social norms" with work colleagues and is finding his own way. Is there anyone else out there you could chat with? HTH, x

I think that's a reasonable boundary in a marriage actually. I don't want my partner hanging out with half naked women, that's not dictating, it's holding a boundary.

Exactly. It's fascinating that some people think unboundaried relationships are healthy or aspirational. If you value the relationship you both take steps to protect it

Do you think this is what happened?
"Hey new boy, wanna come to the beach after work?"
"Well French girl, that depends, will you be getting your tits out?"
"Oh, well I can if you insist"
"Do you mind if I invite my girlfriend, I want to make her really jealous because yours are bigger than hers"

I suspect that what really happened was that her going topless was not mentioned prior to the beach visit (if he really was ogling her then he probably wouldn't have invited you along) Also, how many other topless women were there? Loads I'd guess. What would you expect him to do when she took her top off? I have news for you.....the bikini top isn't really preserving anything, men know what's underneath them. He is not going to cheat on you because another woman had bare breasts.

No chance.

There are plenty of reports of a decline in topless sunbathing. The Guardian article I posted is already old.

'Let him' ??? Husband or two year old?

I spend a lot of time on beaches in France. Most people definitely do go topless. I live in Spain , the first time I was asked to go to the beach with colleagues was very odd. All topless and next to the nudest beach where some of them headed for. One was my boss :). Soon got used to it , it's normal. People aren't body conscious, they don't want tan lines

I understand you felt uncomfortable in that situation.
However, I don't think it was anyone's fault.

She is allowed to be topless on the beach.
Your DH has no control over her clothes.
He invited you to join them
Do they even speak English on a level they would be comfortable with?

There will be many situations where you'll face a cultural difference.
Do your best to learn some French, that's the part of the uncomfortable package you actually can do something about.

You've got it all wrong, on MN "your body your choice" is only for use to justify injecting toxins into yourself because you hate your body - women are supposed to hate their bodies you see. It isn't for use when a woman is, god forbid, comfortable with her body and free of uptight hang-ups.

Ridiculous question anyway. I don't "let" DP do anything and he doesn't "let" me do anything. I've sunbathed topless in Europe and I wouldn't have taken kindly to being told not to (indeed it would've been a deal-breaker).

Also imagining an English man telling a French woman on a beach to put her top back on, please, it offends his (or his wife's!) sensibilities and actually guffawed out loud. It would be ridiculous.

Given how skimpy some bikini tops are, it's also quite strange to think that a couple of square inches of fabric makes the difference between "body exposure that he won't be attracted to" and "body exposure that he must be prevented from seeing at all costs".

My husband just wouldn’t do that to me and if he was the type that would he wouldn’t be my husband.

I would have said no until you mentioned you are in France and the colleague is French. I know someone who lived there for a while - they said all the French could spot the British a mile off as they were covered under 3 towels trying to change. They are much more relaxed about bodies than we are.

When in Rome, as they say.

Yes because I'm European and we do topless at tge beach ( not me personally but most of the women) .