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Original poster

Would you let your DH socialise with topless work colleague on beach?

227 replies

YehaaYessir · 30/08/2025 20:07

So me and DH have recently moved to France for his work. He seems to be enjoying his work and the other day he messaged me to say he was going to the beach after work with some friends from work and asked if I wanted to come too.
When I got there there was only him and two girls and one of them was topless! I felt really uncomfortable as she wasn't just sunbathing either, she was getting up and walking around topless too, she was also speaking to my husband in French (which he speaks but I don't) which I found uncomfortable.
We had a massive row about it when we got home, he says I'm making a drama out of nothing and am being unreasonable.
So my question is, would you be happy if your DH was socialising with a topless attractive French girl ( (with big boobs for perspective if it matters).?

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 31/08/2025 10:04

For goodness sake don't be so horrifically uptight. This is perfectly normal behaviour for France. I lived in a French country for 5 years, they do topless volleyball and all kinds of things.
They must have wondered what was wrong with the sullen English wife.
MY GOD she was walking about topless to...everyone clutch your pearls now 😂
If I was you I'd go on a French speed learning course lighten up and have some fun.

theemmadilemma · 31/08/2025 10:10

Ratisshortforratthew · 30/08/2025 20:36

Maybe if you’ve moved to France and your husband is (presumably) French, you should learn the language? And in answer to your question no I wouldn’t be bothered I’d whip off my top too and join in the sunbathing. In the context of being at the beach it’s clear she wasn’t trying to come on to your husband. Also boobs don’t shock or offend me.

This.

Europeans sunbathe topless is a shocker that’s been known since my old ass was a tiny girl….

Gingernessy · 31/08/2025 10:14

Topless on the beach is normal in France Does she speak English - if so then the speaking in French was rude unless she thinks you speak French too.
Feel sorry for your husband - he couldn't win this either way!

Gloriia · 31/08/2025 10:20

Gettingbysomehow · 31/08/2025 10:04

For goodness sake don't be so horrifically uptight. This is perfectly normal behaviour for France. I lived in a French country for 5 years, they do topless volleyball and all kinds of things.
They must have wondered what was wrong with the sullen English wife.
MY GOD she was walking about topless to...everyone clutch your pearls now 😂
If I was you I'd go on a French speed learning course lighten up and have some fun.

Topless volley ball! I bet that draws a crowd of creeps.

Plenty of posters have said it isnt the norm in France and even if it was I doubt it is with work colleagues.

There's no need for the 'sullen English wife' comment. I've lived and worked abroad and English is the default language when there are people of different nationalities present.

beencaughttrollin · 31/08/2025 10:21

I can't really imagine caring one way or the other; it's not like he asked her to take her top off or expected that she'd have it off. Since it's a colleague, it would probably have been inappropriate as well as rude for him to ask her to put her top on.

Original poster
YehaaYessir · 31/08/2025 10:37

Ratisshortforratthew · 30/08/2025 20:36

Maybe if you’ve moved to France and your husband is (presumably) French, you should learn the language? And in answer to your question no I wouldn’t be bothered I’d whip off my top too and join in the sunbathing. In the context of being at the beach it’s clear she wasn’t trying to come on to your husband. Also boobs don’t shock or offend me.

No my husband is English too. I could go topless, although I never have before, and to be honest my boobs are a lot smaller and not nearly as impressive as this girl's, so I'm not sure what it would achieve.

OP posts:
Original poster
YehaaYessir · 31/08/2025 10:40

OrangeSmoke · 30/08/2025 20:37

It sounds like the issues here are as much to do with you struggling to settle in France when he seems to have quickly found his feet.

He hasn't done anything wrong, he invited you along to a meet up with colleagues, that's a good thing. He's also not unreasonable for speaking French - why should his colleagues have to speak English? You need to learn French post haste. Do you not speak any at all?

I like that women feel comfortable going topless, I'd happily do it if it was culturally acceptable here. So I think you're being unreasonable to criticise him for this.

I am learning French, but it takes time. It wasn't really my idea to move to France, although I do like it here. It was for his work and we only found out we'd be moving about two months ago and have been here a month.

OP posts:
Original poster
YehaaYessir · 31/08/2025 10:41

MoominMai · 30/08/2025 20:50

YANBU for feeling as you did, I would be quite shocked and inwardly cursing that of course she’d have to be attractive and big boobed to boot 😅.

But I’m not sure what DP was meant to have done? Sounds like he basically rolled with it which sounds sensible to me. It’s obviously a cultural difference yiu will need to get used to.

Yeah she was gorgeous which made it worse, with probably the best boobs I've ever seen. Sods law eh?

OP posts:
Original poster
YehaaYessir · 31/08/2025 10:45

HonoriaBulstrode · 30/08/2025 21:06

Excluding you from the conversation was not on.

Does the colleague speak English?

Yes, she did to me, although she said little to me, she seemed more interested in speaking to DH.

OP posts:
Ratafia · 31/08/2025 10:49

YehaaYessir · 31/08/2025 10:40

I am learning French, but it takes time. It wasn't really my idea to move to France, although I do like it here. It was for his work and we only found out we'd be moving about two months ago and have been here a month.

Show quote history

If I knew I was moving to a country with a different language, I would do an immersion course in that language before going. Why not look for something like that so you can learn quickly?

Gloriia · 31/08/2025 10:56

Ratafia · 31/08/2025 10:49

If I knew I was moving to a country with a different language, I would do an immersion course in that language before going. Why not look for something like that so you can learn quickly?

Show quote history

She is learning French!

The point here is the other person was bilingual but chose to exclude the op when speaking to her dh. That is crap.

Op, your dh should have kept answering her in English to make it clear you weren't to be excluded.

Or is he a bit of a twat and was loving it?

Original poster
YehaaYessir · 31/08/2025 11:03

wizzywig · 30/08/2025 21:42

When you say girls, we're they in their 20s and hes older? Doubt any straight man would have an issue with it. Bet he's mind if you were sat chatting with 2 fit handsome young men who were beach ready.

what would have been telling was if you then turned up and were also top less, what his reaction would be.

Yes she was in her 20's but so are we. As I said I don't normally go topless and to be honest, my body is nearly as impressive as hers.

OP posts:
Pastaandoranges · 31/08/2025 11:03

Well I am guess he hadnt thought about if she would take her top off or not when he was invited. Then she took it off and what would he do about it, he can't tell her to put it on, and if he scurries away it will look odd, he invited you so he clearly was not having an affair.
I lived in the middle east and to wear a bathing suit or v neck top, a knee length skirt and short sleeves would be horrifying for many people there. So it is relative to what you have been brought up to beleive is acceptable levels of nakedness in front of others. In France getting your boobs out on a beach is perfectly normal.
Also speaking french in France, ai would suggest you learn fast if you are living there

Comtesse · 31/08/2025 11:04

Maddy70 · 30/08/2025 20:26

Most people go topless in France

Nope, not at all. In my experience you will get some women topless but it’s probably about 1 in 20. That’s what I’ve seen in Normandy over the past 12 years.

BourgeoisBabe · 31/08/2025 11:13

I might be embarassed because it's not the norm here in Ireland, but he invited you along so he's not hiding anything. And you are in France, it's normal to be topless in France at the beach. So I'd get used to it asap, that's the point of traveling and living in other countries surely, to learn about other cultures?

Betty1625 · 31/08/2025 11:14

Come on posters, it's not normal to be topless even in France with a colleague you barely know. This gorgeous colleague is after him

Betty1625 · 31/08/2025 11:15

Ps to be fair to your DH he probably invited you because it felt a bit off going with these 2 colleagues to the beach on his own

OrangeSmoke · 31/08/2025 11:18

YehaaYessir · 31/08/2025 10:40

I am learning French, but it takes time. It wasn't really my idea to move to France, although I do like it here. It was for his work and we only found out we'd be moving about two months ago and have been here a month.

Show quote history

Moving countries is a huge decision, it changes and tests every facet of your relationships and lives together. It's a massive adjustment. Doing it at a month's notice is madness really. Give yourselves a bit of grace here. You've done one of the most stressful life changes possible with so little preparation. It's no wonder you both feel a little vulnerable.

Original poster
YehaaYessir · 31/08/2025 11:20

Betty1625 · 31/08/2025 11:14

Come on posters, it's not normal to be topless even in France with a colleague you barely know. This gorgeous colleague is after him

Edited

That's what I'm worried about. It might be perfectly innocent on his part, but is it on hers?

OP posts:
Betty1625 · 31/08/2025 11:21

YehaaYessir · 31/08/2025 11:20

That's what I'm worried about. It might be perfectly innocent on his part, but is it on hers?

Show quote history

I would say no, especially if you felt excluded from their conversation

Petitchat · 31/08/2025 11:22

BourgeoisBabe · 31/08/2025 11:13

I might be embarassed because it's not the norm here in Ireland, but he invited you along so he's not hiding anything. And you are in France, it's normal to be topless in France at the beach. So I'd get used to it asap, that's the point of traveling and living in other countries surely, to learn about other cultures?

Do you live in France?

@Comtesse 11.04 said she has lived there for the last 12 years and it's not normal to go topless in France.
About 1in 20 .....

Gloriia · 31/08/2025 11:26

YehaaYessir · 31/08/2025 11:03

Yes she was in her 20's but so are we. As I said I don't normally go topless and to be honest, my body is nearly as impressive as hers.

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Op I'm sure your body is fine maybe try to work on your self confidence. Try to forget about this, she sounds awful deliberately excluding you.

Tell your dh when socialising he must include you and if others who are bilingual try to exclude you he must respond in English to make it clear you aren't to be ignored.

FourIsNewSix · 31/08/2025 11:26

Now thinking about it again your DP should had addressed the language part - asking them if it would be possible to switch to english.

He wanted to move to France for his job, he should help you in a social context.

Petitchat · 31/08/2025 11:29

Gloriia · 31/08/2025 11:26

Op I'm sure your body is fine maybe try to work on your self confidence. Try to forget about this, she sounds awful deliberately excluding you.

Tell your dh when socialising he must include you and if others who are bilingual try to exclude you he must respond in English to make it clear you aren't to be ignored.

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OP shouldn't have to tell him, he should have known and so should they.
It's just basic manners.

Original poster
YehaaYessir · 31/08/2025 11:32

Betty1625 · 31/08/2025 11:21

I would say no, especially if you felt excluded from their conversation

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She did sound quite flirty when talking to him, although it's difficult to tell because I'm only just starting to learn French.
Do you think I should warn her off? Without DH being there obvs.

OP posts:
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