Husband wants me to work full-time

[Lovelifesmile]

My husband and I have two children (aged 4 and 2). I currently work the equivalent of 3 days a week doing shift work and my husband works full-time at 5 days per week. I would like to work the equivalent of 4 days per week when my youngest child goes to school. My husband wants me to go full-time. My husbands income is £2700 per month. My income part-time 3 days per week is £2200 and if I worked 4 days per week I would earn £2900. We are comfortable financially as we are currently, and would be very comfortable with me going 4 days per week. I want to use the 'day off' per week to do the food shop, house cleaning, washing, gardening maintenance and food prep. My values are that I want to earn enough money to be comfortable, but also have time to do the housework, appointments, school admin and help with homework to free up our weekends to go out and not to household chores on the weekend. It appears my husband values money the most. If I was full time I would take home £3400 per month so it's a difference of £500 per month. I am more than happy for him to also drop to 4 days per week to spend more time with the children if he wants to, but he doesn't wish to do this.

What’s his reasoning? Just money?

Stick with doing 4 days
your DC’s are very young and imo full time would be too much
enjoy your family time x

I presume your living costs are quite low. What is your husbands reasoning? Money for holidays / pensions / treats etc? Who will be doing school pick up and drop offs?

He needs to earn more then! If you can earn more than him in 4 days, why do more?

Has there been a discussion about how household chores will be split if you work full time.

What does he do at the moment? How will you deal with childcare during school holidays? Does he use carers leave if the children are ill or is all that on you?

If he has not even raised these issues and is just assuming that you will continue to bear the brunt of this then my answer would be no you should not work full time.

This 100%!

Has he started the discussion on what chores and responsibilities would shift over to him and which split you would take with child care etc once you go full time? If not he's trying to take advantage of you big time.

Also - why can't he switch jobs / firms et. so he earns more money?

Yes financial, he would like more money to build more savings, go on a few lavish holidays a year and he would like to go rock climbing and participate in sport events such as Iron Man which are not cheap activities. We already put some money into savings per month on our current income and I would be happy with one nice holiday per year etc.

I would put the foot down and nip this in the bud. Tell him you are currently happy with 3 days but willing to move up to 4 as a compromise , but definitely not 5.

Is he going to pull his weight and pick up half of the things that you do? I suspect not.

You need to ask this question and take the answer based on how much he does now. Just be careful that you don't get pushed into the full 5 days and still carry the home load.

if it was me and I went ahead to x5 days, the extra £500 would need to pay for some help like a cleaner, possibly gardener, online food shop etc so I didn’t have the spend the weekend doing it and things were equal and you don’t end up doing it as default (depending on how much he contributes to the admin/ housework).

School holiday cover is a nightmare and you need to sort cover for x13 weeks a year so this would be more difficult. Once they start school the logistics get really hard, finishing mid-afternoon , inset days, parents in school afternoon, school Plays etc, and plenty of admin, reading etc. it is a big juggle if both full time and he would need to really step up it’s not like long hours at nursery

I would tell him in no uncertain terms that he will be doing more housework. That he will cook for the family when you work the extra day and do the laundry that day. That as you will earn more money, he will do more housework and state the specific tasks he can do.
I expect this will change his perspective some what.

He wants YOU to earn more money so HE can do IRON man? Whereas YOU want to work 4 days to do CHORES to benefit family life at the weekend.

there’s a meet in the middle here, you work 4 days, he gets a better paying job - then you both get what you want!

4 days work and 1 day to sort everything else out seems like a great balance and you're already pulling in a decent income on that. If dh just wants extra treat money he should look at earning more. If you were struggling to pay t for essentials it'd be different

He wants YOU to earn more so that HE can do expensive activities such as Iron Man? Wanker !

Is he pulling his weight equally in all aspects of running the family home? The only way you should even start to consider giving up time for the food shop, house cleaning, washing, gardening maintenance and food prep appointments, school admin and help with homework is if he is taking on these tasks and the associated mental load and planning required.

Maybe he could devote Saturdays to this sort of thing and you could take the dc out on trips and excursions if he doesn’t enjoy, or value, the cultural side of things?

I have asked him this as he doesn't want to change jobs, he is very happy were he is, he is able to work from home two days a week and go into work 3 days and he likes the flexibility of hybrid working which makes sense. It allows him to pick and collect the children two days per week which I obviously want him to continue to do as that's nice he gets to do that too.

Has he previously trained for an IM?

It's nit just the money, it's the time.

Very good point here. When I went up to full time we also got a cleaner in weekly. I'd be looking at what you can outsource and allocating the additional money there: cleaner, gardener, after school/summer clubs rather than expensive hobbies and holidays. He can feck right off expecting you to fund his luxuries. I'm angry on your behalf.

So he wants the extra money you earn for his hobbies and holidays.

Which sounds like he won’t be around much to do the chores and childcare at the weekend.

How nice for him.

Wow, that sounds a lot more like spending the money on him than on you or the family.

Sounds like you’ll earn that extra 6 grands and he’ll be treating himself to a new bike.

This guy doesn’t do his fair share of the house work, does he?

Is your eldest starting school this year? I would give it a term or so until January as it is and then see how you find the logistics as there is a LoT to juggle with the mid-afternoon pick ups, parents in school time, reading, birthday parties, admin etc etc

What’s your childcare plan for when they go to school?

With 4 days if a child had a sick day I could swap my day off to accommodate it. With 5 days I would have had to take annual leave so no days left for lavish holidays. Is he prepared to take time off when the children are ill?

You haven’t answered questions about whether he will go 50:50 with all the chores including pick ups and drop offs. This means he won’t be able to pursue his interests as much as he is hoping to.

This.

tell him to stop being selfish and start thinking of the whole family!!