As someone who was in a similar position years ago (my children are now 21 and 17), I’d advise you not to go full time - even when the children are both in full time education. The woman always ends up carrying the rest of the work associated with running a house - housework, shopping, admin/paying bills and, of course, the bulk of the childcare which also includes making sure said children are clothed, fed, kept safe, educated and entertained. It’s a job in itself, which is why women, years ago, didn’t work. If your husband wanted you to go FT then remind him of this and tell him that he’d need to take on the lion’s share of all of this.
I went part time when my son was born in 2004. I had built up a career so, by the time my first child came along, I felt comfortable enough to drop hours and salary. I’d worked for it. Like you, I was the higher earner. My husband had done nothing to increase his earnings, choosing to stay in his stress free job (which it is) and allow me to prop him up a lot. He also encouraged me to go full time (because he didn’t earn enough for us to have a few luxuries in life). He knew I learned more and had the potential to increase my salary further (which I did). I spent my 2 days off a week spending time with each child and looking after the house. All he did was cut the grass and do a bit of weeding in the garden. I did everything else. I’m also paid all of the bills and hunted around lower deals for things etc. He had no idea what our electricity bill was! He had a hobby too so would spend his weekends, when he wasn’t working, on that leaving me with the children. His mother had passed away before the children were born and my mum was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer when the children were 10 and 7 - she hadn’t really helped with them anyway - and she was gone within the year. We also lost my husband’s father to cancer shortly after that. So, I was also helping out with the 3 of them as well as running a house, working and having two primary aged children.
We struggled a bit, financially, and I got bored of struggling and decided I would go back full
time around the time my youngest was approaching the end of primary school. I had also worked a lot of weekends and on-call when so was part time to pay for the nurseries and childminder (and overpay the mortgage) and I, solely, paid for these myself as well as my fair share of the bills. So, effectively, I propped him up.
I lost a lot of time going full time, understandably. I applied for promotion about a year later and got it and my husband actually stood there rubbing his hands together! However, with more money came more responsibility and more stress! I’m still at the same level but don’t enjoy the role due to the constant pressure, deadlines etc. I often wish I could go back and fo back part time! Even for some me time. I never seemed to have any me time!!!
Our marriage failed when the children were 12 and 16. There was nothing in it for me. I was no longer attracted to him and we had drifted into a sexless marriage (no affection either - for many years). I was resentful of him too (because of the above).
I now have another mortgage to pay (as I had to buy another house following the divorce. We had been mortgage free for years. He inherited money and has a house mortgage free and has kept his pension (mine was worth more than).
Yes, I have regrets!!! Think carefully about the other roles of motherhood and being a wife. It’s usually the woman who carries the biggest load!