Husband wants me to work full-time

[Lovelifesmile]

My husband and I have two children (aged 4 and 2). I currently work the equivalent of 3 days a week doing shift work and my husband works full-time at 5 days per week. I would like to work the equivalent of 4 days per week when my youngest child goes to school. My husband wants me to go full-time. My husbands income is £2700 per month. My income part-time 3 days per week is £2200 and if I worked 4 days per week I would earn £2900. We are comfortable financially as we are currently, and would be very comfortable with me going 4 days per week. I want to use the 'day off' per week to do the food shop, house cleaning, washing, gardening maintenance and food prep. My values are that I want to earn enough money to be comfortable, but also have time to do the housework, appointments, school admin and help with homework to free up our weekends to go out and not to household chores on the weekend. It appears my husband values money the most. If I was full time I would take home £3400 per month so it's a difference of £500 per month. I am more than happy for him to also drop to 4 days per week to spend more time with the children if he wants to, but he doesn't wish to do this.

Okay, will you have to hire someone to do extra childcare? and is he willing to do more of the household chores? Not sure the increase to full time would be worth it in the long run.

Given your current financial circumstances, it doesn't matter what HE or anyone else wants you to do, it matters what YOU want to do.

His motivations seem quite selfish, whereas yours are more balanced, considering the overall needs of the household and DC..

You’ll be contributing more financially than he does once you increase to 4 days (edited typo).

Why should you burn out working 5 days simply to fund his desire for iron man challenges and luxury holidays?

It wont be a “day off” so to speak. Youd still be contributing to household needs. Like you said, if you do all that on the “day off” doesn't it ultimately give you more time as a family so its not crammed all into a weekend. Especially the shopping, a weekly shop on a weekend feels like you need a week to recover from that alone😅

Like you mentioned, school admin, appointments etc. Your “day off” would be making the home run smoother, so its not like youd be actually having a day off at all. Especially with children so young, drs apps, dentists, calling bill providers (if needed) reading with your child mornings (if other schools do), just anything that comes with home maintenance.

i say this as someone who has been a full time working mum, a full time working single mum, a part time single working mum, a stay at home mum with a working partner etc. all that “life admin” is so necessary and i would always encourage anyone who can afford it to keep a weekday free, for general house things, all the ‘life admin’ tasks. Is he going to want to pay for a pa/cleaner/gardener so chores if both working ft are “fair”?

i think your priorities are where they need to be. Kids wont remember how much money their parents had coming in and out like you said youre comfortable.

when they get older you could revisit the idea but 100% agree keep it to 3-4 days for now.

I bet you do the lions share or all of everything which you can just about manage on working 4 days a week but not on 5 . he won't do more. he likes his groove. maybe he should get a job where you work and earn more money in his 5 days. that's your return to him... "get a better paying job and here is one :. he is a cheeky bleeder. you'll be expected to do all you do now answered work 5 days a week? I should coco.

Perhaps he needs to get a better paid job then? Particularly to pay for his hobbies, assuming you aren’t ALL going to be doing the Iron Man stuff?

He wants you - the higher earner - to work more hours so he has money to spend on a hobby that will take him away from the home and family a lot during weekends and evenings, and will be expensive.

Yeah, that sounds a really good idea.

the 5th day probably tips her into the higher tax bracket……

I did exactly as you plan and have worked 4 days since youngest started school. He's 7 now. I'm never going back to 5 days, even once they've grown and flown. That extra day off is a godsend.

Do 4 days. It’s not his choice. You will be bringing in as much as him doing that.

Even if it does, the proportional increase for the extra day would result in a take home of £3500 (taking the salary for £2900 take-home for four days work and extrapolating it to five days).

Personally, I found part-time work much more challenging than full-time work. With full-time, you really need to agree and plan everything in advance. With part-time, you are constantly firefighting. Your priority is your children when they are young; otherwise, why have them?
I would keep the onus and say to him, "Yes, I agree, I will support you, as you look to increase earnings to support your ambition", the children come first. If he wants more money, earn it, you big fat entitled lump. Only think that bit.🤐

4 days means you will earning more than him.anyway. I can't see what the problem is. Why do you need to go full-time just because he is? If you being 4 days doesn't negatively affect the family's finances go for it. Id pay for a cleaner even if was 4 days OP. If he feels it's unfair u work part time and him full-time he needs, although u have said he doesn't, a better paid job then perhaps he could go part-time

Just to add i did 4 days for a year. I used the day for lesson prep and life admin so i could keep my weekends free. Liked it. I still retained my cleaner. I live alone. Was forced to go back to full-time following year

Except if he went part time he would just use all the time to train for his iron man and use none if it to do any housework.

I am concerned about this for all the reasons above and from my limited understanding training for Iron Man is a huge committment financially and for time. I'm betting his plan is you go back to full time work and he reduces his hours so he can train

You'll have the worst of both worlds.

@Lovelifesmile have you read any of the replies-what are your thoughts? Are you coming back?

I do hope op comes back

Have a conversation with your husband about the household jobs that you do on your day off and negotiate how they would be done and do a cost benefit exercise to see if you'd actually be better off. You need to hire a cleaner and a gardener, pay extra nursery fees. Send his shirts out for laundering and ironing weekly. Is he willing to organise an online grocery shop/delivery and put laundry on when he's working from home? If the costs/benefits don't work out favourably and he's not willing to step up regularly will it work? It's an important conversation to have and see the actual figures that matter.

I’m wandering if your husband helped decide what was best, when you had his children, did you discuss who would take time off to nurture the kids or was it like most families? Did he assume you would take time off and halt your career? The coke swooping in to demand you go back full time?

Zero chance of me agreeing to this in your shoes. Fair enough to earn more money to build your families financial stability e.g. overpay mortgage, save for university etc. Not so he can indulge his hobbies and leave more of the household burden on you. What would you get out of it 🤣

He wants his cake and eat it.

You will be left to do the vast majority of housework/childcare as you do now.

IME, the vast majority of men actively strive to do the least amount of housework and childcare they can get away with and this tends to decline over time even when the mother returns to full-time work.

Why don't you propose that both of you work 4 days a week and split childcare and household chores 50/50 to see how he reacts?

This poster was from August, @Susiy and the OP never came back.

If you went back to FT, would your husband share all the chores 50/50? If he's happy to do that, and you believe he genuinely would, then I can see the benefit of being £500 better off as a family every month.

Of course money isn't the most important thing, but it's a fact of life that we need it.

Having said that, if you're comfortable already / no money worries, then I can see why you'd like to go to 4 days not 5 (so long as you're happy for him to do that as well (assuming he would also use it to do chores etc and not just to pursue hobbies, which you say you are).

It bothers me that he wants you to work an extra day a week so that he can do an ironman and other such hobbies, rather than have you work 4 days and have more family times at the weekends.

Ultimately it sounds as though he's putting money (that you don't need) over family time - and the reason he wants the extra money is for his own hobbies, not family stuff.